The gift of sex: A biblical perspective on sexuality and marriage

Gift of Sex

Clifford and Joyce Penner, clinical therapist and nurse have written a sensitive and forthright guide to understanding sexuality and how it fits into God's design for marriage. This revised and updated version features a new introduction, new illustrations, a section on addictions and the Internet, and a timely discussion on sexually transmitted diseases and their consequences. With the latest information on sexuality and intimacy, this best-selling book is ideal whether you are newlyweds or have been married for many years.

A Biblical Perspective

This was an interesting chapter because the authors painted the picture of how sexuality and theology are commonly being utilized. This chapter talked about the myth of how most people tend to think that we as people are basically divided into parts. According to Penner (2003) they make the point that the soul is the good part of the self and the body is basically considered the bad or lustful part of the human being. However, as lot of pastor's and Christian teach that the body is very immoral and the soul is just trapped waiting to get out. However, the authors in this book go against the grain and attack this idea. They make it very clear that they do not believe that idea or perception. The authors chose to believe in a little more holistic or biblical view by using the bible.

The authors in this chapter made it very clear from the start that even though the bible to them was not an instruction book for sexual fulfillment but that it does gives a clear picture of God's value of individual sexuality. They also make the point that it God does have high regard of people having sexual relationships that are inside of marriages. The author's main point was to show how the scriptures view sex as cherished by those in the bible. They made the point that it was cherished as though it was some expensive jewel that is waiting to be purchased. They describe how sex is something that should be stored very carefully and that it should not be tainted in any form or fashion. A lot of other cultures also share in that same philosophy especially in countries where they do a lot of arranged marriages (Martindale, 2009).

The chapter goes on to make the point that sex in today's society is seen as a piece of junk. They book describes it as something given to a teenage child and them just using it as a dirty tool or device. The authors bring up the point by saying that the bible uses sex as a prize and that it is something that is done out of commitment. They go on to mention that sex is something that should be done between a man and woman out of love and not lust. However, many other authors disagree and believe that sex is something that can be done without commitment or marriage (Rosenau D.D., 2005). In defense of the bibile, the Penner's states how the bible displays sex as a symbol between God and his people. It puts sex in the frame of the deepest committement that one human can make with another. A lifelong committement to cherish, honor and be faithful with until the time of death. The authors state that when we accept sex as a wonderful and precious gift from God then it sets people aprt from the world and will not be seen as a tool to misuses and not thrown away like junk.

The authors even use the Book of Genesis in the bible to make the point that "Adam and Eve were naked and unashamed" enocuntering a connection that was free with no type of barriers since life before the fall was considered to be perfect. Their relationships were not all about powere, prestige or even control. The Penner's make the point that sex without shame is a practical potential for the Christian. Unfortunately, the authors make the point how the church has let social culture dictate a lot of distorting imageries regarding sex. The authors believe that when people can sort of rid themselves of these limitations and be able to live their lives sexually free and fullfilled. Their purpose for this chapter was to enocurage those by using the bible as an influence with sexual relationships. They were hoping that his biblically-based view would become central to their attitude in people enjoying their sexual relationship with their spouse. They wanted to make the point that people can cofirm their body including their sexuality as a Godgiven gift to be enjoyed if it is used properly. They wanted to stress that people sexuality is part of who they are and that it is their total being an not soley a physical, fleshy evil part that is just waiting to jump out of its cage. They belive that sex reflects the image of God.

The Total Experience

The total experience brings up the vital query of the participation of the mind in the sexual experience, which is something that was also brought up in the section on the physical also. The chapter on sex as a total experience is really interesting because it demonstrates how the authors think that sex should not only be observed but treated as one of numerous questions that are defining human life and not discrete from other features of life.

This chapter brings up the points of what gets a person aroused. It makes the point that there are numerous outside stimuli that are serving to get a person in touch within their own body. It makes the point that it is pretty much different for everyone. For some people this sort of stimulation could involve listening to certain types of music, having a good read of a sexual book that is very erotic in nature. Sometimes as the authors mention, could be done with looking at movies that are considered romantic or even things that are just on the television. Some even feel that being in a setting that feels romantic or just looking at somebody that might be friend or even a stranger.

The authors do a thorough job in mentioning how sensuous inputting that can come from within. Maybe there is no particular event or situation that may stimulate a person's sexual desire, instead a person's sexual awareness could possibly grow out of relaxing and also body oriented time.

The chapter also makes the point that spending time with your spouse is what will most likely get you to get interested in a sexual way. As the chapter relates, this is mostly true if a person's sexual experience is normally fulfilling and void of and free anxiety. The chapter makes the point that they find that working with each other or playing together usually tends to draw a person in that certain direction. The chapter talks about how they recognized that couples really need to spend time together. The state that in these times that they have to be free of demands like for example expectations for sexual intercourse, obligations that are regarding children, pressures that are coming from work, and distractions that are coming from other involvements that are external.

The chapter makes the point that sexual energy that is available to a person is important for sexual desire. Sexual arousal is different from sexual desire. Arousal happens when a person's body starts responding to stimulation. They carry on in making the point that that sexual manifestation of people sex drive or their libido. The authors go on to discuss that some sexual energy is used for what is considered creative production. This would involve things like establishing a new business, being submerged in musical achievement or focusing on things like sports.

The authors believe that creativity is requiring a great deal of energy, that people will probably have less of a sex drive left. In that case that person will probably start feeling a less desire for wanting to get involved with sex. The lack of having the desire to become involved with sex can really be very beneficial those that are singles but can be detrimental to a marriage relationship. The talks about how when stress comes into the picture and how it is likely to start developing when one certain spouse is burning up sexual energy that is in a nonsexual pursuit and the other spouse happens to want more sexual involvement .

In addition, the authors show in this chapter that being used up for creative productions, in return the sex drive of a person can get burned up by emotional stress like that of anxiety, depression and even some conflict. An individual that is really suffering from this kind of stress would possibly not have any type of sexual desire at all (Martindale, 2009).

The chapter makes the point that since sexual desire is an outgrowth of a sexual drive or even the energy that has come open in a person's body, exercise, nutrition and hormonal cycles that are affecting the energy that has come available for sexual involvement. They also make the point in this chapter about staying clear of distractions. It states that those that are living lives that are complicated may not ever be what are considered a natural time to feel very sexual. The authors had suggested that to make some corrections to this problem, a person has to start by clearing out all of the distractions. The authors then begin the process by making a decision that starts concerning the television.

A lot of people keep the television on most of the time when they are staying at the house together. The TV then becomes a constant distraction. A person then may need to turn it off and start spending a little more time alone together (Balswsick, 2007). The authors in the book recommend moving the television out of the bedroom is possible. Even at times putting the television in the garage for about a month gives it a sort of nudge in some of the patterns. They make the point that outside commitments usually just interfere. A lot of people are busy since they are involved with church and community projects. The authors believe that if those commitments start crowding a person's life so much that they do not have any relaxed block of time that they will be able to spend time together as a couple then those involvements are probably not very advantageous.

When Sex isn't working

In this chapter, the authors do not hold back in making the point that our bodies a re designed for the pleasure for sexual pleasure, response and arousal. They make the point that physically a person's sexual functioning is so expectable that it can really be measured down to about tenths of a second and is exactly the same from person to another and basically it is also in the same person from one time to another. The authors state that emotionally and relationally, there is a definable procedure of desire, admission, meshing, pleasuring. Letting go and then the entrance of and then the letting go again.

The authors stress the fact that some may not even know what is suppose to be normal sexual interaction, or maybe sex does not really flow that natural for certain people. They go on to state that because of the haphazard way of a lot of the sex education, a person cannot count on every person growing up with the same information. They make the point that since the sexual experience is so emotionally charged up and not represented right in the media, a lot of adults, even adults that are well educated, are getting to the point of readiness for sexual involvement with a dismal lack of knowledge that is concerning what is natural and normal. Some people are really not that aware of how to really enjoy their spouse's body or go after making them very aroused (Stanley, 2006).

The chapter goes on to make the point that other may not be fully aware of the appropriateness of bodily feelings. However, they make the point that others do shy away from certain natural bodily responses as if they are not normal. Most of the time a person that is newly married expectations for having sex in marriage will be not be very realistic.

They others in this chapter also point out that having knowledge about oneself and their partner is normally lacking. A lot of certain women, are coming to the marital situation not really aware of their own sexual desires and feelings or even the needs. Of course they also mention that every woman is really different.