Wolterstorff's Lament and the Five Stages of Grief
This paper examines Nicholas Wolterstorff's memoir Lament for a Son through the lens of the Kübler-Ross five-stage grief model — denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Drawing on Wolterstorff's own reflections on the death of his son Eric, the paper traces how he navigates each stage before arriving at acceptance, which he describes as "owning" the loss. The analysis also explores the theological dimension of his grief journey, showing how faith in Christ's resurrection provides Wolterstorff with a consoling hope that sustains him and ultimately allows him to find joy even in the face of devastating loss.
- Introduction: Owning Grief and Finding Joy: Thesis: Wolterstorff moves through five grief stages
- The Christian Meaning of Death and Resurrection: Christian theology of death, sin, and eternal life
- Hope in the Resurrection as Comfort: Resurrection hope comforts Wolterstorff over time
- Moving Through Denial, Anger, Bargaining, and Depression: Dream, bargaining candle, and depression analyzed
- Faith, Acceptance, and the Power to Endure: Faith sustains Wolterstorff beneath grief's weight
- Conclusion: Finding the Lost Son Through Faith: Acceptance reached; son found again through faith
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What makes this paper effective
- It integrates a secular psychological framework (the Kübler-Ross model) with theological content, demonstrating how both lenses can illuminate the same personal narrative.
- It uses direct quotations from Wolterstorff's memoir to anchor each stage of grief in textual evidence rather than general assertion.
- It connects scriptural references (Matthew 27:46, John 14:6) meaningfully to Wolterstorff's emotional state, showing how biblical allusion functions within a grief narrative.
Key academic technique demonstrated
The paper applies a named theoretical model (the Kübler-Ross five-stage framework) as a structuring lens for literary and theological analysis. By mapping each stage onto specific moments in Wolterstorff's text, the writer demonstrates how an external framework can organize close reading and give interpretive shape to a memoir's emotional arc.
Structure breakdown
The paper opens by establishing Wolterstorff's concept of "owning" grief and previewing the five-stage thesis. It then develops the Christian theology of death and resurrection before tracing each Kübler-Ross stage through the memoir. A section on bargaining (the candle at the funeral) and depression transitions into the final sections on acceptance and faith. The conclusion returns to the thesis, affirming that Wolterstorff finds his lost son through hope in Christ's resurrection.
Introduction: Owning Grief and Finding Joy
Wolterstorff (1987) finds joy after his loss by "owning it," as he notes in his Preface (p. 6). He makes the loss of his son part of his identity rather than treating it as some obstacle to his happiness or as something to overcome in order to return to the way things were. He accepts it, embraces it, and allows it to transform him on a deep emotional and psychological level. He also strives to make it impactful on a spiritual level and works toward "owning it redemptively" (p. 6), so that it might make him more complete in the light of God and His mysterious ways. This stage of acceptance — the final stage of grieving according to the Kübler-Ross model — comes only after a process in which Wolterstorff navigates the other four stages: denial, anger, bargaining, and depression. This paper shows how Wolterstorff moves through these five stages and emerges, via the final stage of acceptance, to find joy in the hope of a Resurrection.
The root of Wolterstorff's joy is found in his faith, which allows him the hope of the Resurrection — even though that hope offers no comfort initially, because the impact of the death is too great for comfort to be felt. He feels what Christ feels on the cross when Christ exclaims, "My God, why have you forsaken me?" (Matt. 27:46). Although he participates in the "leave taking" when he touches his son's dead body and makes his son's death finally real to himself (p. 36), Wolterstorff does not take joy in this process: as he says, "I buried myself that warm June day" (p. 42). The joy comes, however, through owning the experience — and by doing so he prepares himself to accept the gift that faith in Christ gives, which is the hope of a Resurrection through Jesus Christ. Christ is the way and the life (John 14:6), and that means Wolterstorff can hope in Christ that he will see his son again in the afterlife. This is a joyful consolation for a man who is grieving immensely.
References
Merrill, E. (2004). Everlasting Dominion. Nashville, TN: Broadman & Holman Publishers.
New Testament. BibleHub. Retrieved from http://biblehub.com/john/14-6.htm
Patricelli, K. (2015). Stage of grief models: Kubler-Ross. AMHC. Retrieved from
Sheen, F. (2008). Life of Christ. New York, NY: Image Books.
Wolterstorff, N. (1987). Lament for a Son. Grand Rapids, MI: William B. Eerdmans Publishing.
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