We didn't just have "our song," we had whole genres of music. There are some albums on my shelf that I can't really play anymore without growing despondent just thinking of you. There was never any boredom that crept into our many hurts together, but instead there was always laughter and excitement, not to mention passion. Even though we were together at work at the bar and together at home, we never seemed to get tired of each other or even really need a break from each other -- in fact, we took our breaks together, too, and our vacations -- remember our first Christmas at your parents house? Or the next year at mine? Even our families, crazy though they are, didn't cause even a momentary hesitation on our parts that we were meant to be together.
Thinking of our families also reminds me of the way we were able to support each other through some of the hardest periods of both of our lives. Seen in this light, it is impossible for me to understand how the person that helped me through the death of my mother -- an event that made life and love seem almost worthless -- could now so suddenly and so completely never again be a part of my everyday...
I feel like we watched each other bleed and helped to dress each others' wounds, you nursing me back to spiritual and emotional health after my mother's passing and me doing the same for you during the period of your grandfather's illness, but now -- for whatever reason -- the impulse to share each others' pain as a way of helping the other to cope has passed, as if it was only a job we were obligated to perform.
It's strange how all of these elements could make it seem so right for us to remain together, and just a few rough months -- admittedly, with some additional stress, but still, just a few short months -- could make it seem completely un-worthwhile. Sometimes people just grow apart, I suppose; I know we were always faithful to each other, and even towards the end we managed a few surprise romantic nights just like we had experienced earlier in our relationship. Those were nice, and I enjoyed some of our final memories together, but memories aren't enough to build a future on.
I hope your future treats you well, and I hope that it collides with my future in some way, at least. Once we're both ready for that.
