" (Angry Children, Worried Parents: Helping Families Manage Anger) Be certain in prevention and "planned parenting." Look for when certain circumstances are particularly troublesome or disappointing for your child and chalk out a "plan of action" beforehand. For instance, in case your child gets upset while visiting a shop, craving to have every item on the shelves, you can tell the child prior to stepping into the shop, "You are free to choose just one item. Tell me which one which item would you select" (Angry Children, Worried Parents: Helping Families Manage Anger) if at all this type of arrangement does not prove effective, it might be a sign that your child is reluctant to go along with you to the shop. or, in case your child creates a fracas about sleeping and you are engaged for an hour to coax him, it might aid to provide your child a feeling of rights and stay clear of a commotion by announcing, "Do you wish to remind you 10 or 15 minutes prior to going to bed that it is bedtime?" (Angry Children, Worried Parents: Helping Families Manage Anger)
Avoidance also entails giving obvious and practical anticipations, following an adjustable but expected makeup, and being unswerving. Thereafter there is an urgency to be insistent. As you instruct your children to show anger purposefully, try to be in their position. Do a bit of soul searching by asking: "Am I entering into a dialogue with my children so that they will learn from me instead of shying away from me? (Angry Children, Worried Parents: Helping Families Manage Anger) "Will I wish anybody to talk with me in the manner in which I am speaking with my children?" (Angry Children, Worried Parents: Helping Families Manage Anger) When we do not pay heed to our children's viewpoint, there are possibilities that we might utter or perform matters which might really work against supporting our children ability to handle usefully with anger. (Angry Children, Worried Parents: Helping Families Manage Anger)
Concentrating on the conduct is important in managing an angry child. When compared to getting angry, it is awful to utter angry feelings in ways that upset others. Children have to be taught to regard angry feelings as a trouble to be resolved. We should assist children to make use of their minds to resolve problems and to imagine about solutions or substitutes to their angry feelings. We should make the children understand that by becoming crazy, we cannot solve the difficulty. We should assist the child to convey its anger in words. The parents should be an example to the children by putting use of words that tell how the child thinks and not what the child feels about the other person. For instance, the words may be arranged as, 'I will be unhappy if you don't play with me' and not as 'You are mean and hence I hate you'. (Harrelson, Dealing with the Angry Child) Words that wound others are not pleasing methods of managing anger.
To motivate children to show their feelings in words, we can make use of "you-messages." 'You-messages' expresses the child's thoughts and assists you and the child concentrate on the improper behavior. They persuade children to utter their difficult feelings. A lot of time, when children are permitted to convey their angry feelings, the feelings tend to vanish. An instance of a 'you-message' is, 'You must be actually foolish to think that Sue would not part her new books with you.' (Harrelson, Dealing with the Angry Child) They must be taught with examples. The best teachers are the good examples for the children. The children are likely to follow you when they hear you using unkind words. In contrast, if they hear you shout or see you hurl something when you get crazy, then they are likely to think those behaviors are agreeable.
Similarly, if we beat the children when we are angry with them, we are teaching them to use aggressive behavior to convey their angry feelings. We can help the children to get rid of these angry feeling by the physical activities like running, digging, pounding nails in a board, punching a punching bag, tearing newspaper. The children must be assisted by parents to overlook their angry feelings by fascinating them in activities that will take their minds off the feelings. When something more interesting is present, young children will forget about their angry feelings swiftly. We must make the child come out of tense feelings by relaxing activities like playing in the sand and making mud pies, taking a warm bath, playing in a sink full of warm, sudsy water, playing with play dough, or finger painting. The child must be engrossed in activities like making cookies. Once the children are cool, it is easier to talk to them about their feelings. To pacify an angry child, we can use intimacy and pat. When an adult pacifies and consoles the child, the angry impulsive behavior often vanishes. Importance must be given to a child's activities. (Harrelson, Dealing with the Angry Child)
An adult who show interest as "Show me how the toy operates" can at times easily prevent a child who is about to use a toy in a harmful way. You're feelings must be conveyed to the child. For instance, a parent can say, "the noise you are making does not usually trouble me, but today I am not feeling well, so you can do something else, which you enjoy the most?" (Harrelson, Dealing with the Angry Child) Only when essential, physical command must be used. At times children may exhaust control so fully that they have to be bodily controlled to stop them from harming themselves or others. During such times we must have the child in arms until it becomes quiet and is able to pay attention to you. Notice the child when it is good. Be sure to encourage and strengthen apt behavior. Remarks like "You did a good job by clearing your room," "I am pleased you remembered to wash your hands," or "I like the manner you parted your toys today," assist children in knowing the suitable behavior. (Harrelson, Dealing with the Angry Child) Many of the parents criticize on disagreeable behavior, but forget to orally praise the good behavior. The child will have only less reason to be angry, if the parents often appreciate for their good behavior. (Harrelson, Dealing with the Angry Child)
Ultimately, give your children unconditional love and devote specific times in their company. Whereas these behaviors can be put under the title of "prevention," we think that they so vital they merit their independent section. When parents understand their children and shower unconditional love, there are reduced chances of children becoming disappointed and severely annoyed. When parents and teachers devote quality time with every of their children in such activities as playing along with them, reading to them while going to bed, eating out a snack or a game, they have chances to grow an encouraging relationship. This type of relationship will give the edifice for teaching children self-discipline and helping them in controlling disappointment and anger usefully.
Angry Children, Worried Parents: Helping Families Manage Anger. References at http://www.schwablearning.org/articles.asp?r=836&g=2Accessed on 19 April, 2005
Conner, Michael G. Why Do Teenagers Get So Angry? Family News. 2003.
References at http://www.crisiscounseling.com/Articles/AngryChildren.htm. Accessed on 19 April, 2005
Dealing with Anger. References at http://kidshealth.org/kid/feeling/emotion/anger.html. Accessed on 19 April, 2005
Dealing with the Angry Child. U.S. Department of Health and Human Services Public Health Service. References at http://www.childdevelopmentinfo.com/parenting/angry_child.shtml. Accessed on 19 April, 2005
Harrelson, Peggy O. Dealing with the Angry Child. References at http://www.cdc.gov/nasd/docs/d001201-d001300/d001281/d001281.pdf. Accessed on 19 April, 2005