Building a Therapeutic Alliance through Empathy

Therapeutic Communication

To establish the therapeutic alliance with clients, one must have empathy, warmth and genuineness as France and Weikel point out. How does one do this? Petersen (2015) states that it starts with listening, which is a way of “providing safety, to understand, and to clarify” what the client is communicating in therapy (p. 107). Warmth is that characteristic that makes a person feel safe and secure and allows the person to feel that he can open up in therapy. Empathy is the ability to understand and it is demonstrated by hearing, confirming, and affirming without judgment. Genuineness is the ability to come across as real, truthful, transparent, and trustworthy. One who seeks to build a therapeutic alliance must be able to foster trust with the client by being genuine and demonstrating personal accountability. Nothing fosters trust in a relationship like a demonstration of accountability and the maintenance of a code of ethics. When a client sees that a therapist is serious about his job, is professional in demeanor, and holds himself to a high standard the client can believe that the therapist is genuinely concerned about the client’s best interests.

As Stewart (2012) points out, “you can’t function very well as a mediator until you finally understand each person’s point of view, and empathetic listening can help you build this understanding” (p. 194). Empathetic listening is really at the core of therapeutic communication. It may not seem like it at first because it is so passive in appearance, and one tends to think of communication as active. However, empathetic listening is really an activity that one must engage in: it requires one’s attention, one’s commitment to understanding, and the ability to follow along and hear what the other person is saying without judging that person or trying do anything other than put yourself in that person’s shoes. Empathetic listening is, in other words, not very easy! A person must give all of himself to be an empathetic listener, holding nothing back, and allowing himself to see through the other person’s eyes.

By also maintaining a warm disposition, the therapist can demonstrate true friendliness and a supportive manner that makes the client feel safe when it comes time for opening up. Some clients may be guarded or hesitant to speak because they are put off by the perception of coldness, which can convey the sense that the therapist does not really care about the person. Coldness repels; warmth invites. A therapist who is warm and outgoing, who comes across the middle to meet the client all the way is one who gives the feeling of shelter. The client feels that he can come in from the storm of his own life and find support in the therapist. That is warmth is important.

Above all, it has to be genuine, however. Many an actor can display warmth—but if it is not genuine—if the person does not genuinely intend warmth, it will fail to convince. A person can see it in the eyes, in the face, in the tones and body language whether it is real or merely for show. A salesman will be warm, but underneath it all is the urgent need to gain a commission through a sale. The person on the other end of that relationship will be skeptical unless he perceives that the salesman genuinely believes what he is saying and would say the same thing to his own mother or even to his own self. The therapist must carry this level of genuineness within in order to win over the client.

These phenomena play out in my own interpersonal communication contexts when I am dealing with others as well. I find that I always try to be empathetic because I genuinely do want to understand. However, I can sometimes come across as cold and uncaring because I have not cultivated the ability to demonstrate the character of warmth that is needed to win people over. I can seek to generate more warmth by monitoring my tones of voice and my body language, as tone and what one does with one’s body also say whether one is warm or cold. One’s eyes must be focused on the person and one must allow the other to hold one’s attention. Sometimes I can have a dismissive expression on my face because I am not looking at the person speaking and this suggests to the other person that I do not care. In reality, I am listening—but the speaker does not realize this because I am not looking at him. What I want to focus on developing more is my ability to look, listen and show the other person that I am listening and want to hear more.

The principle of empathy is rooted not just in the ability to listen and hear but also in the ability to make the other person feel comfortable. So I try to show through my actions and words that I understand by affirming what another person has said to me. I repeat what the person has said in a tone of voice that is non-judgmental. The tone must not be flat, because flatness does not convey interest or vitality. No one wants to open up oneself to another who is flat and seemingly bored by what one has to say. That is why I try to monitor my tones.