Cause Effect Neither a Borrower

Cause Effect Neither a borrower nor a lender be" may be one of the world's wisest maxims. Although most of us need to charge a few things here and there on the trusty credit card, borrowing money from friends is anathema. More times than not, the friend will pay back the money quickly and all conflict is avoided. However, a lot of the time, the friend who borrows the money takes his or her sweet time to pay it back, thereby taking advantage of the friendly relationship.

Because lending money is an act of trust, failing to pay back money within a reasonable amount of time equals a violation of trust. The larger the sum of money in question and the more frequent the behavior, the worse the damage to the friendship can be. If the lender is nice he or she will not say anything with the hopes of avoiding conflict but inevitably resentment will creep in.

As a result, the lender feels angry and hurt and it could take a long time to repair the rift in the relationship. Even borrowing the smallest amount of money from a friend can create enormous problems down the road, especially if both parties fail to address their feelings. Because borrowing and lending money often triggers deep-rooted psychological or social issues, borrowing and lending money causes friction between friends and can lead to the breakdown of even the most long-term friendships.

Borrowing and lending money between friends can cause imbalances in the structure of the friendship. These imbalances resemble power struggles but both parties rarely address their grievances. Depending on the circumstances, the lender might feel empowered and honored, or jilted and annoyed. For example, if Joe lends $50 to Jane he senses that Jane is literally indebted to him. He might then try to take advantage of Jane in other ways, such as by asking her to drive him around town.

Like Joe, people who lend money to friends stand as if in a position of power, with something like credit slips hanging over the friend's head. What was once a friendship built on good times and happy memories becomes more like a business relationship. The borrower might then grow to resent the friend's haughty attitude. Therefore, a key to avoiding the friction that arises through borrowing and lending is to offer something meaningful in return.

For example, Jane could have actually offered to take Joe to school every day in exchange for the convenience of borrowing money. Eliminating imbalances by a reasonable exchange of services is one good way to eliminate the imbalances created by borrowing money. Otherwise, the resulting power struggle creates friction, resentment, and possibly the dissolution of the friendship. Borrowing and lending money between friends causes friction also because of the shame and guilt involved in the transaction. Often, the borrower feels guilty or ashamed to have needed to borrow money.

For instance, if Tom recently lost his job he already feels embarrassed and depressed. If he can't make his rent and asks Rob for some money, Tom could feel emasculated and embarrassed. Needing to borrow money can be a source of shame and a seeming sign of weakness for some people. Feeling ashamed can cause Tom to resent Rob for being wealthier than he is. Tom may feel even as ashamed as to avoid going out with Rob until the money is paid back.

Once again, what was once a friendship built on good times becomes more like a business relationship and a power struggle. The effects of the imbalance could last for a long time. Tom might feel permanently inferior to Rob, who never needed to borrow money himself. On the other hand, borrowing and lending money between friends can cause friction because the person who asks for money also places him or herself in a position of power.

Unlike borrowing money from a bank, paying back money to a friend is completely voluntary. Most of the time, the friends do not write down the time, date, or amount of the loan. In some situations, the friend borrowing the money feels self-righteous.

For example, if Greg asks Brad when he can pay back the $100, Brad might respond, "Chill out, Greg, you know I'm good for it!" Such attitudes of self-righteousness on the part of the borrower can not only cause friction between two friends; the act can tear apart a long-term friendship. If Greg sees Brad at a bar buying drinks for a girl or at the casino spending money he will feel doubly as hurt, knowing that Brad is taking advantage of his kindness.

Lending money to a friend is generally a sign of trust; therefore the borrower is obliged to honor that trust by paying back money in a timely manner or by being honest and upfront about a repayment schedule. However, borrowing money without.