Challenges of a Single Parent Living on Campus

The single parent living on campus is in a unique position unlike any other student in college today. The single parent, typically a young female, is determined and motivated to succeed in college. Even if her grades are not the best (how could they be with her time divided between caring for herself, studying, going to class, and caring for her baby?), but she plans to stick with it because she sees obtaining her degree as her only way out for herself and for her baby. Getting her credentials will allow her to get a respectable job with a respectable salary. Then she will be able to think about things like daycare and housing. At the moment, however, she relies on the assistance of friends from class, individual students who are willing to lend a helping hand and give her the assistance she requires so that she can get to class knowing the baby is in good hands for a few hours.

There is an air of pride about the single parent living on campus, and it is understandable. She is all alone—the father is not in the picture, nor does she want him to be. She has taken on a big burden by bringing a child up all on her own while simultaneously attempting to better her lot in life by pursuing her degree. She is proud because she has found ways to make it all work, when others have not. If she meets another young, pregnant woman in the grocery store, she asks her what her plans are. The other young pregnant soon-to-be-mother has none: she is returning home to live with her parents; she does not even know there is housing available for single parents on campus. Had she known she might have applied for it. But now her course is set—she is going home to have the baby. She will not be back for school. The single parent living on campus soldiers on. She considers herself astute for realizing these services exist and she is grateful for them—so much so that she views it as her duty to pay back into the system later on so that others like her can be helped, just as she was by the system that gave her a helping hand when she needed it.
The unacknowledged air of entitlement is barely breathed, however. The single parent living on campus assumes neither a tragic air nor a groveling one. She assumes a dignified posture: she knows hardship and knows what it means to be dependent upon others. When another woman who is married takes her to task or makes her feel small for being a single parent with no husband, she becomes resentful. She does not need a man to provide for her—not when the college and other students are willing to fill that gap. There is a hint of shame in the reactionary demeanor of the single parent living on campus: to be confronted with one’s shortcomings or failings is not pleasant, and one does not like to be faced with one’s faults—not by strangers. At the same time, there is the pride that the single parent takes in the face of the haughty and the condescending, who have done things “by the book”—who have gone about life “the right way”—who have played by the rules and ended up being scammed by the system. The single parent living on campus smiles to herself to think about these people, who think they are so much smarter and so much greater than she. They will end up paying thousands of dollars for their home birth, while she, the single parent, had all her hospital bills compensated by the state. She did not pay a dime. She was taken care of. The state has been the surrogate father to her. This gives her a flicker of warmth inside her: people think she is alone, but she is not really alone. The government has a hand out for her to take.
At the same time, the government will want its due in short order. When the single parent living on campus graduates with her credentials and begins the process of searching for employment, the student loan bills will come. Students used to get grants from the government to go to college. Some still do—but most get loans (Gross et al.). The single parent living on campus is one. While she feels is getting a helping hand at the moment, it is one that will cost her in a few years. The loans will have to be repaid, and while currently she is not feeling their weight or their burden but is rather enjoying the assistance and the benefits that are sent her way as a struggling single parent college student living on campus, she will soon know that weight—just as she knew the weight of pregnancy leading up to the birth of her child. Only the weight of her student loans will be heavier and will last longer—much longer than the 9 month term leading up to childbirth. In a few, quick, painful pushes, the delivery is completed: the joy that the new child brings erases all the pain from the new mother’s mind. In the repayment of student loan debt, there is no quick, painful push: it is a long, slow, slogging through the mire of debt, debt that can continue to mount as new bills pile on top of old ones. There is no joy that comes with the delivery of the bill payment, month after month, year after year. One is rather ground into the dust, beaten down by the realities of a life on one’s own, struggling to make ends meet when the helping hands are fewer and farther in between.
For now, the single parent living on campus is living the life of a holiday in comparison to what will come. She can stand proudly and deny those who would try to shame her with a “tsk, tsk” or a “what a pity the father is not in the picture”—she can deny them now while she has the power to do so. She has support from the college, which provides her with housing. She has the support from other students, who provide her with sitting. She has the support of the government, which provides her with health care and student loans. What should she need in a man? For now, she is content to believe that she is strong enough to make it on her own—just she and the baby—though the reality (and she knows it) is that she is nowhere near strong enough: she needs the helping hand of the system. What she does not realize or fully understand (but will in due time) is that the system does not give up anything for free. She will be on the hook for everything in short order. That is when she will feel it; that is when the burden will begin to weigh down and oppress (Stack, Meredith).
As Stack and Meredith point out, single parents face “food and fuel poverty” and many (most of whom are mothers) find that they must sacrifice their own time and energy just to meet the basic needs of their children. Stack and Meredith show that there are negative psychological, emotional and social consequences of single parenting—aside from the economic effects—these include: “isolation, anxiety, depression, paranoia, and suicidal thoughts” (233). Thus, in spite of the feminist political stance that has promoted the idea of autonomy and independence among women, that is still taught and promoted at the same college as the young single parent living on campus, all that has really been accomplished by the Women’s Movement, in the final analysis, is the emancipation of the man from the family and the spread of the idea that the father somehow no longer owes a duty to the mother or to the child. By pushing for emancipation of the woman from marriage, the consequence has been the erosion of the two-parent family dynamic, which at least offered stability (Jones). To assume that Friedan and Steinem spoke for all women in the 1960s and 1970s is, moreover, to make a large assumption that is not validated by data (Kinnell). Their social impact, however, has been shown by studies to have led to an increase in single parents (a woman may be emancipated from marriage but unless she is willing to abstain, use contraception or abort, she is never emancipated from motherhood). A single mother is more likely to experience severe mental, emotional, financial and social stress than a married mother in a traditional relationship (Stack & Meredith, 2018). Stack and Meredith (2018) do not identify any pros related to the plight of the single mother and instead show that the single parent life is difficult, damaging and very stressful on the parent. However, if there is one pro it is that children of single parent homes can grow up without showing signs of being negatively impacted by the challenges faced by the parent—though this is not always the case. If the single parent living on campus is able to persevere and face the challenges that lie ahead, confronting them with the same resolve and force of will that she displays during her time in college, she very possibly may succeed with head held high though the burden weighs her down. She may very well raise her child to succeed as well. The future is unknown and what the single parent living on campus focuses on today is the here and now: the next class, the next student who will volunteer to sit for her while she attends a lecture, the next requirement, doing the laundry in the laundry facilities of the housing provided by the college for single parents, getting the baby its shots, getting the child to his regular check-ups, keeping everyone fed; these are the concerns of the here and now for the single parent college student living on campus.
For these reasons perhaps it should not be a surprise that child free living is on the rise. Making the voluntary choice to live without children is a natural outcome of the prevalence and social acceptance of birth control today. Sex has been de-linked from the procreative act in Western society and as such it is viewed as a pleasure norm rather than as a procreative norm. The morality of sex without the possibility of procreation is not challenged in popular culture, and the pressures of raising a child (especially by oneself) are so great that many prefer not to deal with it: so it is not surprising that child free living should be on the rise. The pros of living child free, of course, are that people without children can enjoy their autonomy and independence without having to engage in the responsibilities of the traditional family. They do not have to rely on hand outs or assistance from people they just met. They can “have a life,” go on vacations, have fun, enjoy themselves and what time they have on this planet. The mother or father or single parent living on campus cannot partake of these things so readily or so easily. And of course there are cons of living child free and of so many young people today choosing to be child free: the biggest con is that without children, society will not grow and the age of the population will increase, meaning there will be more old people than young people in the future, and fewer people overall to pay into the system that people like the single parent living on campus depend upon. A child free now means a crumbling future for society later.
In this light, the single parent living on campus can take pride in what she is doing: she is doing what others are not. She is making the sacrifice needed to bring a new life into the world, and she is taking the steps to do everything she can to make sure that life is nurtured and supported. She accepts the support from others since there is no father in the picture to provide it. She is thankful and grateful and plans to pay it forward in the future. For now, she is doing her part to make sure that there is a future—not just for herself and her child, but for all mankind as well.
Works Cited
Gross, Jacob PK, et al. "What Matters in Student Loan Default: A Review of the
Research Literature." Journal of Student Financial Aid 39.1 (2009): 19-29.
Jones, E. Michael. Libido Dominandi: Sexual Liberation and Political Control. St.
Augustine’s Press, 2000.
Kinnell, Ann Marie. "Shifting the center: Understanding contemporary families." 
Teaching Sociology 30.1 (2002): 126.
Stack, Rebecca Jayne, and Alex Meredith. "The Impact of Financial Hardship on Single
Parents: An Exploration of the Journey From Social Distress to Seeking Help." Journal of family and economic issues 39.2 (2018): 233-242.