Communication Not Speaking Clearly, Not

Communication

Not speaking clearly, not listening properly, and not appreciating differences in communication styles can all lead to a relationship breakdown.

Communication defines a relationship.

Good communication creates long-lasting healthy partnerships, whereas poor communication leads to relationship breakdown.

Poor communication includes the following faults:

Not speaking clearly

Not listening properly

Not appreciating differences in communication styles

Not speaking clearly, not listening properly, and not appreciating differences in communication styles can all cause a relationship breakdown.

The first sign of miscommunication is usually the inability of one of the individuals to express himself or herself properly.

Speaking clearly does not mean how loud a voice is, but how well the person has articulated his or her thoughts.

Think before speaking; formulate thoughts well.

Ask for what you want; don't beat around the bush

Use logic, and even express emotions as objectively as possible

B. Speaking clearly means addressing the matter at hand, and nothing else.

1. Avoid talking about the past or future and focus on immediate issues.

2. Avoid insults and generalizations that put the other person on the defensive.

C. Speaking clearly also means speaking with confidence.

1. Look the other person in the eye.

2. Be respectful, and if anger arises, take a break.

III. The second sign of miscommunication is not listening properly.

A. Listening is more than just hearing.

1. Listening means paying close attention to the other person's body language and other nonverbal cues.

2. Listening requires concentration; if you can't concentrate then ask for a break.

B. Listen with compassion, not judgment

1. Reflect back what the other person says, to avoid misunderstanding (Duerksen).

2. Instead of formulating your response, simply listen to the other person.

3. If you feel threatened by what the other person has to say, take a break and formulate a reasoned response later.

IV. The third sign of miscommunication is not appreciating differences in communication styles.

A. The popular book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus illustrates some different communication styles.

1. Although the differences are not necessarily related to gender, they are related to healthy relationships in general.

2. Some people prefer long periods of silence, while others like to talk a lot.

3. Some people need frequent positive feedback.

B. Respecting the other person's unique needs is crucial for healthy relationships.

1. When in doubt, ask the other person what they need from you to be a better communicator.