Dating Book Book Review

Excerpt from Book Review :

Derek Cajun begins his book with an analysis of online dating. According to Cajun you should not turn to online dating when it is so easy to simply go out and find a woman. Cajun said it was important to actually get out and meeting women, because if you lack practice with your social skills, you are likely to mess up a date. Cajun states that dating sites should not be used to find women, but instead to practice your social skills in order to be ready for your dates. His book outlines the proper method for online dating, meeting women, starting conversation, and taking the next steps (Cajun, 2013).

Cajun refers to his books as "the total gentleman or man's guide to get ladies." As an added bonus he includes chapters on "Phone Game" by Tenmagnet, detailing how to make the first phone call to set up a date, an "Intro to Online Dating" by Keychain, and his own person secret, the "Question Game Routine" for creating good conversation leading to the first date. These bonus chapters help men branch out with their dating skills learning how to talk to a woman on the phone, use online dating appropriately, and how to keep the conversation going in such a way that the lady remains interested (Cajun, 2013).

The problem, according to Cajun, is that men go about their lives thinking, "one day I'll be the guy I've always wanted to be (Cajun, 2013; pg 115)," but they never make the decision to start living in that way, so it never happens. Men have to make a conscious decision regarding who they want to be. Therefore, Cajun says his book is for the man who needs help with online dating. He continues, promising, that before he knows it women will be crawling up his arms if he simply follows the tips (Cajun, 2013).

Male and Female Stereotypes

Stereotyping is subtly scattered into our lives. For example, when we find out a little boy is on the way, the parents prepare a blue nursery, collecting polo shirts and jeans for their boy, while picking a theme that suits a boy such as a jungle or dinosaur theme. Toys often purchased for boys include trucks, dinosaurs, action figures, and video games. Boys are taught throughout their lives to be tough, protective, and to defend themselves when necessary. Sometimes boys are taught that daddy goes to work while mommy stays home. This could be interpreted as boys have fun while girls work. Girls are often dressed in pink and taught to be dainty while letting the man take the lead and control within the household (Brewer).

According to Cajun, men want to communicate clearly about money, but most women do not care as much about this topic as men. Cajun asserts that outside of "gold diggers" most women only care about money for the man being able to provide for and pamper them as they desire. When a dating website asks you to disclose your income, Cajun recommends leaving it blank or checking "not willing to disclose." Instead use your profile to focus on your details. Your profile is your best asset if you are focusing on things that connect you with people. Regardless if you make a large sum or the bare minimum, money should not be the first thing discussed. Therefore, it is best left off of your dating profile. If a woman asks later on, then it is appropriate to brooch the subject (Cajun, 2013-page 19).

Gender Roles

Whether it is intended or not, parents treat their children different based on their gender. The daughter's cry is reacted too more quickly than that of the son. Parents may also give more attention to the daughter, and try out new activities, such as sports, with their sons. Boys are enrolled in sports activities while girls are taken to cheerleading, dance, or something of those sorts. We are taught to look up to and respect our parents, but at times our parents can be far from positive role models. "Everyone Talked Loudly in China Town" is an example of this. Lin's mother was very upset to see her daughter kissing a white boy. This is a result of traditional beliefs and what the mother viewed to be morally wrong. Parents often impose their personal beliefs on their children. For example, forbidding children to date outside of their race or even their gender because of pre-conceived beliefs (How do Gender Role Expectations).

As time progresses gender roles have began to slowly shift. Although women are no longer expected to stay home and raise the children, certain tasks such as grocery shopping, cooking, and cleaning are still viewed as tasks for the woman. In addition certain tasks, such as laundry, are often referred to as "woman's work," while tasks such as mowing the lawn, are considered "man's work." This is evidenced in the story "A Bit of Magic" where Matina worked to earn her own holiday money instead of solely relying on her husband for support. She felt very good being able to provide some in this way. Some men are not bothered at all by the advancements of their spouse, while some are bothered by it greatly and prefer to remain in control, as was traditionally accepted (How do Gender Role Expectations).

Cajun states that guys who are good at seduction will never be able to turn it off. These guys, according to Cajun, are charmers with everyone they come in contact with, and constantly work to improve their ability to seduce. For Cajun, this explains why online dating is one of the easiest ways to meet women. However, Cajun continues that having more women surrounding you is meaningless because, unless you are a person of character, you will not be able to keep them around. Online dating is a great tool if you use it authentically. It is relatively easy to meet people online as it only takes a couple clicks of the mouse. However, the idea is not to be surrounded by hoards of women, but instead to seek connections with women who authentically connect to you (Cajun, 2013-page 114).

Online Dating

Cajun breaks dating sites down into two categories: free and paid sites. Cajun is not a fan of paid sites. He lists many reasons stating often you hear people say paid sites have "more serious" people on there, but in his opinion paid sites often fluff their membership with fake profiles, and he is not a fan of having to pay either. Therefore, Cajun suggests starting with free sites, and suggests one pick their site based on their location. Cajun continues suggesting to only stay on the site so long when you begin talking to someone. He warns that if the back and forth does not seem to go anywhere the other person may lose interest. Therefore, he recommends moving the other person to instant message or phone as soon as possible. On a free site you may be limited to the number of people you can connect with in a given month without upgrading. Therefore, it is probably not wise to send a message to every single person you see. Instead be selective on who you choose to connect with. You are not desperate (Cajun, 2013-page 9).

Online dating can be frustrating, but the desire to find a committed relationship is timeless. From the beginning of time cultures have created specific ways to seek out and obtain a mate for reproduction purposes (Finkel et.al, 2012). In our modern world, people are expected to search out and find their own partner, which can be time consuming and a process of much trial and error. Therefore it is understandable why one would be interested in the prospect of online dating. Online dating provides a safe platform of communication for both parties involved, removing the dangerous situation of meeting up with a stranger. It is no longer required to go to the mall to meet someone wearing a red shirt and cowboy hat. Not only is it not smart to date "blindly" anymore, the world is showing it to be increasingly unsafe. In addition, online dating also offers researchers the ability to use large samples of participants to test their theories in order to re-develop new ones based on how relationships are established (Cajun, 2013-page 30).

Conclusion

I see the Gentlemen's Guide to Online Dating as a practical resource. Cajun uses this book to cover topics such as how to meet women on dating sites, how to date on social networking sites such as Facebook, getting girls to meet up with you using your phone, and how to have fun, exciting dates. Cajun makes it known several times throughout the book that online dating is not a substitute for leaving your house and meeting women out and about. The online dating site Cajun uses throughout this book is Plenty of Fish, the biggest free dating website in the world. However, Cajun's…

Sources Used in Document:

References"

Cajun, D. (2013). Guide To Online Dating. Lulu.com.

Brewer, H. (n.d.). List of Gender Stereotypes. Retrieved April 24, 2015, from http://www.healthguidance.org/entry/15910/1/List-of-Gender-Stereotypes.html

How do gender role expectations impact on the relations between family members? (2008, March 17). Retrieved April 24, 2015, from https://lheylah.wordpress.com/2008/03/17/how-do-gender-role-expectations-impact-on-the-relations-between-family-members/

Finkel, E., Eastwick, P., Karney, B., Sprecher, S., & Reis, H. (2012). Online Dating A Critical Analysis From the Perspective of Psychological Science. Psychological Science in the Public Interest, 3(1), 3-66. Retrieved April 24, 2015, from http://psi.sagepub.com/content/13/1/3.full?ijkey=cK9EB6/4zQ0AM&keytype=ref&siteid=sppsi

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