Emotions
I feel fear in my shoulders: I want to hunch over or curl up. It causes my body to shake; I become nervous and don't know what to do with my hands. I have trouble standing in one spot or being comfortable with myself. It does not matter what generates the feeling of fear: it can be a social situation, or being in an unsafe environment, or feeling threatened by an authority figure. My body typically responds the same way: it loses all composure. My face takes on a look of anxiety, my features either become rigid and tense or they completely lose all form and I become like a bag of jelly.
It is quite a different feeling from anger: when I feel this emotion, my body tightens and I have to move around a lot. It does not matter what I am doing, so long as I am doing something: I may immediately launch into moving things around the room, maybe throwing some items, or cleaning up in a furious manner, setting items where they belong and throwing out others. It becomes like an explosion of activity, of pent up frustration and energy unleashing itself in a fit of rage, only the emotion directs the energy towards passive objects that won't put up any form of resistance. With fear, it is just the opposite: I become the passive object -- I don't know how to move or stand or act or think. I can't think of what to say; my mind becomes confused and I say things that people don't typically say: I...
My body becomes limp or wild in its gesticulations, my hands and arms flying this way or that and my legs bouncing from one to another. My stomach may also begin to revolt against me and quake and seize up. My head may even begin to spin when I feel this strong emotion.
Sometimes with fear comes sadness and the emotions are intertwined, because I don't feel confident in my body and I turn inwards in my mind. Then I can feel my body drooping, my shoulders sagging and my face sagging too. I feel my eyes not shining and my mouth being downturned. My eyes will not know where to look or will just look downward and not up at anything. When this happens, shame is also a part of the feel -- so it is not like I only have one feeling at a time; on the contrary, each of these feelings are related in my body and operate at the same time. For example, if I feel afraid, I may also feel embarrassed for being afraid as though I should have more courage regardless of the situation. The shame feeling just weighs on my shoulders even more, making me want to curl up in a ball.
Thus, my body responds when these emotions take over me. I want to try to get control of it and project a feeling of confidence, but I know that I am overdoing it. I will push out my jaw…
