Faking Orgasm: Why Women Should Be True to Themselves and Their Partner
Why would any person, male or female, fake an orgasm? Throughout history, women have reported faking orgasms much more frequently than men. The reasons are varied, and include the desire to please their mate, self-consciousness at actually achieving orgasm, and the lack of knowledge related to how their "plumbing" works. Most individuals have likely "faked" an orgasm at least once in their life.
History of Women Faking Orgasm: According to an article by Laura Lewis, "Why Women Fake Orgasm," women often feel a mental pressure to climax. Ms. Lewis describes a situation where the male member of a couple refuses to climax prior to his partner's own pleasure
Why Women Fake Orgasm: Another important consideration: Why are men much more comfortable with saying, "I just can't do it tonight, sorry." Have women been programmed to believe that they are responsible for creating happiness and maintaining relationships?
Argument Against Faking Orgasm
Examples of Articles Supporting Women's Liberty
Fallacy of Pleasing Male Ego's: Even more a source of embarrassment for many women is the fact that they feel they can't come clean to their mate about faking orgasm, because they have done it for years. Such a revelation will likely cause terrible feelings of inadequacy and guilt. The only reasonable solution therefore, is to be honest with one's mate from the beginning.
Conclusion: The worst result of women faking an orgasm: they'll feel obligated to continue doing so in the future, indefinitely perhaps, and never achieve the intimacy and joy that results from climaxing with their partner. Cheating a partner out of their pleasure is bad. Cheating oneself out of pleasure is a crime that should be punished. If a woman isn't certain about how to orgasm, she should investigate the matter.
Why would any person, male or female, fake an orgasm? Throughout history, women have reported faking orgasms much more frequently than men. The reasons are varied, and include the desire to please their mate, self-consciousness at actually achieving orgasm, and the lack of knowledge related to how their "plumbing" works. Most individuals have likely "faked" an orgasm at least once in their life. There will always come a time when one just wants to get the process over with, please their partner, and catch a few zzz's. However, the reality is this: Orgasms are wonderful. Yet for many inexplicable reasons, thousand upon thousands of women fake orgasms on a frequent basis. They do not fake orgasms on occasion only, but rather fake the majority of time rather than the minority.
Orgasms are a source of pleasure, relaxation, stress relief and intimacy between two people. No woman should fake orgasms for any length of time. Such acts are precipitous to lying and deceitful behavior, hidden insecurities and lack of knowledge about what it takes to please oneself. Rather, women should be honest in their intentions, relations and self-disclosure and awareness. Women should not fake orgasms any more often than men should, and optimally, never.
According to an article by Laura Lewis, "Why Women Fake Orgasm," women often feel a mental pressure to climax. Ms. Lewis describes a situation where the male member of a couple refuses to climax prior to his partner's own pleasure. While such a notion may seem grand in nature, the idea actually places often unneeded and unwelcome pressure on a woman to climax before her partner. The article goes on to describe how one woman is actually "numbed" and needs a break from her partner's vigorous thrusting efforts. His attempt to make his mate climax has resulted in the opposite reaction. The article describes the male's desire to have his partner cum in fact, as "An act of chivalry she both appreciates and dreads. The harder she tries to comply, the more anxious and further from achievement she slides. As her level of anxiety rises, her body begins to dry. Yet another obstacle she now must overcome as the promise of deliverance slips further from her grasp" (Lewis, 2003).
Any individual under such intense scrutiny, whether male or female, would certainly feel pressure and anxiety, thus resulting in lack of pleasure. Men when under pressure, often go "flaccid." Why then wouldn't women have the same reaction, when feeling pressured to climax, even if their partner has their best interests in mind? Many have argued that a man's desire to see his mate climax prior to his own is not an act of chivalry, but rather an ego boosting act that a man can feel good about later. Undoubtedly, women often over time have proven more complicated, and according to stereotypes, any man who breaks this barrier has in essence, achieved some kind or amazing and enlightened state.
What are the rewards of faking an orgasm? As Lewis puts it, "The ear to ear grin and happy exhaustion he emanates, proud in his accomplishment to once again please her. How can she take that away from him? It's one of her favorite moments that satisfied grin of a happy little boy, so proud of himself and the liquid masterpiece he's painted" (Lewis, 2003).
What of a woman's own happiness? According to a survey conducted in this article, the following is true of women and orgasms:
100% had faked orgasm at some point in their life.
81% admitted to doing so with their current partner
29% of the married women stated they had never experienced an orgasm either with their husband or through self-manipulation.
72% said they have never experienced an orgasm through penile penetration alone." Source: Lewis, Laura. "Why Women Fake Orgasms"
Why then do women fake it? Many have hypothesized that the reason is to spare their mates feelings. No one wants to make his or her partner feel inadequate. How true is a woman however, who pretends to feel pleasure? Is she not cheating herself, as well as her lover by lying about her own orgasm? Would not a more true bond be forged by a woman who simply admits that she is not stimulated enough to achieve climax?
Part of the problem exists in the fact that many women are not confident enough about their bodies and self-image to feel free enough to go "wild" in the bedroom. Others have simply not given themselves enough time to really explore what makes them feel good. Still others, know what makes them feel good, yet have been conditioned to be ashamed to tell their mates or take on a more dominant position in the bedroom. Studies have indicated that women in fact, may receive more stimulation directly to the clitoris by being in the top position. However, this position may leave any individual feeling vulnerable, as their every roll and contour is in full view of their mate. It is reasonable to conclude therefore, that women may need a boost of self-confidence, from their mates, from their family, from themselves.
Perhaps women are embarrassed by the length of time necessary for them to reach orgasm. Typically, men have been able to come "at the drop of a hat." It is not uncommon for a woman to reach climax only after 30 minutes or more of direct stimulation to her clitoris. Such a lengthy engagement ultimately is likely to cause some women to feel discomfort and embarrassment at their "perceived sexual difficulties." Ultimately however, any man who is seasoned and knows how women work will certainly acknowledge and embrace the fact that women need some extra attention.
Even more a source of embarrassment for many women is the fact that they feel they can't come clean to their mate about faking orgasm, because they have done it for years. Such a revelation will likely cause terrible feelings of inadequacy and guilt. The only reasonable solution therefore, is to be honest with one's mate from the beginning. A man's pleasure and pride are certainly important, however equally important are a woman's feelings of adequacy and satisfaction in a relationship. If a woman can't admit to her mate what it takes to please her, then she is lying not only to her mate but also to herself, and cheating herself as well.
According to Jennifer Bendery, more women need to understand that having difficulty achieving orgasm, or talking about it even among private girlfriends, is perfectly normal. In an article she wrote related to the TV sitcom "Sex and the City," Ms. Bendery comments on the outrageous frankness of the single women, mostly in their thirties, portrayed on the show. They freely discuss their inability at times, to orgasm (Bendery, 2002). The article reveals the following: "Many hip young women living in major cities: 1) are not having orgasms at all (never have); 2) "think" they are having orgasms (probably never have); or 3) rarely have orgasms during sex, and not at all during masturbation. The more we talked to girlfriends and random interviewees, the more we realized that many women want to talk about…