Cyberbullying and school bullying: definitions, motivations, and responses

Bullying

"Studies show that most bullies do not engage in belittling or violent behavior in order to hide a lack of self-esteem. In most cases, the bully is confident and possess high self-esteem….he has a need to dominate others…" (Marr, 2003, p. 1)

Bullying has become a serious problem in schools, more serious than in the past because children can now bully over the Internet in addition to the bullying they can do at school. There are tools parents and teachers can use to teach children how to avoid a bully, and even how to fight back if needed. The problem will likely never go away completely because there will always be children who misbehave in a belligerent way. But public awareness is an important step to take, and a second important step is to have parents work with their kids on how do deal with bullying, if they have to confront a situation like that.

Introduction

What is bullying? Finessa Ferrell-Smith writes in the National Conference of State Legislators' "Issues & Research" section that there is no universal definition of bullying but there are certain patterns that can be observed. Ferrell-Smith writes that bullying includes "…harassment, intimidation to varying degrees, taunting and ridicule" (Ferrell-Smith, 2009, p. 1). What motivates bullies? Ferrell-Smith explains that bullies are motivated by "hate and bias"; sometimes the bullying is done because of "cultural norms, peer pressure or the desire to retaliate" (p. 1). In some cases bullying is a purely gender-based act -- boys bully girls -- and in other cases it is because certain kids are "weaker, smaller, funny looking or dumb," Ferrell-Smith continues, quoting from kids who were asked to identify bully's targets.

Not much is heard with reference to female bullying, but Ferrell-Smith explains that girls who bully quite often do it through non-physical acts like "teasing and spreading rumors" (p.1). The author explains that the research shows three types of bullying by female adolescents. They are "relational, indirect and social" (p. 1). The relational type includes damaging or threatening to damage a friendship or a relationship; using "negative body language of facial expressions"; and ignoring a person or getting in that person's way (p. 1).

The indirect aggression allows the perpetrator to avoid a confrontation face-to-face and makes it seem like there was no actual intent to hurt someone; Ferrell-Smith writes that in this case the bully "uses others to inflict pain by spreading rumors" (p. 1). The social aggression linked to female bullying can be an attack on the "recipient's self-esteem or social status within a group by rumor spreading or social exclusion" (p. 2).

The National School Safety Center has identified myriad forms of bullying, and Ferrell-Smith published them in bullet points on page 2 of her article. Direct / physical bullying: "punching, poking, strangling, suffocating, pinching, shoving, hitting, biting, spitting, hair pulling, finger bending, ganging up or cornering, stabbing, excessive tickling, burning, poisoning, theft and shooting" (Ferrell-Smith, p. 2). Some of those kinds of bullying are more like felonious acts, rather than schoolyard bullying, but technically they fit in the genre.

Verbal bullying includes: "name-calling, put-downs, insults or verbal threats, cruel jokes, or demands for money, property, or servitude" (Ferrell-Smith, p. 2). There is also emotional bullying, and a few of those will be mentioned here: "terrorizing, defaming, humiliating, blackmailing…manipulating friendships, playing mean or embarrassing tricks, peer pressure…hateful graffiti, hateful looks…ostracizing on the basis of social status" (Ferrell-Smith, p. 2).

Sexual bullying is defined as: "exhibitionism, voyeurism, sexual propositioning…and abuse involving actual touching, physical contact or sexual assault" (Ferrell-Smith, p. 2). Finally, The National School Safety Center lists hate-motivated bullying: this is often based on race ("taunting about race"), it certainly involves bias against religion, sexual orientation, physical or mental disabilities -- and "can legally constitute a hate crime" (Ferrell-Smith, p. 2).

Bullying Can Cause Depression and Anti-Social Behaviors

Meanwhile, an article in ScienceDaily (2003) goes into the impacts that bullying has on young school children. The article explains that when young children are bullied at school they have after effects that are more serious in terms of their emotional maturation. In fact when young kindergarten students are "verbally and physically abused" by their peers in school they "show signs of antisocial and depressive behavior," the article points out, referencing Dr. James Synder of Wichita State University as the source of the information on bullying.

Boys are more likely to become antisocial and depressed than girls, Synder goes on; indeed, when a boy is harassed and bullied at a young age, that may lead to the "increased likelihood of being "victimized" by his peers over the long run, according to Snyder's research. How bad is it on playgrounds in terms of bullying? Snyder's research team observed 226 elementary school students interacting on the playground "on multiple occasions" from the beginning of kindergarten to the end of first grade. The researches noted every incidence of "aggression and victimization," the Science Daily article explains.

The bottom line for this research was that children were targets of "peer physical or verbal harassment about once every three to six minutes," according to Snyder. Part of the research survey included getting information from parents regarding the children who were bullied most often; parents reported "tantrums, arguing, and bullying" from those who had themselves been bullied. The salient point of this article is that besides the immediate discomfort and embarrassment inflicted on those being bullied, there are residual negative ramifications, including depression and antisocial behaviors.

What Can Be Done To Prevent -- or Deter -- Bullying?

Bullying can happen anywhere, in urban schools, rural schools, and in suburban schools. An article on the Website Kid Power (www.kidpower.org) points out ways that children who are being bullied can fight back, protect themselves, and ideally they can "prevent, avoid, leave, or de-escalate problems before they become physical" (p. 1). Families can arrange for their children to attend workshops -- "Full Force Worships" -- and be "empowered" with a "full range of skills they deserve in order to escape emergency situations as quickly as possible" (kidpower, p. 1).

The Kid Power strategy that is taught is laid out in age-appropriate categories, but basically they are taught through role-playing, through learning "positive, practical solutions" that includes "upbeat language that is skill-based, not fear-based." The children in these workshops are taught about being "aware" not being "wary"; and the positive juxtaposition of those two words is also used as they teach "stranger safety" not "stranger danger" (Kid Power, p. 1). Obviously, the idea is to give kids confidence to perceive what situation they are about to come into contact with, and use what they have been shown through the hands-on training sessions. And above all, defuse the situation if possible, don't throw gasoline on a fire when it's still just a small flicker of a flame.

Children between the ages 4 and 8 are given instructions with their parents involved in the training; families together are coached to help avoid confrontations but the class for this age group "does not" get involved in "self-defense skills" (Kit Power, p. 2). Children 6 to 12 years of age are also taking these training sessions with parents involved; children do learn some self-defense skills from "one-on-one coaching" and the instructor has padding so thrusts by the children do not hurt the instructor. Children in the "FamilyPower Workshop" (for kids 6 and up) learn "full force physical self-defense skills" and parents are trained to continue working with their children.

In January of 2010, 15-year-old Phoebe Prince came home from school, strung a rope up in her room, and killed herself by hanging (Kuchinskas, 2010, p. 1). Phoebe is a recent immigrant from Ireland and had apparently subjected to "relentless harassment" from peers in her school for about four months, Kuchinskas writes. There are nine students that face "criminal charges for their hateful actions," albeit no punishment will bring Phoebe back to life. The point of the article is that some bullies learn to be mean and vicious because of what they experience at home.

Sometimes there is "…intimidation in the household," according to Ronald Mah, an expert on bullying and the author of Getting Beyond Bullying and Exclusion (Kuchinskas, p. 1). If there is victimization within the family, or in the neighborhood, a child can pick up on that and use those bullying tactics on others, Mah explains. The three core things that parents can help their children latch onto, Mah goes on; those are: a) a "positive sense of self," including helping children feel confident about "who and what they want to be"; b) a strong work ethic (parents who value work and instill that ethic in their children); and c) a "sense of responsibility to others and to the community" (Kuckinskas, p. 1).