Life Altering Events Change, it

Life Altering Events Change, it is said, is the only constant in life. Change, as it happens, is also crucial in facilitating the growth of an individual through his or her life span. In fact, it can even be said that change is at the fulcrum of Nature's grand design of evolution. Strangely, however, if there is one thing that we humans are prone to resist -- it is change. Today, I personally welcome change as an opportunity to learn and grow.

But, I must admit that I did not always welcome events that upset my well-ordered life. Indeed, I can recall two specific points of time when I deeply resented the events that altered the course of my life. The first of these took place during my adolescence when the death of my uncle left a deep void in my life. The second event occurred recently when I was forced to accept the break down of an intimate relationship. Carl Jung once observed, "We cannot change anything until we accept it.

Condemnation does not liberate, it oppresses." (Words of Wisdom) The undeniable wisdom in Jung's words is something that perhaps an adult, who is facing the disruption caused by the death of a loved one, can appreciate. I, however, was too young to even comprehend or accept that death is an inevitable part of life's cycle. Therefore, my uncle's death was a point of change and discontinuity, which resulted in a wide range of personal emotions that I had to learn to deal with.

In fact, as I look back on that traumatic time, I am able to see exactly what Tennant and Pogson meant when they said, "It is, thus, the unexpected life events, those that occur 'out of time' that are the potential crises." (Smith, 1999). My uncle's untimely demise was a personal crisis of some magnitude because he was a key figure in my young life.

Besides being a person who I regarded as my mentor and idol, my uncle was the person who made it a point to take me on camping and fishing expeditions, and to all kinds of sporting activities. When I learnt of his death, therefore, I felt his loss on more than one level. Indeed, the grief was so deep, I felt like a boat set out to drift without an anchor.

The result of feeling so bereft, unfortunately, led to a period of depression and withdrawal interspersed by bouts of anger at the perceived unfairness of a hand dealt by a cruel and indifferent fate. In fact, I must admit, that I spent a lot of time in asking the rather futile question of "why me?" Fortunately, my parents were very supportive and were able to help me through a period of difficult transition by talking to me about the nature of life.

They also pointed out that my uncle would hardly have approved of the manner in which I was handling his death. In fact, it was this particular observation, more than any other, that helped snap me out of my grief and self-pity. Ultimately, the experience taught me that life's setbacks must be faced with understanding and equanimity, failing which one runs the risk of falling prey to despair and stagnation.

Indeed, as Erikson rightly points out, the key to a healthy identity lies in developing a sense of integrity; a feeling that life is worthwhile, irrespective of hardships and losses (Wu). Though my uncle's death played a major role in my self-development, I must confess that it also left behind one negative effect. And, that is, an irrational fear that I will loose other loved ones to death, as suddenly as I lost my uncle.

The lessons I learnt from the tragic death of my uncle were put to the test recently when I was forced to accept the fact that my relationship with my significant other was over. Initially, my reactions to the loss were pretty much the same in terms of giving into my grief and despair. And, once again, I spent a lot of time in condemning both my partner as well as fate.

However, thanks to my previous experience in dealing with a cataclysmic event, I was able to quickly pull myself out of my depression through introspection. As a result, I was able to face up to the fact that I was equally responsible for the relationship not working out. In.