Personal Conflict a Current Personal

Personal Conflict

A current personal conflict I am experiencing (actually, it has been ongoing), is with my mother. We have had a personality conflict and animosity toward each other for many years, and using the systems theory approach to this conflict, I can see that there is a real pattern in our conflict. As I have grown older, I have asserted my independence more frequently, and asked for my mother's support in allowing me to mature into a responsible adult. However, my mother still sees me as a child who needs nurturing and guidance, and she is unwilling to give me independence in many ways. This is a pattern that has continued for quite a while and causes us to butt heads and both assert our control over the other -- me by refusing to allow her to nurture me, and her by refusing to allow me a measure of control over my own life.

I see that I have "tagged" her with the fault as the text notes (179), and that I am making her the villain in the conflict, rather than attempting to work things out and come to a mutual successful conclusion. Through my "lens," my mother is being difficult and unyielding, while through her lens, she is losing me, and she does not want to lose me. The wholeness of the system includes my other family members, who do not like our arguing, and tend to stay away from us so as not to "ruffle feathers," especially when we are disagreeing with each other. As a unit, we are a close family, but that dynamic changes when there is friction between my mother and myself. I see that our arguing is driving the rest of the family away from us, because it is unpleasant and stressful to be around.