¶ … Trigger and How to Change It
Something that triggers my emotions in the book is when I read about microaggressions (Sue, Sue, 2013, p. 161) and in particular the way that progressive society wants me to react to issues that it supports but that I do not. For example, the idea that LGBTs should be able to adopt is one that is supported by progressive society, but every time I read about (in this book the rights of LGBTs are identified) or see a story about it in the media, I have an emotional reaction to it. LGBTs and adoption are definitely a trigger for me.
This may be the result of a number of things: first, I have a very traditional conception of family. I view a family as having a father and a mother (who are married) and children (who come after marriage). I know this conception of family is hardly the norm today, but it is still the norm as far as I'm concerned, and just because it is no longer the popular norm statistically speaking does not mean that I have changed my view about what constitutes a normal family. When I hear the media talking up stories about LGBT couples adopting a child, it clashes with my view of constitutes normalcy and the fact that the media promotes this vision of family life as something good (and even better) than the traditional view of family life causes my trigger to be pulled. I often wonder why the media never does a story about a traditional family -- but I suppose that is nothing new or newsworthy. I admit, the trigger is an emotional one, and I fully understand the reasons for why the media would promote LGBT adoptions and why this issue is discussed in our book and why the subject of microaggressions is addressed. This things are real and they are part of society and that means they have to be talked about. I still wonder, however, if there is not a clash of fundamental viewpoints about what is really good or bad going on underneath these discussions. That suspicion may also be a reason for why this is a trigger for me.
This trigger obviously may get in the way of working with particular clients/colleagues in the future who either associate with the LGBT community or believe strongly in supporting LGBT rights. Clearly I will need to make some adjustments in my emotional response system in order to better be able to work effectively and fairly with such persons in the future. It does not mean I have to change my views, but I can at least do some work to reduce the emotional trigger response that I experience when I come across this issue. I may also have to rethink how my emotional response can be negatively impactful towards others.
The changes that I think I need to make to address this trigger and my reaction to the trigger are rooted in what Sue and Sue identify as "homophobia" -- "it has been argued that internalized homophobia is even more psychologically damaging and destructive than overt incidents of homophobia" (p. 164). I never thought of myself as being homophobic and I am still not even sure that this really gets to the heart of the issue, but I am willing to accept that I do not have a "mainstream" view of LGBT issues and that this is connected to my trigger. What I have to do is to change my psychology as it relates to this trigger. Instead of cringing or having a negative emotional response when I hear of an LGBT adopting a child, I can try to put myself in their shoes. If I were a capable, strong, healthy and ethical individual who happened to be LGBT, what would I do if I wanted to adopt? Perhaps I would want a family of my own too? Once I begin to think in this manner, I can more easily see what it must be like to be an LGBT and not be able to have children the natural way. It is no doubt a great joy for such persons to be able to adopt. Setting aside my own religious and cultural beliefs, and putting myself in their shoes, I am able to neutralize my emotional trigger. This is called engaging in empathy. It does not necessarily mean that I am justifying their position or that I am now a supporter of their community or their rights, but that I am simply able to understand their perspective and even identify with it on a human level. By empathizing I am able to...
By viewing them first instead of myself, my emotional trigger veritably collapses and is felt no more. I see with a new heart all sorts of emotional ups and downs that the LGBT no doubt faces over this serious issue of adoption: I see the whole life of the child and the parent together, growing older, facing life's challenges, questioning the world about everything, experiencing the concerns. It is a vision that makes me feel the same kind of concern and fear that any parent or guardian would have when a child is involved. But by seeing this way and putting myself in an empathetic mode, I am able to better respond to the situation.
Empathy is actually a great way to handle such situations. Even though I may personally feel strongly about an issue, it does not mean that I have to scold or frown or show my disapproval every time something I object to comes around. That is not what being empathetic is all about. Empathy is about "listening, caring, understanding, valuing, feeling," and being in another person's shoes for a moment and helping and yourself to cope with a situation that requires basic human decency and respect (Wiseman, 1996, p. 1163). Tshuldin (1989) has noted that one's level of empathy essentially shows to what extent that person will be able to provide care for others and to help meet the needs of others. Empathy is like a direct line into another person's heart and it gets around all the obstacles that can prevent us from connecting and really elevating and uplifting one another to a better, higher place where a greater quality of life can be achieved.
In my own line of work, empathy can be a great tool for connecting with colleagues and clients and I should consider it as such in order to help neutralize my emotional trigger. Wiseman (1996) calls it the "projection of the self into the feelings of others," and "the power of entering into another's personality and imaginatively experiencing his experiences" (p. 1163). By engaging in this practice of empathizing I can reduce cognitive dissonance in my own mind and put myself on a more even footing with the person or community that I am engaged with. Eliminating cognitive dissonance in the mind is the first step towards reaching a state of equilibrium, and once that is attained there is no more emotional disruption related to a trigger -- it has been taken care of by the cognitive work put in via empathizing.
How to engage in the act of empathizing is also helpful to understand in order to help change my response to this trigger. Wiseman (1996) asserts that there are three basic or fundamental qualities to empathy: "affective (sensitivity), cognitive (observation and mental processing), and communicative (helper's response)" (p. 1164). Each of these characteristics plays a part in the development of the right attitude that I should cultivate in order to make my role in the workforce and in the community more positive and effective. Essentially, my aim should be to promote positivity as this is an effective strategy of all individuals who wish to be leaders. Positivity attracts people and makes others want to work with you. So even if my cultural and religious views conflict with those of others, my positive outlook will be something that can serve as a binder that can help us to work towards a common aim -- and in business the common aim is the transaction that is being performed between two entities. My own personal feelings need not enter into it.
What does need to enter into it, however, is the characteristic of empathy, as Wiseman points out. One should be sensitive -- because without sensitivity, we can miss important cues that the other person is putting down for us that we can readily pick up in order to facilitate the relationship and the transaction in a more effective and positive manner.
The second thing to do is to able to identify through observation and mental processing the ways in which the individual with whom I am interacting can be assisted. The individual is not looking for a judgment and that is not my role; my role is…
