Why Tweens are Rebellious A Search for Autonomy

The American Tween: Parents and Peers

A tween’s world is strongly influenced by multiple external forces in their lives besides their parents, including most especially sibling, peers, their schools, the media and the communities in which they live. It is therefore not surprising that many tweens feel compelled for reasons that are beyond easy understanding to behave in ways that are contrary to just what their parents want and expect (Frydenberg et al., 2019). It is also not surprising that many adults interpret such behaviors as being rebellious and even anti-social, particularly since these types of behaviors are novel for many young people.

In the chapter, “The Science of Teen Rebellion,” the point is made that tweens are essentially “professional prevaricators” who do not even really realize when they are lying to their parents because this type of response is so ingrained. The point is also made, though, that tweens are reluctant to tell their parents the truth about many topics and routinely lie about a significant percentage of them – even when they do not have to. In this regard, Bronson and Merryman emphasize that, “[They] lie about what they spend their allowance on, and whether they’ve started dating, and what clothes they put on away from the house” (p. 138). In other words, tweens feel compelled to lie to their parents for reasons other than deception, reinforcing the notion that they are seeking autonomy and self-control over their own lives during this formative period.

Another noteworthy finding discussed by Bronson and Merryman concerned the diminishment in intrinsic motivation levels together with an increase in boredom that are experienced by tweens, typically beginning around the seventh grade which persists for several years. This tendency to become bored leads many tweens to experiment with drugs and alcohol with their peers because they did not know “how else to enjoy their free time” (Bronson & Merryman, p. 141). These findings underscore the importance of open communication, engaging activities, and guidance during the tween years to help channel their quest for independence in positive directions and foster healthy decision-making skills.

Likewise, an article by Wong (2017) rightly acknowledges the unique struggles and challenges that tweens face during this transitional phase, from the physical and emotional turmoil of puberty to the heightened desire for autonomy and self-discovery. The insights shared by Wong (2017) highlight the manner in which middle schools can inadvertently infantilize or overly rigidify students at a time when they crave more autonomy, freedom and opportunities for self-expression.

In addition, Wong (2017) also makes a compelling case concerning why middle school deserves more attention and thoughtful restructuring to better support the distinct needs of tweens. For example, simple adjustments such as accommodating changing nutritional needs, allowing more social interaction, and resisting the urge to pigeonhole students prematurely can go a long way. In this regard, Wong (2017) emphasizes that, “One easy fix: a little bell-schedule rejiggering so that middle-schoolers can fuel their growing appetites when their bodies need it” (p. 3). The most profound point made by Wong (2017), though, is that the empathy deficit many adults harbor toward middle schoolers, dismissing their angsty behaviors and tumultuous emotions as trivial rather than a natural part of human development.