Arranged Marriages in India vs. American Traditional Marriage

Introduction to Arranged Marriages in India

Arranged marriages are common in South Asian communities, and India is no exception. People with a traditional mindset hesitate to even mention any other form of marriage; for them, love-based marriages are a threat to family honor and values, since they involve dating and pre-marital mingling. In India, young people — whether educated or illiterate, modern or traditional, religious or not — are fully aware of the possibility of an arranged marriage, having grown up in a system where arranged unions are understood to have as great a chance of success as love-based ones. The majority of marriages in India are arranged, so this is neither new nor strange for people in that country (Kurian, 1991).

An arranged marriage is defined as a "contractual agreement, written or unwritten, between two families, rather than individuals," in which "the principle of familialism and interdependent social relationships are dominant, especially for females. The individual's interests, needs, and happiness are considered secondary to the interests of the family and community" (Shuraydi, 2002). Such a union is valued because it helps maintain social structure and traditional social arrangements in which community and family take precedence over the two individuals involved. An arranged marriage takes place with the help of family members, distant relatives, or go-betweens who consider factors such as "family background, economic position, general character, family reputation, the value of the dowry, the effect of alliance on the property, and other family matters" (Prakasa, 15) before arranging a meeting between two families.

Defining Arranged Marriage and the Role of Dowry

Dowry usually plays an important role in Indian arranged marriages despite the fact that the law bans it. Dowry is considered illegal, yet it still affects the fate of potential unions in India. It is defined as "any property or valuable security given or agreed to be given either directly or indirectly by one party to a marriage to the other party to the marriage, or by the parents of either party to a marriage or by any other person, to either party to the marriage or to any other person at or before or after the marriage as consideration for the marriage of the said parties" (Diwan, 77).

Now that we understand what arranged marriages are and how they take place in India, we are in a better position to compare them with traditional American marriage. A traditional American marriage is a "girl meets boy" story in which two people fall in love and ultimately tie the knot, with or without the blessings of their parents. Parents, families, and friends play secondary roles, as it is the two individuals who matter most and whose interests are placed ahead of everyone else's. This model is largely foreign to South Asian culture but is almost the only mode of marriage planning in the United States. On the surface it sounds like a sensible proposition — after all, the concerns of two people who are tying the knot should be paramount, and their choice of life-partner must be respected, since they will spend the rest of their lives together.

Traditional American Marriage and the Shift Toward Love-Based Unions

This view has become so popular that many Indian young people are also rapidly abandoning old practices and preferring love marriages to arranged unions. With the exception of immigrant Indian communities, where arranged marriages are surprisingly common, love marriages are quickly replacing old customs. Exposure to Western values has made Indian youth enamored with the idea of storybook romance, and a love-based marriage can seem more appealing than an arranged one. This modern trend is similar to a shift noted in an older study by Phillips examining marriages in Africa. The researcher observed: "In attempting an analysis of modern trends, mention should perhaps first be made of the diminishing importance of the collective or group aspect of marriage. Emphasis is shifting to the individual aspect of marriage as a relationship between two persons.... The traditional function of the marriage relationship as a continuing bond between two kinship groups ... is being lost to view.... The developments referred to above are attributable to a combination of factors, which cannot be examined in detail here but which may broadly be comprehended under the term 'culture contact.'" (Phillips, xii–xiii)

But is a love-based marriage, as practiced in the United States, really better than an arranged marriage? This is an important question that deserves careful consideration, since what appears more practical may not prove more successful in the long run. With the divorce rate in the U.S. continuing to rise, many Americans may harbor doubts about their own marriage system. It is therefore worthwhile to examine how the two systems compare.

What is the real purpose of getting married? What do we need from marriage, and how does it benefit future generations? Marriage is a social contract regardless of how personal a union it may appear. When two people choose to live together with society's approval, they do so with the intention of raising a family in a healthy environment. If marriage were not a social institution, people would simply live together without any desire to make the union legal. Yet marriage is as important an institution in America as it is in India. The primary purpose of tying the knot is to provide future generations with a stable family life. The facilitation of procreation and raising a family are typically the primary concerns of a married couple, and no one wants their children to grow up in an unstable or insecure environment.