Billie Jean and Knapp's Ten Stages of Relational Development

Introduction: A Song as a Relational Map

Most people have had relationships that began with promise but ended badly. This is certainly true in my own experience, and I can think of one popular song that always reminds me of the optimistic beginning and disastrous end of a particular relationship. That song is "Billie Jean," a well-known and best-selling single by the late Michael Jackson, released on his 1983 album Thriller — which still ranks among the best-selling albums of all time. Many people will remember the slow and ominous chord progression of the song's opening, or the memorable music video that introduced America to the "moonwalk," Jackson's signature dance move.

What is most interesting to me is the way in which the song follows Knapp's classic ten stages of relational development. This is apparent from the song's opening, in which the singer and a young woman meet as strangers in a social setting — a crowded nightclub. The first verse illustrates the first stage of relational development: initiating. Generally this stage involves small talk, where two people meet for the first time. For most people, this stage is not quite as melodramatic as it appears in "Billie Jean." Here, the initiation begins when the singer notices the woman as particularly striking, and the small talk that follows is suggestive and unsettling. A woman who announces within moments of meeting you that you "are the one" is generally giving you a profound warning sign. The chief reason I relate to this song is that I learned this lesson the hard way: instantaneous intimacy is usually a strong clue that the other person may be somewhat unstable, to say the least.

Knapp's Coming-Together Stages in 'Billie Jean'

In reality, the character of Billie Jean attempts to compress the first five stages of relational development into a single night at a nightclub. Ordinarily, the initiating phase — with its nondescript small talk — progresses to the second stage of experimenting, which involves casual social conversation. Billie Jean might introduce Michael Jackson to her friends, for example, or he might introduce her to his. This would then progress to intensifying, in which each partner begins to exhibit personal idiosyncrasies in an attempt to discover shared interests or compatible worldviews — this is what we describe when a new couple discovers what they have in common.

The fourth stage is integrating, when the couple joins together as a social unit by participating jointly in social groups. This is generally followed by bonding, a public ritual — the classic example of the bonding stage is, of course, a wedding, though there are other forms as well. My suggestion is that Billie Jean is someone who wants to push through all five of these stages simultaneously. This interpretation depends, of course, on how one reads the cryptic phrase at the center of the song's lyrics — the invitation to "dance on the floor in the round." This sounds like a playful opening line intended to provoke a response.

Billie Jean's conversation leaps past small talk and quickly becomes intense. She "causes a scene" as she invites the singer into a very public, one-on-one dance in a crowded nightclub. In some sense, the nature of the dance already resembles a bonding ritual — we are led to believe that the social spectacle is intensified by her attractiveness, as onlookers envy the man she has chosen. The "dance on the floor in the round" is understood, within the context of the song, as more than just a dance; it represents a sexual encounter initiated by Billie Jean herself, arising from instantaneous attraction. This is the reading generally accepted by listeners, and it is confirmed by the song's repeated bridge and chorus.

The Role of Instant Intimacy and Warning Signs

Considering how the singer met Billie Jean, it is difficult to accept that he is the one who goes "around breaking hearts" — she was the one who approached him and declared he was "the one." In other words, the decision to become a couple — the shared social activity of integrating, and the public ritual of bonding — essentially occurs the moment the singer agrees to dance with her. Within the context of the song, this dance is clearly a sexual metaphor, and what is most disturbing is that Billie Jean has turned this seduction ritual into a public display. This, too, should have been a warning sign.

For those familiar with the song, I should clarify: the reason "Billie Jean" reminds me of an important past relationship is not because that relationship ended with an unwanted pregnancy and a denial of paternity. Rather, I use the song to explore how relational stages can become distorted when one partner turns out to be delusional, mentally unstable, or manipulative. In such a case, "the lie becomes the truth" because the other partner had a weak relationship to honesty from the outset — the sort of person who will say anything, however untrue or hurtful, because the need to establish a relationship took precedence over genuine connection.

That is why the lesson of the song comes in its second verse: "Take my strong advice / just remember to always think twice." But the background vocals reveal internal conflict — "don't think twice / do think twice" — showing how difficult it is to resist in such situations. As Michael Jackson revealed in his own autobiography, the song's title almost carried a more emphatic message; he admitted that "'Not My Lover' is a title we almost used for 'Billie Jean'" (Jackson 191). These words appear in the lyrics themselves, but they underscore how quickly this relationship forms and collapses.

Conclusion: A Pathological Relationship in Plain Sight

Although this relationship follows the standard model described by Knapp's relational development framework, it is clearly pathological. A healthy relationship does not plunge into instant intimacy on a one-night stand and then follow it up with possibly fictional claims of paternity. The ten stages provide a useful map, but they do not guarantee a healthy outcome — they simply describe the trajectory that relationships tend to follow, whether functional or dysfunctional.

This famous song illustrates that the stages of relational development can be rushed, distorted, and weaponized by someone with unstable or manipulative intentions. So it is worth heeding Michael Jackson's advice and remembering, as he sings, to always think twice. Healthy relationship development depends not only on following the right stages but on ensuring that both partners are entering those stages in good faith.

Works Cited

Jackson, Michael. "Billie Jean." Thriller. 1983. Web. Accessed 21 March 2014.

Jackson, Michael. Moonwalk. New York: Crown, 2009. Print.