Counseling and Mediation as Alternatives to Divorce
This paper examines the high rate of divorce in the United States and argues that married couples should pursue professional counseling or mediation before deciding to divorce. Drawing on CDC data regarding marriage, divorce, and cohabitation statistics, as well as peer-reviewed scholarship by Janine M. Bernard and Elana Katz, the paper explores how "marriage myths" and "divorce myths" lead couples toward separation and how professional intervention can counteract these harmful assumptions. The paper also distinguishes between counseling and mediation as viable alternatives to divorce, emphasizing the particular importance of professional help when children are involved.
- Introduction: Marriage and Divorce in the United States: CDC statistics frame the divorce problem and thesis
- Marriage and Divorce Myths: Bernard's eight marriage and divorce myths examined
- The Role of Counseling Before and During Marriage: Professional counseling as antidote to harmful myths
- Mediation as an Alternative to Divorce: Katz on mediation process, roles, and benefits
- Conclusion: Counseling or mediation preferable to divorce myths
✍️ How to write this paper — guide, tools & examples ▾
What makes this paper effective
- Opens with concrete CDC statistics that establish the scope and urgency of the divorce problem before introducing the thesis, grounding the argument in quantitative evidence.
- Engages directly with peer-reviewed sources (Bernard and Katz) rather than relying on anecdote, lending academic credibility to a topic that is often treated informally.
- Distinguishes clearly between two professional alternatives — counseling and mediation — explaining how each works and when each may be preferable.
Key academic technique demonstrated
The paper demonstrates effective use of source synthesis: it does not simply summarize Bernard's and Katz's arguments in isolation but connects them to a single overarching claim — that professional intervention can disrupt the myths that drive couples toward divorce. The structured enumeration of the "marriage myth" and "divorce myth" components illustrates how to present a source's framework concisely and then apply it analytically.
Structure breakdown
The paper opens with an introductory section that presents CDC data and states the thesis. A literature review section covers two main sources: Bernard (1981), used to discuss marriage and divorce myths, and Katz (2006), used to introduce mediation. The conclusion synthesizes the argument, reiterating that counseling or mediation is preferable to acting on divorce myths — especially when children are present. The Works Cited section follows MLA-adjacent formatting consistent with the in-text citation style used throughout.
Introduction: Marriage and Divorce in the United States
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), in 2009 in the United States there were approximately 1,077,000 marriages — that is, 6.8 people per 1,000 citizens got married. On the other hand, 3.4 persons per 1,000 were divorced. That figure includes data from the U.S. Census, and 44 of the 50 states were included in the data. Using data from an earlier Census, the CDC reports that in 2002, the "probability of a first marriage ending in separation or divorce" within five years after the couple was married is 20% (CDC). The probability of a "premarital cohabitation" — that is, people living together but not joining in matrimony — ending in separation within five years is 49%. After ten years, the probability "of a first marriage ending is 33%, compared with 62% for cohabitations" (CDC).
These statistics, especially the high percentage of people who get divorced, are troubling. The divorce rate could be reduced with good planning and counseling. This paper presents the thesis that married couples should seek counseling before they decide on — or file for — divorce.
Marriage and Divorce Myths
Janine M. Bernard writes in the peer-reviewed Personnel and Guidance Journal that one of the problems that can lead a couple to divorce is buying into the "marriage myth" (Bernard, 1981, p. 67). The marriage myth "promises life happily ever after," Bernard explains, and the flaw in that premise stems from the belief that the "institution of marriage itself has inordinate powers to make people happy" — notwithstanding the emotional or mental health of the couple involved, or the maturity they bring to the relationship.
Bernard identifies eight assumptions that are part of the marriage myth and that lead romantic couples to believe they can succeed based on false preliminary ideas. Bernard asserts that these assumptions lead to marriage failure: (a) if we love each other, things will work out; (b) marriage means considering the other person "first"; (c) do not criticize — hold your thoughts to yourself; (d) when things go bad, ignore them and focus "on the future"; (e) picture yourself as defined by the couple you are part of, and only secondarily as an individual; (f) "what's mine is yours"; (g) people become "significantly happier" when they marry; and (h) what is best for the children is "best for us" (Bernard, 67).
Bernard's "divorce myth" is also relevant here, in that it brings up justifications and rationalizations in the same context as the marriage myths. In a situation leaning toward divorce, these myths are too often embraced: (a) since we are not in love anymore, nothing can work out — the couple did nothing to "enhance communication"; (b) "always consider oneself first" in divorce proceedings; (c) focus "on the negative" and "criticize everything"; (d) the legal system and the courts are there to divide up the spoils (Bernard, 69).
The Role of Counseling Before and During Marriage
If a couple met with a competent marriage counselor prior to tying the knot, that counselor could — and should — point out the flaws in the rationalizations listed above. The chances are, however, that most couples buy into the myth that "if we love each other" nothing bad can happen, which is patently absurd. The point is clear: couples should not be drawn into marriage myths, but instead should approach matrimony realistically with the help of professional counseling, or at least with the advice and counsel of a trusted pastor, priest, rabbi, or other religious leader. And if they find their relationship in trouble, they should not buy into divorce myths; rather, they should schedule an appointment with a competent professional marriage counselor. Listening to friends, to family, or to one's own heart alone is not enough when the potential breakup of a marriage looms as a possibility.
Conclusion
Once a couple has entered into mediation, they have helped themselves and their relationship by "reducing the risk of harmful and potentially long-standing escalations" of their most troubling relationship problems. For many couples, a counselor with proven experience and skills might be a better path than mediation. Believing the divorce myths discussed in this paper is absurd; by contrast, trusting one another enough to enter into a counseling or mediation program is smart and workable. And when there are children in the family, getting professional help of one kind or another is imperative.
Works Cited
Bernard, Janine M. (1981). The Divorce Myth. Personnel and Guidance Journal, 60(2), 67–72.
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2002). New Report Sheds Light on Trends and Patterns in Marriage, Divorce, and Cohabitation. Retrieved November 22, 2011, from http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/pressroom/02news/div_mar_cohab.htm.
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2010). Marriage and Divorce. Retrieved November 22, 2011, from http://www.cdc.gov/fastats/divorce.htm.
Katz, Elana. (2006). A Family Therapy Perspective on Mediation. Family Process, 46(1), 93–107.
Create your account
Always verify citation format against your institution’s current style guide requirements.