Disability, Love, and Frustration in Two Family Stories

Introduction: Two Portraits of Developmental Disability

Terry Tempest Williams' autobiographical story The Village Watchman and Lasse Hallström's film What's Eating Gilbert Grape both depict families that include someone with a developmental disability. In Williams' story, it is the author's uncle, Alan, who is described as "special" because his "brain was denied oxygen" during a "breech" birth. In Hallström's film, it is Gilbert Grape's brother Arnie, played by Leonardo DiCaprio, whose developmental disability is never specified. However, as with Alan in Williams' story, Arnie Grape's mental handicap is also accompanied by physical frailty — as Arnie says repeatedly in the film, "I could go at any time."

In both of these works, we can observe the effects that a developmentally disabled person can have upon his family environment. Gilbert Grape is effectively forced to parent his little brother because his father is absent, and that absence has caused his mother to become morbidly obese. Williams' story about Alan is similarly filled with expressions of family concern — not about Alan's "different" or "special" identity, but more urgently about his health. Alan's disability is accompanied by seizures, which necessitate his wearing a football helmet for protection. Williams describes the scars on Alan's head as a "line-by-line history of seizures."

If we try to imagine the effects of a serious illness upon a family environment — independent of developmental disability — we can begin to appreciate the immense strain that a long-term illness places on those who love the person affected. In the case of both Arnie Grape and Alan Romney Dixon, that strain is compounded by developmental disability. In the fictional Grape family, we see the effects of such strain placed squarely on Gilbert. The film's title functions as a pun: it prompts us to think about the obese mother (who finds time for much "eating") while also signaling that it is the difficulty of the family environment itself that is "eating" Gilbert.

Physical Illness, Family Strain, and the Caregiver Role

In the real family of Terry Tempest Williams, the caregiver function for Alan has necessarily been placed in the hands of the state, which maintains the sorrowful "dormitory" where Alan must live. The example of Gilbert Grape having to care for his brother Arnie makes plain why Alan's family requires such outside assistance.

Love and Frustration in Both Stories

Both the story of Arnie Grape and the story of Alan Romney Dixon reveal much about the role played by love in a family environment, and about love's power to help those dealing with developmental disability. However, it is important to be honest about both situations — no human being is capable of perfect love, and we must acknowledge the role played by frustration. In both stories, the additional problem of physical illness intensifies this dynamic. Anyone who has experienced even a minor illness — a cold, a headache, the flu — understands how easily it can interfere with immediate plans in a frustrating way. We must therefore imagine how a much more serious, long-term illness — one where the family member "could go at any time" — can affect the lives of everyone around them.

The true story of Alan Romney Dixon demonstrates that someone with a developmental disability and attendant physical illness can indeed go at any time. Alan dies very young, as a result of complications from an ear infection — an illness that in most people does not prove fatal. But developmental disability brings its own frustrations beyond physical illness. In What's Eating Gilbert Grape, frustration is the subject of the film's most moving and difficult scene. Gilbert has told Arnie not to touch his birthday cake before his actual birthday; Arnie, although a teenager, behaves like a small child who cannot resist. When Gilbert discovers that Arnie has disobeyed him, he hits him. The context of the film makes Gilbert's love for Arnie undeniable — but in this moment, frustration gets the better of him.

Conclusion: Acknowledging Frustration to Sustain Love

It seems clear that frustration can ultimately overcome love, as it does with Gilbert Grape. But why does this happen? The reasons are varied. Caring for a developmentally disabled loved one is simply a form of chronic stress, and that stress can wear a person down emotionally. It is also difficult to care for someone who is different in many ways — if we consider Alan in the Williams story, who is in constant physical danger, a full-time caregiver would be in a state of perpetual worry. Someone who can "go at any time" is someone who needs to be watched all the time, and this is exhausting.