Family Communication: Building Stronger Relationships

Introduction: The Importance of Family Communication

Communication plays an important role in all relationships, and individuals gain the ability to observe its effectiveness from a young age within the family. Many families have developed identities that are transferred from generation to generation and have actively worked to improve their communication channels. Communication within the family can be efficient for many reasons, some of the most important being that it teaches children about socialization and helps establish intimate relationships.

To comprehend the degree to which communication improves a relationship, it is useful to observe situations in which it is very poor or lacking altogether. Throughout society, individuals complain about poor communication between themselves and other people or groups. Parents often emphasize that their communication with their children is inadequate and cite it as a reason their children might adopt deviant attitudes. In turn, children highlight that their parents are not willing to listen to them and instead attempt to impose their thinking on them.

Communication between parents is among the most significant forms of communication in the family. This form of communication can shape the family as a whole, stabilize the marital relationship, and enable children to solve problems more effectively. By considering the Shannon-Weaver model of communication, one can gain a more complex understanding of the importance of communication within the family and identify strategies individuals can employ to improve how they communicate with other family members. Although this model was developed around 1948, it remains applicable to contemporary situations, especially given the many adaptations it has undergone in recent decades.

Non-Verbal Communication and Its Impact

Many individuals today underestimate the significance of non-verbal communication and believe they should focus solely on verbal communication when connecting with others. However, there is far more to non-verbal communication than some might realize:

Considering that approximately 93% of communication is non-verbal, society as a whole needs to acknowledge the significance of non-verbal communication and use it more effectively. Oftentimes, when someone speaks, listeners are influenced more by facial expression than by the actual words being said. Sarcasm is one major reason why non-verbal communication is, in some cases, more important than verbal communication. Individuals can say something they do not actually mean, intending to express different ideas instead. For listeners to comprehend the ideas being communicated, they must develop a complex understanding of the conversation. By comparing phone conversations with real-life conversations, one recognizes that phones can limit a person's ability to express themselves exactly as intended.

One main reason people struggle to understand non-verbal communication is that they received little to no formal training in doing so. As scholars have noted, "Unlike other communication skills, the techniques of non-verbal communication are not very well understood; they are not yet taught formally, and are entirely omitted from the school curriculum." Families serve as a training ground where people can observe how non-verbal communication works and how to use it effectively. When children are penalized for openly expressing their emotions, they are likely to grow up with little interest in non-verbal communication. Families thus play an essential role in determining how individuals develop and how they communicate with others.

In some situations, people adapt to their home environments and develop a tendency to misinterpret messages in other settings. For example, someone might interpret a particular non-verbal gesture in one way because of how it is used at home, then misunderstand the same gesture in a different context. When the family environment is low in expressiveness, individuals must become sensitive to the most subtle displays of emotion to relate effectively with their family members.

Children as Important Communicators

In many families, parents project their thinking onto their children without acknowledging the messages their children convey. The fact that individuals adapt to their family's "language system" can sometimes be less effective in improving communication within the family. By examining other families and the mechanisms that made change possible, one can gain insight into family dynamics. However, the same people might experience difficulty understanding how their own family works or what tools they can use to improve it.

Contemporary society offers numerous ideas about how people should behave in families and attempts to provide attitudes needed to improve relationships with family members. The film "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" contains several ideas related to family communication. The character Willy Wonka had a negative experience with his family due to a strict father, and as a consequence, he expresses lack of support for families in general and attempts to influence others to share his point of view. In contrast, Charlie's description of having a warm family interested in helping others surprises Wonka. This illustrates an important principle: "Families vary, not just individually, but structurally and culturally." This recognition makes it possible to acknowledge that all family relationships need to be treated differently and regarded from different perspectives. Even when two children live in the same family throughout childhood, they may have different experiences within the family and may develop different communication styles.

One of the most important elements in families is their developmental character. This concept is present in every family and is responsible for shaping each individual's character and behavior. Families are in a state of constant evolution, with all families today being very different from how they were a decade ago. By recognizing this, individuals can find ways to affect how their family experiences change. "Families use communication to create conditions for the development of many capacities on multiple levels (individuals, rational, group)."

Developmental Character in Families

For communication to be efficient, it does not necessarily have to be positive and cheerful; rather, it must occur via channels that are effective and make individuals within the family feel that their participation influences the family in general. Several character traits can help individuals improve communication in their family, including honesty, appreciation of beauty, and a strong emphasis on learning. However, the idea of a positive conversation largely depends on how each individual perceives it, and negotiation can occur frequently as each family member attempts to express their point of view.

In many cases, people believe that an intact family is unlikely to experience communication problems or display abnormalities regarding this topic. However, "far from being a homogenous group exhibiting similar behaviors that lead to only positive outcomes for families, individual family members, and society at large, intact families exhibit a wide range of communication behaviors that are associated with both positive and negative outcomes for families and their members."

Intact Families and Communication Patterns

As previously noted, one cannot take a communication pattern that works in one family and apply it to other families expecting similar results. Different families can have different experiences when adopting the same communication rules. Nevertheless, a wide range of ideas can help individuals improve how they communicate with each other. Family communication patterns emerge as family members work together to create stable and predictable channels of interaction. These patterns are created through interaction and the sharing of personal social reality among family members.

Communication is one of the most important concepts in a family because it gives individuals the ability to express their needs and concerns to other group members. "Open and honest communication creates an atmosphere that allows family members to express their differences as well as love and admiration for one another." One of the first things someone needs to consider when devising more efficient communication channels in their family is the series of inevitable problems that every family faces. By acknowledging that problems exist and affect family life, family members can be more likely to overcome these problems and work together to improve their relationships.

Successful Family Functioning

Poor communication has numerous negative effects on families. "Just as effective communication is almost always found in strong, healthy families, poor communication is usually found in unhealthy family relationships." Because poor communication is not clear or direct enough, it makes it difficult for family members to understand each other properly. Over time, people can develop very unrealistic impressions of other family members simply because they do not communicate enough. Children in families experiencing poor communication are more likely to experience behavioral problems, and conflict can become more common. Problem-solving processes become ineffective when family members cannot understand each other's points of view. Good communication is also a sign of longer-lasting relationships, as research has shown that "the more positively couples rated their communication, the more satisfied they were with their relationship five and a half years later."

Instrumental communication is the type that enables family members to focus on typical family functions. For example, a parent might instruct a child about tasks to perform during a house cleaning process. In contrast, affective communication involves the emotions that each family member experiences. Individuals share their emotions—whether positive or negative—and other family members are expected to sympathize and provide assistance in overcoming problems.

Instrumental and Affective Communication

In some families, either instrumental or affective communication may be more successful than the other. For a family to be healthy, both types must be efficient, allowing members to connect with each other without confusion. When considering instrumental communication, individuals play an active role in improving the family environment by providing each other with the guidance needed to succeed. When all family members are well-coordinated and aware of their roles, the family as a whole is more likely to have positive experiences. Furthermore, when family members can express their emotions openly, they are more likely to have a complex understanding of each other and can identify strategies for providing assistance. Communication thus enables them to understand other family members and know what strategies to use when these members need support.

Communication is, to a certain degree, interdependent with friendship. For relationships to remain strong, individuals in a family must concentrate on becoming better friends. By doing this, they learn more about their family and about techniques they can use to improve conditions for particular family members.

Friendship and Conflict Management

Experts have devised several steps that individuals should consider to improve their relationships through communication. The first step is to build "love maps"—partners should think about the psychological world of their peers and about ideas that trigger particular emotions in them. Appreciation and respect can make the difference between a happy couple and one experiencing trouble. Additionally, people should be willing to express themselves openly rather than hiding their emotions in hopes of protecting the relationship.

Many individuals believe that conflict should be avoided at all costs in a relationship, making them reluctant to express themselves. However, conflict can also assist individuals in improving their relationship. As communication experts explain, "We say 'manage' conflict rather than 'resolve' conflict, because relationship conflict is natural and has functional, positive aspects." Understanding this distinction allows families to approach disagreements as opportunities for growth rather than threats to stability.

Conclusion

All things considered, communication is one of the most important elements in a family. Although the way a person communicates with other family members depends on that individual's perspective and on how they came to understand communication, it is essential for individuals to comprehend the significance that improving their family relationships has on their overall wellbeing. For a family to be healthy, its members need to both accept each other's perspectives and be willing to express themselves whenever they feel it is important to do so.