Courtship, Arranged Marriage, and Immigrant Cultural Lessons

Introduction: Immigrants as Cultural Teachers

The primary theme of The Immigrant Advantage by Claudia Kolker is that immigrants to America bring something with them in their cultures and communities that Americans can learn from. They have certain traits or habits that Americans could benefit from adopting if they stopped long enough to observe their immigrant neighbors. Kolker highlights these positive traits and shows how they work for immigrant communities. She structures each chapter around a specific lesson drawn from a particular immigrant group's cultural experience. The first chapter addresses how to save money, using Vietnamese immigrants as the case study. The second chapter focuses on how to care for one's parents and examines Hispanic-American culture for this lesson. The third chapter looks at the courting rituals of South Asian immigrants and argues that Americans could learn something valuable about courtship from this group. The fourth chapter explores how to support learning and draws on stories of Korean and Chinese afterschool programs in the United States.

In short, each chapter analyzes something positive that a specific ethnic immigrant group brings to America and what Americans could learn from them. This review focuses on lessons from several of these chapters to show how immigrants can teach Americans something important about community, family, and partnership.

Vietnamese Savings Customs and Community Accountability

The first chapter describes the Vietnamese custom of paying dues to a savings club, in which peer pressure ensures that members contribute each month. Kolker explains that this custom is not unique to the Vietnamese but that it helps participants achieve the goal of consistent monthly saving. A hat is passed around the room and everyone is expected to pay in cash; that pooled cash is then given to a different member each month. As everyone contributes, everyone eventually receives a lump-sum payment. The use of peer pressure — everyone watches and everyone knows who has not paid in — keeps the process running smoothly. This custom gives Vietnamese communities a practical tool for financial success because it harnesses the power of community accountability to ensure that every member participates.

South Asian Courtship and Arranged Marriage

The courtship customs of South Asian immigrants offer another important lesson. As Kolker points out, Americans could learn a great deal from this population because South Asians tend not to hold overly romantic notions about love arriving as a thunderbolt. They approach life-long partnerships with practicality and maturity rather than relying on feelings and emotions, which are often fleeting. Kolker states that "in the South Asian view, shared background — shorthand for religion, caste, income, and aspirations — makes up the basic equipment any couple needs for a chance at happiness" (85). For a courtship to proceed, the couple is matched according to these characteristics of shared background, with logic and reason facilitating the arrangement rather than the "chemistry" that Americans associate with two people feeling an instant romantic spark.

The South Asian approach to arranged marriage helps this group succeed in courtship because it matches people based on how well they are likely to get along given their shared background, beliefs, and social class. It is a straightforward process, and one that could help Americans move beyond the romantic ideal of marriage as the culmination of a spontaneous spark of chemistry.

Works Cited

Kolker, Claudia. The Immigrant Advantage. Free Press, 2011.