Motherhood, Patriarchy, and Identity in We Need to Talk About Kevin

Introduction: Feminist Frameworks and the Novel

Lionel Shriver's We Need to Talk About Kevin is a poignant work of fiction that fiercely parallels feminist scholarship. In particular, the themes explored in the novel bolster the arguments Adrienne Rich makes in her classic Of Woman Born. That work details the ways patriarchal societies systematically oppress women. Motherhood, which could potentially be a source of personal joy and fulfillment, has instead become a means by which to conscript women into unpaid domestic servitude. Molly Ladd-Taylor points out the subtly subversive ways by which motherhood has become politically empowering in Mother-Work: Women, Child Welfare, and the State, 1890–1930. Yet political empowerment is far from Eva Khatchadourian's reality as she contemplates what went wrong with Kevin. The burdensome expectations placed on women to be perfect wives and mothers present serious sociological and psychological problems that are explored in great depth in We Need to Talk About Kevin.

Eva's Sacrifice and the Burden of Domestic Expectation

Eva admits she sacrificed a wonderful life — first to be with Franklin and then to raise their child Kevin. In the November 8, 2000, entry that opens We Need to Talk About Kevin, the narrator notes, "In the early days…my tales were exotic imports, from Lisbon, from Katmandu. But no one wants to hear stories from abroad, really" (Shriver 1). The sarcasm and cynicism drip from the narrator's voice. Eva could also tell that her husband cared little for whatever life she had led outside of the home, as if she had been a non-entity before their marriage. When Eva states, "I could detect from your telltale politeness that you privately preferred anecdotal trinkets from closer to home," she also suggests that Franklin probably should have been the one to assume most of the homemaking duties, given his predilection for being a homebody and hers for international adventure (Shriver 1). Eva notes to Franklin that "your view that all my foreign travel was a kind of cheating" drives that point home further (Shriver 1).

Eva fakes self-importance as "the busy professional woman who must make quick work of domestic chores" (Shriver 3). Here, Eva limply ridicules the expectations placed on career women: that they must always work two jobs and put in unpaid overtime at home. Once a proud head of her own company, Eva has become "exhausted with shame" (Shriver 4). She sacrificed her source of creative energy, believing that to continue her career would mean diverting attention from her son. Yet it was precisely Eva's willingness to conform to patriarchal gender roles that defines the dysfunctional and destructive behaviors characterizing the novel. It is unclear whether Eva played a role in nurturing Kevin's latent psychopathic tendencies or whether he would have acted out regardless. What is clear is that Eva did not find fulfillment in motherhood as she believed she would — or was expected to — leaving her with a profound sense of inadequacy.

Eva has never quite come to terms with the fact that, as Rich points out, motherhood should never define a woman entirely. Motherhood is but one facet of an otherwise rich and fulfilling life.

Intergenerational Gender Norms and Self-Punishment

It soon becomes clear that Eva's views and attitudes toward motherhood are rooted in her own background and her relationship with her mother. Gender roles and norms are passed from one generation to the next. One of Eva's early letters refers to "the stump of the lock shaft teases me with imitations of my mother: unable to leave the house" (Shriver 4). Eva was painfully aware of the ways that motherhood and wifedom impede a woman's ability to be independent and pursue a life outside the drudgery of domestic duty.

Eva currently practices self-inflicted punishment. Although she claims it is to remain close to Kevin, she lives in an environment easily perceived as hostile. The suburban sneers she encounters at local grocery stores and the dread she feels when she runs out of eggs confirm that Eva may want to punish herself for being a "bad mother." Moreover, the suburban environment — hostile rather than sympathetic toward Eva — reflects the overarching social norm of motherhood. The outside world perceives Eva as a failure, blaming her for her son's behavior. Yet Eva may have had nothing to do with Kevin's psychological problems. It was Kevin who seemingly rejected her love in overt ways, such as refusing her breast milk — a quintessential symbol of maternity.

Eva rents an apartment she herself cannot stand, even though she admits she has a choice in the matter. The apartment reminds her of a dollhouse: "I might have found more palatial accommodation, if that's what I wanted. I like it here, in a way. It's unserious, toy. I live in a dollhouse." This overt reference to Ibsen's A Doll's House confirms that wives and mothers are often reduced to a childlike status within a make-believe world constructed by patriarchy.

A recent lawsuit reflects the themes of motherhood explored in Rich's Of Woman Born: an attorney father and his sons sued the mother for "damages allegedly caused when she failed to buy toys for one and sent another a birthday card he didn't like" (Schmadeke). The case is a caricature of the symptoms of patriarchal oppression and the unrealistic expectations placed on mothers to be all things to all people.

Conclusion: The Perils of Patriarchal Motherhood

We Need to Talk About Kevin therefore highlights key feminist theories of motherhood. Motherhood has become the province of patriarchy, as Adrienne Rich points out in Of Woman Born. Midwives — roles traditionally fulfilled by women — have been steadily replaced by physicians, a profession historically dominated by men. When men are in control of women's bodies, they symbolically rob women of their autonomy and selfhood. Motherhood ceases to be the fulfilling spiritual experience it might once have been in matriarchal societies, as Rich suggests. Instead, motherhood becomes a curse and a burden, as Eva's experience so vividly demonstrates.

Eva subconsciously knows that she cannot possibly derive personal fulfillment from motherhood and might have been far better off living a child-free existence. It is even possible that she and Franklin might have enjoyed a lasting relationship had they not had children. But because women are expected to bear children as their duty to patriarchal society, Eva conformed. She ceased her creative and entrepreneurial endeavors. She sacrificed her sanity and her dignity in order to conform to the roles prescribed to her gender. Rich and Shriver together spell out the perils and pitfalls of patriarchy by focusing on the way motherhood can be used to constrain women.

Works Cited

Rich, Adrienne. Of Woman Born. W.W. Norton & Company, 1995.

Ladd-Taylor, Molly. Mother-Work: Women, Child Welfare, and the State, 1890–1930. University of Illinois Press, 1994.

Schmadeke, Steve. "'Bad Mothering' Lawsuit Dismissed." Chicago Tribune, 28 Aug. 2011.

Shriver, Lionel. We Need to Talk About Kevin. Harper Collins, 2004.