Parenting Styles in The Color of Water by James McBride

Ruth McBride Jordan: Strength, Resilience, and Devoted Motherhood

Ruth McBride Jordan is the strongest figure in James McBride's memoir, The Color of Water. As the mother of twelve children, Ruth did all she could to ensure that her children grew up to be independent and self-sufficient individuals. Ruth's own family background greatly influenced the methods and attitudes with which she raised her multiracial children. She tried to teach her children the strong work ethic she had learned from her parents, while firmly rejecting the abusive and intolerant environment of her upbringing.

Because of the many hardships she was forced to endure throughout her life, Ruth became a determined, exceptionally strong mother. She was tough yet tender and loving with her children. She tried to look past the issues of race that plagued her family throughout their lives, and as a result she sometimes created a chaotic environment for her many children, who grew up during the Civil Rights movement in America.

Ruth focused on a disciplined yet tolerant approach to parenting. She emphasized the importance of education and sent her children to the finest schools despite the logistical challenges involved. Moreover, Ruth's children were expected to work hard during their summer breaks, reinforcing the self-reliance she valued so deeply. Although Ruth applied the lessons her parents had taught her about hard work, she never resorted to the kind of coercion her father had used to control her. Similarly, despite being a deeply spiritual person, Ruth never forced religion on her children the way her father had forced it on her.

Ruth McBride Jordan instilled in her children a love of family, of God, and of ethical living. Her children respected her, even when they rebelled. Although Ruth was an unconventional, quirky parent, she gave of herself entirely to her children — her whole life was devoted to loving them.

Hunter Jordan: A Reliable and Loving Stepfather

Hunter Jordan was Ruth McBride's second husband and the father of four of her children. From James's perspective, Hunter was not as dominant a figure as his mother, but he was nevertheless a solid, reliable parent. Hunter vowed to take care of Ruth and her eight other children — and he did. He was a good-natured man who held conservative family values and a genuine desire to instill a sense of morality and ethics in his children. However, he left most of the discipline to Ruth, who was by far the dominant parent. Hunter generally supported whatever Ruth believed was the best course of action, displaying a quiet faith in her parenting abilities. While he was not emotionally distant, he did maintain a degree of independence — despite buying his family a house, he lived in the city during the week.

James regarded Hunter as his "daddy," since his biological father had died before James was born. Hunter demonstrated his deep love and respect for James when, on his deathbed, he asked James to take good care of his mother and siblings. This left a lasting impression on the teenage James, who, despite turning to drugs and crime for a time, never stopped loving and respecting his family.

Hunter reacted to stressful situations differently than Ruth did. When Helen ran away from home, for instance, Hunter told her not to bother returning. Ruth, drawing on her own experiences and those of her siblings with running away, told Helen she was welcome back. This difference in approach highlights the complementary dynamic between the two parents.

Hunter demonstrated an enormous amount of tolerance and strength in caring for a family of twelve children, eight of whom were not his own. He eventually adopted Ruth's children with Dennis, an act that spoke to his deep love and devotion. Although he was not as eccentric as Ruth, Hunter Jordan was a devoted, supportive, and loving husband and father.

Conclusion: Contrasting Models of Parenthood

Tateh was not at all concerned with his children's happiness — only with controlling their lives. For example, he arranged dates for Ruth with Jewish men in hopes of orchestrating a Jewish marriage. His characteristic harshness and overbearing expectations caused all of his children to struggle throughout their lives. As a man seemingly incapable of happiness, he drove his entire family away and failed to offer any emotional, mental, or — ironically — spiritual support.

Taken together, the three parental figures in The Color of Water present a study in contrasts. Ruth's resilient, education-centered, and deeply loving approach stands in sharp relief against Tateh's cold authoritarianism. Hunter Jordan occupies a quieter middle ground — steady, supportive, and selfless. McBride's portrait of these parents ultimately argues that love and tolerance, not control or coercion, are what allow children to grow into capable, ethical human beings.