President of the United States
Dear parents, I have the fondest idea of becoming the next President of the USA and the craziest idea that I will succeed.
You see, aside from the fact that I am honored and blessed in having you as my parents and, therefore, have a skein of green blood flowing through me that makes it insupportable that I will not be America's next elected, I also have the dubious honor of possessing psychic powers that enables me to achieve my objectives. Psychic powers enable me to read others minds. They enable me to collapse into thick air, and re-emerge again (after disturbing and shocking others with benevolent or malicious intent depending on my mood). Psychic power has also transported me around the world and, in that guise, I have seen the misery and poverty of the world first hand, whilst also invisibly confabulating with people who suck and gorge off others. And it makes me angry and bitter – Marxist, perhaps, to an extent – and determined to help right the wrong of the earth.