More than these concerns, I think that it will be especially difficult for me to raise the issue of "death planning" with the patient, especially if it is a friend, rather than close family member. There are two reasons for this. First, I will feel that it is only the place of the person closest to the dying person to raise issues like this. I will therefore only feel comfortable when the dying person is a very close family member like a parent or my spouse. This feeling is so strong that I will not even feel comfortable raising the issue with my siblings -- I feel their spouses are the only ones whose right it is to address these issues. Perhaps if the patient him- or herself raises the issue and specifically requests help in this regard, I will be willing to do so, but in general, I feel that this is an issue that I will steer clear of. This, to me, is like any area of life that I feel is very personal and should be shared only among very close family members or loved ones, almost like drawing up a will is a matter for discussion...
Meyer's suggestion to be there and listen rather than imposing and giving advice that is not asked for wanted. It is difficult for me to let people do things or change at their own pace, so I will have to control my urge to control the situation. In fact, this is advice I would add to the already excellent advice that Rev. Meyer gives.
When dealing with dying persons and surviving family members, a person who wishes to be there should let go of any urge to control the process of dying and subsequent grief. The best is to listen and let the persons directly involved in these processes go through them as is most comfortable for them. In this way, the greatest comfort is ensured.
In conclusion, Rev. Meyer's advice is excellent, and there is a large amount of advice that I'll be applying when faced with a dying friend or family member one day.
