However, I would be more careful about choosing the words and the metaphors that you employ to do this, because you have a tendency to use overly dramatic images that do not really fit the story that well. I also noticed that you do not provide a clear introduction that gives the reader a clear indication of the major themes and direction of your essay. You have described the circumstances of your birth in both the present tense and in the past tense, so I would remind you of the importance of selecting one or the other and then sticking to that choice throughout your essay.
The organization of your essay is also somewhat confusing because you seem to shift back and forth between a narrative description of your birth and of your family's history and of the philosophical (and historical) perception of the importance of gender in Chinese society. Your use of the dramatic scene from a movie does illustrate your point nicely as does your explanation of the Chinese family values and beliefs about gender norms and values.
However, your essay seems to lack logical organization because it continually shifts back and forth between narrative descriptions and historical and sociological commentary. In that regard, I would suggest that are two or three specific ways of organizing this essay differently in a manner that would be very helpful to the reader. First, I might have started out by discussing the Chinese beliefs about gender, followed by the example in the movie. Then, I might have shifted to the narrative description of the circumstances of your birth and your life to illustrate the way that those values and norms affected you and your family.
Second, I might have started out with the scene from the movie, followed by an explanation...
Then, (again), I would have demonstrated how those concepts affected your family and your life. Third, I might have started out with your life and family history (as you did), but I would have stayed on that topic and fully explored it before moving on. Next, I would have provided a general explanation of Chinese culture and society to explain the circumstances that you introduced earlier in connection with your own life history. Finally, I might have provided the dramatic illustration by using the example from the movie afterwards. Regardless of which method you choose, I believe the most important thing would be to make sure that you fully discuss each concept before moving to another idea and that you try to avoid going back and forth between them.
I would also suggest that you pay closer attention to your choice or perspective because you begin your essay in third-person and then you shift immediately to first-person, speaking as the narrator. You also shift again to the narrative perspective of your grandfather. Any of those choices would be perfectly appropriate but it is very confusing to the reader when you shift back and forth continually and use all of them together instead of just one for your whole essay.
Finally, I would like to commend you for how well you have obviously learned to speak and write in English as a second language. However, because you are not yet quite fluent in it, I would avoid very long and complex sentences because they are much more difficult to create without mistakes than shorter sentences. Ideally, I would try to limit each sentence to one specific idea instead of trying to squeeze multiple thoughts into single sentences.
