Gender differences in bereavement and support in Steel Magnolias

¶ … bereavement and, indeed, communication during all times, and particularly during difficult times is a skill in itself. Even more interesting still is the fact that men and women have different ways of communicating and that communication and manifestation of bereavement and support differs according to particular variables, one of which may be cultural..

Some of these aspects can be noted from the movie Steel Magnolias in the way that the different characters relate to one another

Gender differences in experiencing bereavement

The difference between the men and the women can be glimpsed by M'Lynn's sharing the news that she is pregnant. She is depressed. Her husband gleefully tells the assemblage. It is the females who tactfully support M'Lynn . They listen to her whilst Ouiser, who has concerns of her own, sets them aside to listen to M'Lynn's worries. In fact, Ouiser tactfully advises the other women to observe that "This pregnancy is not exactly great news."

Other differences are seen in the way that the women share physical intimacy with hugs, shampooing each others' hair in the beauty saloon, and hand-holding. The males usually abdicate emotional or support -- needing moments to the women. This, according to my experience, seems common in Western culture too. This is most clearly seen in Shelby's final hours of life, where M'Lynn recollects: "Drum left. He couldn't take it. Jackson left. I find it amusing. Men are supposed to be made out of steel or something, but I just sat there. I just held Shelby's hand."

Skills for providing support

It seems to me that the optimum skills are best displayed by the funeral where the participants cry, touch, hand-hold, and follow M'Lynn as she paces through the cemetery. They listen silently to her feelings of anguish, not passing judgment. In fact, the one person who breaks theis pattern - Annelle who says "We should all be rejoicing," is reprimanded by m'Lyn and quickly apologizes.

How I would provide social support / how I would want people to deal with me.

I love the example demonstrated in the funeral where the participants cry, touch, hand-hold, and follow M'Lynn as she paces through the cemetery. I would love to have friends such as these who show care and empathy for my problem in such a genuine, heartfelt way. This, it seems to me, is true caring and support. It seems to me, however, that if I would want people to be this way with me, I would need to, in turn, be that way with others. Bereavement varies according to culture. The description of the events following M'Lyn's funeral where after allowing time for grieving, Claree uses humor to break the tension and the friends join together in the laughter that marks their friendship, reminds me of the Jewish custom of Shivah -- or bereavement support following death where friends / acquaintances / visitors come to the mourners' home and simply sit there waiting for them to talk. According to Jewish law, the mourner has to be the first to speak, frivolous conversation is disallowed, and all communication takes the lead of and direction of that which the mourner wishes to talk about. In this way, visitors are with the mourner and allow the mourner to express his emotions. This occurs for 7 days, after which the mourners incrementally return to their regular routine.