Bereavement And, Indeed, Communication During

¶ … bereavement and, indeed, communication during all times, and particularly during difficult times is a skill in itself. Even more interesting still is the fact that men and women have different ways of communicating and that communication and manifestation of bereavement and support differs according to particular variables, one of which may be cultural..

Some of these aspects can be noted from the movie Steel Magnolias in the way that the different characters relate to one another

Gender differences in experiencing bereavement

The difference between the men and the women can be glimpsed by M'Lynn's sharing the news that she is pregnant. She is depressed. Her husband gleefully tells the assemblage. It is the females who tactfully support M'Lynn . They listen to her whilst Ouiser, who has concerns of her own, sets them aside to listen to M'Lynn's worries. In fact, Ouiser tactfully advises the other women to observe that "This pregnancy is not exactly great news."

Other differences are seen in the way that the women share physical intimacy with hugs, shampooing each others' hair in the beauty saloon, and hand-holding. The males usually abdicate emotional or support -- needing moments to the women. This, according to my experience, seems common in Western culture too. This is most clearly seen in Shelby's final hours of life, where M'Lynn recollects: "Drum left. He couldn't take it. Jackson left. I find it amusing. Men are supposed to be made out of steel or something, but I just sat there. I just held Shelby's hand."

2. Cognitive complexity in mourning and in providing support

It is interesting to note that even though the women provide comments to M'Lyn -- in her depressing pregnancy situation -that counter the prescriptive for helpful support comments, M'Lynn actually finds them helpful. This may be due to their culture.

The women, slipping into support mode, proffer comments such as "I really wish we had some words of wisdom, but I don't, so why don't we just focus on the joy of the situation." (Truvy), whilst others offer positive comments such as "It will be fine" and "Absolutely." Claree says, "You know what they say: That which does not kill us makes us stronger." And the group then engages in a team "hand pile." recommends that effective support involves 'I' messages, empathetic listening, being with the other, and simply displaying nonverbal immediacy by simply being there with the person. Oftentimes, trying to snap the person out of the difficultly can aggravate matters and make the person feel misunderstood.

On the other hand, people do experience distress differently and prefer different kinds of support, so Chapter 14 prescribes that we take differences such as cultural and individual too into perspective when proffering support. It may have been that M'Lyn was assisted far more by this support than by another.

Skills for providing support

It seems to me that the optimum skills are best displayed by the funeral where the participants cry, touch, hand-hold, and follow M'Lynn as she paces through the cemetery. They listen silently to her feelings of anguish, not passing judgment. In fact, the one person who breaks theis pattern - Annelle who says "We should all be rejoicing," is reprimanded by m'Lyn and quickly apologizes.

How I would provide social support / how I would want people to deal with me.