Oftentimes, trying to snap the person out of the difficultly can aggravate matters and make the person feel misunderstood. On the other hand, people do experience distress differently and prefer different kinds of support, so Chapter 14 prescribes that we take differences such as cultural and individual too into perspective when proffering support. It may have been that M'Lyn was assisted far more by this support than by another.

Skills for providing support

It seems to me that the optimum skills are best displayed by the funeral where the participants cry, touch, hand-hold, and follow M'Lynn as she paces through the cemetery. They listen silently to her feelings of anguish, not passing judgment. In fact, the one person who breaks theis pattern - Annelle who says "We should all be rejoicing," is reprimanded by m'Lyn and quickly apologizes.

How I would provide social support / how I would want people to deal with me.

I love the example demonstrated in the funeral where the participants cry, touch, hand-hold, and follow M'Lynn as she paces through the cemetery....

I would love to have friends such as these who show care and empathy for my problem in such a genuine, heartfelt way. This, it seems to me, is true caring and support. It seems to me, however, that if I would want people to be this way with me, I would need to, in turn, be that way with others. Bereavement varies according to culture. The description of the events following M'Lyn's funeral where after allowing time for grieving, Claree uses humor to break the tension and the friends join together in the laughter that marks their friendship, reminds me of the Jewish custom of Shivah -- or bereavement support following death where friends / acquaintances / visitors come to the mourners' home and simply sit there waiting for them to talk. According to Jewish law, the mourner has to be the first to speak, frivolous conversation is disallowed, and all communication takes the lead of and direction of that which the mourner wishes to talk about. In this way, visitors are with the mourner and allow the mourner to express his emotions. This occurs for 7 days, after which the mourners incrementally return to their regular routine.