Cheating Both Men and Women, Consciously or

Cheating Both men and women, consciously or subconsciously, dream of connecting with a soul mate. Or, in other words, the archetypical dream is of an intimate relationship where each partner feels complete in the presence of the other. In fact, it could even be argued that it is this hope that leads to the expectation of mental and sexual fidelity from one's partner. Viewed from this perspective, I agree with Stephen O.

Watters's contention that cybersex can be just as damaging to a relationship as a live affair because it runs the risk of diverting one partner's mental and sexual attention away from his or her mate, resulting in unfulfilled needs and discontent. While it is true that sexual excitement and desire soon fade from a long standing relationship, the fact remains, that sexual fidelity is important in protecting an existing relationship.

This is because there is ground to believe that casual sexual encounters can escalate, leading to emotional intimacy with another person or a continued desire for varied sexual excitement. Either which way, it can end up diverting one partner's sexual and mental focus away from the other, thereby causing a distance in the relationship and needs going unfulfilled. Indeed, this is the nub of Watters's argument, which he supports through the opinion of psychologists and relationship experts. For example, he quotes Dr.

Shirley Glass, a Baltimore-based psychologist: "[Online relationships] can threaten marriages, even if there is no sex involved ... Such online liaisons involve the three elements of an emotional affair: secrecy, intimacy, and sexual chemistry." (p. 206) It is often said that men are from Mars, while women are from Venus. This popular adage is usually used to connote that men and women seek very different need fulfillments from relationships. Indeed, Watters addresses this point when he quotes psychologist Dr. James Dobson's point that "women often give sex to get intimacy ..

And men give intimacy to get sex." (p. 205) Watters, of course, uses this tack to point out the risks run by women who get addicted to online relationships under the illusion that they have found a soul mate outside of their marriage. Whereas their online partner may just be looking for free, no-strings attached sex.

He even uses the story of Debbie, a 36-year-old attorney from Los Angeles, to illustrate how an online relationship can lead to a woman fantasizing about her online husband and thereby growing less and less attracted to her real spouse. The implication here is that such a state of affairs will then naturally lead to endangering the current relationship, as a woman's husband is only too likely to sense her growing disinterest and disenchantment.

Thus, Watters builds an effective argument that cybersex is tantamount to cheating as it runs the risk of leaving a spouse's needs going unfulfilled. However, there is one flaw or deficiency in Watters argument, which is that it appears to be entirely skewed to the female point-of-view. This bias is apparent in the anecdotal evidence he provides of several women who discovered the inherent dangers of looking for a soul mate online. True, he does address the fact.