Dementia What Happens to a Family When

Dementia

What happens to a family when one member -- the husband -- slides into the terrible and mysterious illness called frontotemporal dementia? How does his wife deal with his disease? An article in The New York Times delves deeply into the life of a New York engineer named Michael French, who began acting in bizarre, unexplainable ways in his 50s, and now, at 71, can no longer speak, write, read or walk. This paper reviews that article and reports on recommended caregiving strategies for patients with dementia.

A Rare Form of Dementia Tests a Vow of "For Better, for Worse"

Michael French began acting a little weird when he was in his 50s, about ten years before he was diagnosed with the rare form of dementia noted in the introduction, according to his wife Ruth. This was totally out of character because Michael had run marathons, lectured at conventions, did volunteer work, and he had joined a book club focusing on history subjects. But when he began changing jobs a lot, Ruth just figured he was going through a phase because he had a "stubborn personality," not that anything was particularly wrong with him (Grady, 2012). Bosses that Michael worked for were frustrated with his behaviors, and after being fired from several jobs, Michael retired at the age of 66.

No one knew what was wrong with Michael. His wife was so upset with his bizarre behaviors, she thought about divorcing him -- and she actually struck him "a couple times out of frustration" -- Ruth admitted (Grady, p. 3). But she took deep breaths, buckled down and made up her mind she would go through this with him whatever it turned out to be. When the correct diagnosis was provided to the French family, Ruth apologized to him "…for every perceived wrong or misunderstanding" and she cried; "I can't tell you how much I cried…" (Grady, p. 1).

Caregiving for patients with dementia requires a great deal of patience and understanding, according to the Times' story. They are "…hard to care for at home," especially frontotemporal dementia patients that are "…young, strong, and aggressive" because they can become violent (Grady, p. 6). One professor of psychotherapy and mental health counseling quit her position "…at the height of her career to take care of her partner" but after a few years the stress and chaos her husband cause got to be so intense, she became suicidal, Grady explains on page 7. The professor asserted that "…being the caregiver in this disease is a grieving process while the person is still alive" (Grady, p. 7).

Meantime, according to the Family Caregiver Alliance (FCA), there are potentially helpful, workable ways to communicate with a person struggling with dementia. From the FCA's National Center on Caregiving the group offers ten tips, including number one, "Set a positive mood for interaction," which means knowing that body language and the tone of voice expresses your feelings "…stronger than your words" (FCA, p. 1). Secondly, communicating with a dementia patient means turning off all distracting media and addressing the person by name, "clearly identifying yourself by name and relation" and using non-verbal cues and touch to keep the person focused.