Bullying's impact on a mother and daughter's life

BULLYING - a TRUE STORY FROM THE MOTHER'S POINT-OF-VIEW

Bullying is not a laughing matter. Many teenagers take their own lives yearly because of bullying. If bullying does not stop with the teacher, then the matter should be taken to the principal. If necessary, the problem should be taken to the superintendent or school board.

BULLYING - A TRUE STORY FROM THE MOTHER'S POINT-OF-VIEW

Several girls surrounded Jeannie's daughter as they called out, "You're a little cry baby! Don't you know you are stupid! Don't even think about hanging out with us. You're too ugly for us."

Hearing these words made Jeannie angry as she watched her daughter, Faith, run to the car. Tears freely flowing down her cheeks, she urged, "Hurry, Mom, let's get out of here. I can't take it anymore!"

The National School Safety Center calls bullying, "the most enduring and underrated problem in American schools." Discussing bullying is important because it may have a lifetime effect on victims.

As a young person I have seen the effects of victims including this story of Jeannie and Faith.

The look in Faith's eyes revealed the pain and hurt she was suffering. What had Faith done to be mistreated? Why were these kids calling her names? Jeannie could clearly remember being teased at school, but never like this. Anger began to build as the mother thought about what these students were doing to her daughter. Bullying is not a laughing matter!

Bullying is not a laughing matter, definition, and the steps that were taken to prevent bullying.

Bullying hurt Faith and angered Jeannie. Both parents and children can be hurt emotionally from bullying.

The steps that Jeannie took at Faith's school to stop bullying.

Faith's suicide attempt.

Counseling was needed to heal the emotional wounds of Jeannie and Faith.

BULLYING -- A TRUE STORY FROM THE MOTHER'S Point-of-View

Several girls surrounded my daughter as they called out, "You're a little cry baby! Don't you know you're stupid? Don't even think about hanging out with us. You're too ugly for us."

Hearing these words made me angry as I watched my daughter run to the car. Tears freely flowing down her cheeks, she urged, "Hurry, Mom, let's get out of here. I can't take it any more!"

The look in Faith's eyes revealed the pain and hurt she was suffering. Why? I asked myself. What had my daughter done to be called names? I can remember the taunts and teases of my childhood, but it is different when your child becomes the victim. It hurt me to see her bullied. And it made me angry. I wanted to stop the taunting immediately.

On the way home from school, I discussed Faith's problem with her. We discussed how important her reactions were. If she cried, whined, or ran away, it would only give more fuel for the fire. I said, "If you give them the satisfaction of seeing you upset, many of them will think it is fun to get you angry. Don't give them that satisfaction. Walk away if you have to."

We practiced some role-playing where I was the bully and she the victim. I mentioned the importance of humor in facing the situation. If she could think up funny or clever replies in advance, it could help her out of an awkward situation.

A also emphasized that telling an adult about bullying is not the same as tattling. "Faith, for bullying to be stopped, you have to go to your teacher, principal, or an adult who is in charge. If someone doesn't know, then she can't help."

But the bullying did not stop. Each day I saw Faith's hurt and depression grow. I reached a point when I could not stand the pain in her eyes anymore. I was angry that my child was being bullied from her classmates. Who did they think they were to call her names!

A approached the principal. Actually, I stormed into the school demanding that the name-calling stop immediately. He promised the bullying would stop. He said, "Faith, if someone bullies you, tell the teacher or come tell me." I left feeling the situation would get better; however, it did not. My temper outburst had embarrassed my daughter. She did not want to tell me anything that was happening at school. She was afraid I would blow up again.

I knew it was important for me to try to keep my cool, but it was hard for me to do.

The bullying continued. The second time I went to the principal, he said, "Your daughter acts out and wants negative attention. No one is bullying her and if they are, she is provoking them. Mostly, I think she is making these allegations up, perhaps to get attention from you." knew if my daughter said she was being bullied, she was. I needed to do something to solve the problem, but what? I started keeping a diary of different episodes at school when my child or a friend of hers discussed them.

Finally, Faith and I went to the superintendent. The three of us discussed the situation at school. He said, "Faith, if someone calls you names, tell the teacher or the principal. I will call and talk to the principal about the situation. No child should suffer the way you are."

Surely, this would stop the constant name-calling and teasing. My nerves were shattered from the constant battle with the school and my daughter. I developed hatred toward the students at her school. As a Christian, I knew these feelings were wrong, but the hatred grew. At times I felt like letting my daughter quit school; however, that was not a legal option. And education was important to us.

One night my husband went downstairs to get some water and unexpectedly caught Faith reaching for his bottle of high blood pressure medicine. He asked, "What are you doing with my medicine?" Faith broke down and started crying. She admitted she had suicidal thoughts.

Our family sought a Christian counselor. All of us were being affected in one way or another. As a mother, I experienced stress from watching my daughter's unhappiness. Often I felt angry, confused, and guilty. What had I done wrong as a parent? I asked myself. The bullying caused my daughter to suffer with low self-esteem, anger, and stress.

The counselor worked with my daughter to learn ways to be assertive. Role-play was a vital part of their counseling sessions. Communication as a family became an important focus during this time. We practiced active listening and keeping an open mind. Recognizing her feelings as real and acceptable was a part of our counseling sessions. The counselor also helped me to work with my anger toward the school.

At the counselor's suggestion, we decided to look for another school, one that practiced a zero tolerance policy for bullying. A neighboring school had a no-bullying policy in force. The school superintendent met with Faith and me. We discussed the problems she had with the other school.

The superintendent said, "No one deserves to be bullied. Every child has a right to be safe at school. Faith, if someone bullies you, tell the teacher. If that doesn't work, tell the principal. If you find it necessary to come see me, I guarantee the problem will end."

Faith recently finished the eighth grade and is looking forward to another year of school there. She has friends who know the meaning of friendship.

As a parent, I learned bullying is not a laughing matter. Now, if my child is bullied, I will seek help with the teachers and principals