Interrupted Life and Letters From Westerbork Throughout

¶ … Interrupted Life and Letters from Westerbork

Throughout my academic career, I avoided dealing with the monumental human tragedy known as the Holocaust. History classes required that I read sterile, chronicled information, learn names and dates, and understand the causes and results. History classes have never required that I read a first-hand account of the horrors of a Jewish woman in this inhuman and appalling era and reflect upon it.

As I read, there were moments that I had to put the book aside and get my mind on something else. It is inconceivable that such suffering and carnage was accepted, supported, or denied by the people of the world. I was sometimes nauseous and sometimes tearful. However, along with the misery and bloodshed of the Holocaust, Etty Hillesum is able to convey a joy in living, appreciation for the moment, and love of humanity in her book An Interrupted Life and Letters from Westerbork.

Etty Hillesum was a Dutch Jew from Amsterdam. Her life might have been unremarkable and her story might never have been told had she not been an aspiring writer. Through these letters and diary entries, I watched a young woman in her mid and late twenties for almost three years until she died at Auschwitz in 1943. Her book begins about nine months after Hitler's Germany invaded the Netherlands. In addition to her diary, she wrote letters to her loved ones from Westerbork Detention Camp, where Jews were confined before being taken to the death camps. "If I have one duty in these times," she asserted, "it is to bear witness.

Etty Hillesum wrote about the little things in her life, like eating breakfast. She also wrote the same things that all young women write about -- men and romance. Considering her circumstances, I expected that much of her day was spent anticipating her empty future and contemplating when she was going to die. Her optimism and her gentle spirit, particularly under these dire circumstances, were astonishing.

She wrote a great deal about her love for a man she identified as S. Although many of her romantic passages were comparable to any young woman in love, this relationship had a profound impact on her ability to reach deep inside her and record these emotions.

S. was actually Julius Spier, a psychotherapist who had studied with Carl Jung. Spier was her closest friend and her lover. She was both captivated and conflicted over him. She spoke of her physical desire for S. And conversely, her aspiration for a spiritual union devoid of eroticism. However, her deep emotional attachment for S. was the impetus for her soul-searching contemplation and her ability to grow and love in an environment of death.

Etty Hillesum described herself as "a soul without a skin." She had overwhelming sensitivity and was attuned to her environment and her deepest thoughts. It is this awareness coupled with her love of life that makes An Interrupted Life and Letters from Westerbork a less disturbing, but more intense accounting of the individual lives of people in these extraordinary and unprecedented circumstances. This book captures the horror and the beauty of her existence. Her personal musings and profound internal discoveries are extraordinary accomplishments during horrendous times. Her diary begins with the statement, "I am accomplished in bed." This could be the speculation of any young vital woman. She is able to convey an everyday complexion to her brutal state of being.

Hillesum describes herself as impulsive, whimsical, and brilliant in the first half of the book. Her overriding thoughts were of her passion for Julius Spier. However, the time came when Dutch Jews were required to wear yellow stars for identification. Hillesum became more pragmatic about her circumstances and more philosophical about her mission in this life. As the Nazis harassed and repressed the Dutch Jews, she drew strength from her faith. "When I pray," she explained, "I hold a silly, naive, or deadly serious dialogue with what is deepest inside me, which for the sake of convenience I call God."

She never retreated from the world around her or her many friends. She claimed that

"Thinking gets you nowhere. It may be a fine and noble aid in academic studies, but you can't think your way out of emotional difficulties. That takes something altogether different. You have to make yourself passive then, and just listen. Reestablish contact with a slice of eternity."

She understood that joy and suffering were both parts of the same experience. She was courageous in the face of obstacles and demonstrated little fear. "Somewhere there is something inside of me that will never desert me again," she proclaimed.

As her circumstances became more horrifying, her compassion seemed to increase. She spent no energy despising the Nazis. "True peace," she said, "will come only when every individual find peace within himself; when we all have vanquished and transformed our hatred for our fellow human beings of whatever race -- even into love one day, although perhaps that it asking too much. It is however, the only solution."

Her lack of hatred toward the Germans was not because they did not deserve it. She simply chose not to release more hostility into the universe. However, she wrote that "the absence of hatred in no way implies the absence of moral indignation." It continues to amaze me that she was able to record such powerful words in such a powerless situation. She reveals in her diaries what kept her alive, not just what made her suffer.

As I read this passage, about her lack of malice, I think of driving to work the other day. I was upset because I could not find a parking place and I was going to be late for my haircut. I heave a great sigh as I write this. How foolish to agonize over such trivia! What a waste of the moment! I am feeling grateful that I have hair to cut, appreciative for my used car, and thankful for another day.

As I think about the joy and privilege in my life, my thoughts stray to the other side of the world where still another war is raging. Innocent people are likely praying at this moment that a missile from an American bomber does not miss its target and blow up their home and kill their children or their neighbors or their neighbor's children. I think about the people that jumped to their death from the World Trade Center in order to escape the inferno. These people had mothers and siblings and friends. Are they able see the joy in life with Etty Hillesum's acuity? Do they understand the process they are going through?

Her last diary entry began with the statement, "We should be willing to act as a balm for all wounds." She had evolved from a young woman with the qualities of sensitivity and benevolence to an enlightened being. Her confidence shines as the diary opens, but it is her wisdom that is most preeminent as the book comes to an end.