Interview Is With a Long-Time

¶ … interview is with a long-time friend of my parents, who owns his own business and is married with one child. He is 42, and I have known him since I was little. His responses are prefaced with FR:, my responses are prefaced with ME:

FR: That's an interesting question. I have always noticed that I process information much more effectively if I actually observe the behavior and take part in it at some point. I can read instructions and understand them, but actually performing the behavior is much more informative to me, and the behavior usually sticks with me if I actually participate at some point. If I don't take part in the behavior, I've noticed that I have to read the instructions several times before they make sense, but if I take part, I usually only have to perform it once or maybe twice for it to stick.

A also prefer studying where there is little noise or distraction, which allows me to concentrate completely on what I'm reading. I find that if I study with background noise or distractions, I cannot concentrate as much on the information I'm reading, and I don't retain it as well. If I'm reading something light, like a newspaper or magazine, background noise and distraction doesn't really affect me.

ME: That's interesting to hear, because I'm pretty much the opposite. I do much better if I read the information once or twice and then perform the behavior, it's like it's become familiar to me by then. If I get tripped up, I'll go back to that step in the reading to confirm, and try again. I see that I have much better comprehension and performance this way, and I'm much more comfortable reading about the behavior first before I attempt it.

As for the library question, I can't study without some "white noise" in the background, it makes me crazy. I can study at the library, but I have to have my iPod with me, so I can listen to some tunes. I much prefer studying somewhere where there's activity and action, it helps keep me interested in what I'm reading, and keeps me from getting bored and daydreaming about something else.

FR: Yes, I've taken the Myers Briggs test. It said I was an ISFJ (Introverted Sensing Feeling Judging), which I'm not sure I totally agree with. I think I'm more outgoing than the test suggested, I have to be. I own my own business and I meet with people all the time. It is true that I like more solitary pursuits to unwind. I like to sit down with a good book, or spend time with my family, which seems to be more and more precious as I watch my kids grow. Anyway, I do think I'm in touch with my feeling and sense feelings in others. My wife says I'm more Venus and she's more Mars, maybe that's true. I know that sometimes I do just want to be alone, and that's when I head off to the den with a beer to watch a game, or head out to the garage to work on one of my projects. Sometimes, I'll stay at the office after everyone is gone, because it seems like I can get more accomplished when I'm alone and the place is quiet. If I have to get out of the house because it's too crazy, I'll take the dog for a walk or something. I value my alone time, but I value my time with my family, as well. I guess I am pretty judging, although I don't like to think of myself that way. I do judge others by their appearance, etc., especially if I'm doing business with them; I tend to "size them up," so to speak.

I'm not sure what experiences helped develop my personality the most. I know that my college years were important to me, and I built friendships with my roommates that are still important to me. I think my college years built a foundation for me, and of course, my parents taught me values and ideas that have helped form my personality, like thinking about the feelings of others and kindness and things like that. I think owning my own business has helped mature my personality. I think I'm more responsible now than when I was younger, and I take things more seriously, because there is a lot riding on my decisions, not only for my business, but also for my family. So, I think my personality is a blend of things I've learned and observed throughout my life.

ME: I've done this test a couple of times, and I always come out ENTP (Extroverted Intuitive Thinking Perceiving), which I think suits me just fine. I like being around other people, and socializing. I'm not the "life of the party," but I'm not shy in crowds, either. I can see myself in some kind of career that lets me work with people, like perhaps sales or something where I interact with others, because I wouldn't like working alone, it would drive me crazy. I think I'm intuitive and perceptive too, my family has always said that about me.

I'm not really sure what has helped form my personality. Personally, I think it's still forming. I think people are born with certain characteristics, too. I mean, you can change aspects of your personality if you work on them, but I think some people are just more outgoing than others, or more perceptive, or whatever. I don't know what makes them that way. Maybe it's partly situations they faced while they were growing up, and maybe they're just "wired" that way. I never remember being really shy, and I always remember fitting in through school and sports and all that, so I'm not sure exactly what has helped form my personality yet. I think my relationship has certainly helped it form, because I'm close with all my family, and we all have good relationships with each other.

FR: Wow, these are hard questions! Yes, I think I self-monitor myself, especially in business situations that are important to me. I think I tend to think about what I'm going to say and how I'm going to act, so I show the best attitude I can. I tend to keep anger and such inside, which I think is also a form of self-monitoring. As for the strongest influence on my attitudes, I think that has to be my parents. They always tried to raise me to be fair and open-minded about people and situations, and I think that has played a role in my adult life. I think my wife has helped adjust my attitude, as well. She has made me feel more focused and grounded, and I think I'm much more responsible since I got married and had a kid. It changes your attitude, that's for sure!

I'm not sure about race and ethnicity playing into attitude. Maybe it does in certain areas. Kids on the street in the inner city certainly have a different attitude; they have to, to survive. So, perhaps there is something to that statement. I would like to think that it doesn't play a role in attitude or perception, my parents raised me that way, and that's the way I'm trying to raise my daughter. I don't think gender or race or anything should make a difference in personality, but maybe, because of different cultures and beliefs, it really does. I think I have to think more about that.

ME: Yeah, I think I'm self-monitoring a lot. I watch what I say around certain people, and I talk differently with my friends than I do say in the classroom. I think everyone is self-monitoring to some extent, unless they are mentally ill or social outcasts. I mean, you have to monitor yourself or you'll sound like "Rain Man" or something. As for attitude, I think I developed a lot of my attitude with my peers. I think you do that when you're young, you try to act like the "cool" people you know. I learned a lot from my family, and we're close, so I think that's affected how I feel about families and relationships. But I think a lot of attitude comes from outside influences, too, because you can't grow up to be your mom or dad, you have to be yourself.

Yes, I think race and gender play a role in personality and attitude. I mean, I have some black friends, and they have real attitude! That's just not how I am, but it is how they are. I agree, I think culture and beliefs are different between races and cultures, and that makes different personalities, so they fit into their culture.