intimate relationship conflict resolution communication

In the Modern Family episode entitled “Spanks for the Memories,” (Season , Episode 15), Joe and Gloria have a miscommunication that leads to interpersonal conflict. Although it ends humorously and without overt discord on the show, this type of conflict could have resulted in a complete communication breakdown and possibly lead to the demise of the relationship. In this episode, though, Joe and Gloria use relationship maintenance behaviors like being willing to talk directly and openly about their issues and by using involvement behaviors that enhance intimacy and empathy.

Relationship maintenance means acknowledging the inevitability of change, and addressing any issues that need to be fixed. Both Joe and Gloria have been aware that their sex life needs a spark. Yet neither has yet to vocalize their discontent or address the matter directly. Avoidance, which refers to “sidestepping discussions about a specific topic or evading the partner,” is a “negative relationship maintenance behavior,” (Bevan & Sole, 2014, Section 8.1). Joe also uses another negative relationship maintenance behavior in this episode: spying. He spies on Gloria while she is talking on the phone to her friend, and as a result, he misconstrues what he heard. These are negative behaviors that, if left to fester, could cause the breakdown of intimacy.

However, both Joe and Gloria leverage their social support networks to help them cope with the conflict. There are two types of social support: action-facilitating support and nurturing support (Bevan & Sole, 2014, Section 8.3). Both Joe and Gloria rely on action-facilitating support, using informational support specifically (Bevan & Sole, 2014, Section 8.3). For example, each of them turns to a family member, confiding in what happened and asking for advice. Joe goes to his daughter, and she gives him advice about honoring Gloria for her mind and not her body. Gloria goes to Cam and Mitchell, who tell her that Joe might be implying that he wants to be spanked in the bedroom. It turns out that none of the information was actually correct, but their use of social support helps Joe and Gloria to gain perspective and have more empathy for the other person. Moreover, research shows that social support benefits both mental and physical health (Bevan & Sole, 2014, Section 8.3).

Joe and Gloria restore equity, balance, and harmony in their relationship by maintaining intimacy. Intimacy refers to “verbally and nonverbally sharing your innermost thoughts, feelings, and ideas with another person,” (Bevan & Sole, 2014, Section 8.2). The topic of sex is one that is inherently personal, requiring the use of “involvement behaviors” that enhance empathy (Bevan & Sole, 2014, Section 8.2). The involvement behaviors are critical for active empathic listening, which is what ultimately helps Joe and Gloria resolve the conflict. Some of the nonverbal involvement behaviors they show include sitting across from each other on the sofa, maintaining eye contact, and having an open body posture (Bevan & Sole, 2014, Section 8.2). Of course, they should have had this conversation earlier, before Joe spied on Gloria and before she relied on the faulty information shared by Mitchell and Cam. However, the intimate communication and involvement behaviors helped to strengthen and maintain their relationship.