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Conflict Resolution
Valerie is caught in an approach -- avoidance conflict (Miller, 1944). She seeks to confront Thomas regarding the rumor that she has heard that Thomas is spending time with a female colleague, yet at the same time she is apprehensive regarding approaching him about the issue because if she does so and the rumors not true Thomas will be upset by her mistrust. Thus, she has motivation to approach Thomas concerning the issue and at the same time is motivated to avoid the issue. According to Miller (1944) when involved in an approach avoidance conflict one will reach a standstill until either the gradient approach becomes steeper or the gradient of avoidance becomes flatter (the positive aspects of approach outweigh the negative aspects of avoiding the issue).
Given that this is a budding personal relationship and that Valerie has strong feelings for Thomas it is important that the situation be resolved and at the same time the status of the relationship remain preserved. Perhaps the only way to do this is to use a collaborating approach (Adler, Proctor II, &...
This approach will lower the gradient of avoidance and make the gradient of approach steeper, thus allowing her to confront the issue in a nonthreatening manner.
. This means that Valerie should be assertive and at the same time cooperative in her approach to Thomas when discussing this issue. She needs to confront Thomas in a nonthreatening manner, not to make accusations but to identify her concerns, explain the problem, explain how the issue and impacts both of them, and finally fully explain her concerns but at the same time make it understood that this is of concern to her because she cares for him. She must effectively listen to Thomas when he replies and then analyze which she has heard from Thomas, use reflection, and address any issues where they are not making themselves clear to the other person. Such an approach will allow for Thomas not to go on the defensive in the light of this accusation by another person and to understand why the rumor concerns Valerie. It…
References
Adler, R., & Proctor II, R. (2005). Looking out, looking in. Belmont, CA: Cengage Learning.
Miller, N.E. (1944). Experimental studies of conflict. In J. McV. Hunt (Ed.) Personality and the behavior disorders (Vol. 1). New York: Ronald.
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