Conflict resolution strategies and applications

Conflict Resolution

Valerie is caught in an approach -- avoidance conflict (Miller, 1944). She seeks to confront Thomas regarding the rumor that she has heard that Thomas is spending time with a female colleague, yet at the same time she is apprehensive regarding approaching him about the issue because if she does so and the rumors not true Thomas will be upset by her mistrust. Thus, she has motivation to approach Thomas concerning the issue and at the same time is motivated to avoid the issue. According to Miller (1944) when involved in an approach avoidance conflict one will reach a standstill until either the gradient approach becomes steeper or the gradient of avoidance becomes flatter (the positive aspects of approach outweigh the negative aspects of avoiding the issue).

Given that this is a budding personal relationship and that Valerie has strong feelings for Thomas it is important that the situation be resolved and at the same time the status of the relationship remain preserved. Perhaps the only way to do this is to use a collaborating approach (Adler, Proctor II, & Towne, 2005) to solve this particular conflict as Valerie was caught in an approach/avoidance conflict. This approach will lower the gradient of avoidance and make the gradient of approach steeper, thus allowing her to confront the issue in a nonthreatening manner.

. This means that Valerie should be assertive and at the same time cooperative in her approach to Thomas when discussing this issue. She needs to confront Thomas in a nonthreatening manner, not to make accusations but to identify her concerns, explain the problem, explain how the issue and impacts both of them, and finally fully explain her concerns but at the same time make it understood that this is of concern to her because she cares for him. She must effectively listen to Thomas when he replies and then analyze which she has heard from Thomas, use reflection, and address any issues where they are not making themselves clear to the other person. Such an approach will allow for Thomas not to go on the defensive in the light of this accusation by another person and to understand why the rumor concerns Valerie. It will also guide the best way for him to approach the situation.

3. Valerie has found that there is no truth to the rumor and now most negotiate the potential strain on the relationship that confronting Thomas may have caused. For Valerie, the best case scenario is to turn this whole experience into a positive one by using it as an example of how the couple can be honest with each other and still avoid negative outcomes. Valerie can discuss the issue with Thomas and to use it as a chance to develop their communication skills by coming to a mutual understanding that they should be able to recognize their feelings and communicate their feelings to each other without the other person becoming offended or angered. They can discuss how they will handle future situations where they need to express their feelings and make a pact that each person will actively listen to the other and reflect back what they have heard in order to make sure that there is a mutual understanding in situations where there may be potential conflicts. They can use the situation to develop a strategy that will allow them to effectively listen to each other in these unavoidable instances where there will be a potential conflict, analyze the input from the other person, try to understand how the other person is feeling and why the other person is expressing the issue, and to develop a chance for them to resolve future attentional complex in a cooperative manner. However, both Valerie and Thomas should understand that it will be difficult to use a collaborating style all the time and that matters that are more trivial in nature do not require such an approach. They should also learn to recognize when using this style of conflict resolution is simply a way to take advantage of the other person or to diffuse the responsibility of a particular situation. Using a collaborative approach correctly can only strengthen the relationship.