Janice Mirikitani Suicide Note Poetry Analysis

“not good enough not pretty enough not smart enough” are the words that echo and persist throughout Janice Mirikitani’s poem “Suicide Note.” The literal title of Mirikitani’s poem alerts the reader to the tragic ending, which the speaker claims is a result of her being psychologically abused by her parents. An angry tone pervades “Suicide Note,” laden with bitterness and sarcasm. The speaker even uses the word “bitter” to emphasize her sullen state of mind. The concrete details that stand out the most in “Suicide Note” include the use of repetition and the emphasis on the speaker’s gender.
The speaker has internalized her parents’ disapproval, but it remains unclear whether her parents were earnestly pushing her to try harder or if they were, as she suggests, prejudicing her for her gender. “If only I were a son, shoulders broad...I would see the light in my mother’s eyes, or the golden pride reflected in my father’s dream of my wide, male hands worthy of work and comfort.” The speaker also claims that her “choices” in life were “thin as shaved ice.” The reader of “Suicide Note” wonders if the speaker is imagining that her parents wished she were a boy or if they had actually told her so much directly. Ending the poem with “breast of earth” further stresses its gendered implications. Her death signifies reunion with mother earth, whereas the speaker’s biological mother failed to provide her with the nurturing she needed.
The fact that the poem is designed to mirror a suicide note compounds the tragedy because the speaker becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy. Her parents never showed her the approval she was seeking, but killing herself only makes them believe more that she was a “failure” and a “disappointment.” While her parents are likely to feel guilty at the tragedy of her death, they may not believe as she did that their parenting style was the problem. Comparing herself to a sparrow throughout the poem also shows that the speaker believed that she was actually capable of flying—of being free—but she continues to blame her parents. The reason why she was unable to fly only becomes clear later in the poem, when the speaker states, “the snow burdens my crippled wings.” The snow symbolizes the coldhearted claims of being “not good enough not strong enough not smart enough.” Therefore, “Suicide Note” could inspire readers to change their attitudes towards children and help parents refrain from the type of abuse described in the poem.
Snow and winter imagery symbolize death, which is the crux of the poem. During winter, trees lose their leaves and birds flee for warmer climes. The motif of winter that Mirikitani creates in “Suicide Note” is appropriate for conveying the central theme of death. Yet unlike winter, a suicide is absolute and irreversible. The speaker either loses sight of that fact, or denies it entirely, believing that the only means of regaining power and agency is through teaching her parents a lesson in her suicide. he speaker wants her parents to feel “sorries of sorries.” Making herself into a martyr (“I make this ledge my altar to offer penance”), the speaker wants to draw attention to herself and her suffering and make her parents suffer for the rest of their lives as punishment for the way they treated her.
In “Suicide Note,” the speaker claims that her parents repeated “not good enough not strong enough not smart enough,” which led her to commit suicide. Her parents may have said these things or merely implied them. No matter how hard she worked, she could never live up to their expectations because she was a girl and not the boy they had hoped for. Whether the speaker’s sentiments are valid, reflecting how her parents actually felt, or whether the speaker could have found another way to strengthen her resilience, is uncertain. Surely a sparrow cannot fly with the weight of snow upon its wings, but birds do make it through the winter if they stick with their flock and make it far enough south.



Works Cited

Mirikitani, Janice. “Suicide Note.” https://thevalueofsparrows.com/2015/01/14/poetry-suicide-note-by-janice-mirikitani/