Honesty versus diplomatic ambiguity in social interaction and success

Learning Outside the Classroom

Can One Really be Popular by Being Honest?

I got my first summer job at the swimming pool, giving away samples of a new chlorine-repellent shampoo to the visitors, who mostly were young and enthusiastic - but fussy and critical when the talk came to money matters.

Going home thirsty and exhausted, I felt thankful to find a bottle of berry juice to drink while resting on the couch. That was where I found Van Fleet's "Conversational Power: The Key to Success With People" that my father's colleague left on the cushions.

Here is the interesting part. Van Fleet (1973) said, "Perfection increase the tense of the conversation; nobody would find it comfortable speaking with someone who knows everything (someone who is ready to reflect their "intelligence" to the crowd." He said that it was not the way if someone wants to be popular.

I agree absolutely. In fact, I enjoyed saying "I don't know" anytime it is necessary, despite the fact that we need to avoid that during classroom presentation, or advertising talk for example, unless one wants to lose sales. Did I? Well, of course not. However, my friend at work made three times as much as I did. I thought he might spoke better than I did, counting any phony details about how the shampoo get rid of chlorine as well as dandruff, plus the long-lasting fragrance that would not fade away within three days.

Clark (1996) gave an example about a woman who felt so unintelligent joining a crowd at a party where people seem to know everything. He said, "One tragic character flaw: she is honest." No, it is not that one should lie, but at least one should be able to give ambiguous but diplomatic answer that would not reveal the ignorance or constraints.