Loner in Me I Have Always Been

¶ … Loner in Me I have always been a loner, it seems. I am an only child, and I never minded, really. Sometimes I wish I had a brother or sister, but more often, when I see the many problems some siblings suffer, I'm grateful I'm the only one, but it wasn't always so. When I was younger, I would beg my mother for a little brother or sister, never knowing she couldn't have any more children.

How could I know? She'd just smile, and send me out to play, or to read a book, one of my favorite occupations when I was young, but I'm sure it hurt her, yet she never let on. I used to go to bed and dream of having a baby brother or sister to love and care for. I was jealous when I saw other families who had lots of children, and wondered why they had so many, and we had just me.

I gradually stopped asking, something inside me knew that mom would never have any more children -- it was just me and mom and dad. That's when I really seemed to get comfortable in my role as a loner, and it's never worn off. I'm a loner, and here's what it's like to live away from the maddening crowd. Oh, it's not that I don't like other people, I do, but in small doses. In the library for example, I enjoy studying for a while with my friends.

But sometimes, I just enjoy walking the stacks by myself and looking for the perfect book for a long weekend read or one more research text for my next paper. Sometimes, I'm the only one there, and I like it. It makes me feel as if the library is "mine" for a short moment or two. It's not that I'm anti-social or anything. I don't spend inordinate amounts of time in my room being alone, or avoid going to events where I know there will be a lot of people.

I like the mall and football games as much as anyone. It's just that I also relish my time alone. Sometimes, it's just time for me to think. Sometimes it's just time for me not to think. Sometimes, it's just time and space. I enjoy taking long walks, especially this time of year, with or without friends and family. I guess I've discovered that being alone isn't as bad as some people seem to think, and I'm at home with myself.

I once read that many famous and successful people are only children, such as Lance Armstrong, Laura Bush, Albert Einstein, Leonardo da Vinci, Robin Williams, and Charles Lindbergh, so I'm in some very good company. Sometimes, I feel as if I can do great things too, just as many of them have. I hope that's true. In high school, I tended to stay to myself. I wasn't the most popular kid, but I did have a close circle of friends -- we're still friends today, in fact.

I tend to hang on to the people who are important to me. Only children do that, it seems. We tend to reach out to people, but only on our own terms. At least that's how it is with me. I like my friends, but sometimes, I just need time to myself, especially when I have a problem I'm trying to solve, or something is bothering me. I have to think about it myself first, before I can talk about it with someone else.

Sometimes, I don't talk with anyone at all; I just work it out in my own mind. Perhaps I need other input, but sometimes I just don't seek it out. It may not be the best way to handle your problems,.