Marital Discourse \'Empty Next\' Case

Marital discourse 'Empty next' case study: Reestablishing a lost connection after a child leaves for college 'Empty next' case study: Reestablishing a lost connection after a child leaves for college 'Empty nest' syndrome, or the emptiness that a couple feels after a child has left for college, is a common phenomena. In this case, when Mr. And Ms. G's only son left for his first year of college, their lives underwent a profound shift. Ms. G had not worked outside the home, except for volunteer work at her son's school and at her church. Even after her son had grown older, she was still very involved in his life. She organized parental fundraisers for his school sports, as well as senior class trips and fundraisers for the PTA and prom committees. Now that he was no longer a regular member of the household, Ms. G admitted feeling aimless and unsure as to what to do with her free time. A housekeeper and gardener maintained the premises, and other than going to the gym and occasionally meeting up with friends, Ms. G's day lacked a coherent structure.

Mr. G is an attorney, and much of his day is devoted to his work. He said he often felt that he had little to talk about with his wife when he arrived home. He also felt she was over-involved in the life of their son, and that she communicated with the boy too frequently over email and by phone. Mr. G suggested that his wife get a job, but Ms. G felt that she did not have enough marketable skills to get a 'good' job. She had tried working at her husband's office, but that had lead to quarreling. Ms. G was not trained as a legal secretary or paralegal.

Money was a frequent source of arguments for the couple. One of the reasons Mr. G wanted his wife to get a job was because the family budget was tighter, now that their son was in college at a private university. He often felt that Ms. G spent too much money on frivolous things like clothes. Ms. G felt that Mr. G was using his position as breadwinner to make her feel badly, and pointed out that he had wanted her to stay home with their son, years ago. She had helped run the home while he was building his law practice, and felt that he did not give her enough credit for being a good wife and mother.

The couple admitted that they had little to talk about, and lead very separate lives -- Mr. G in his office, and Ms. G with her circle of friends. To reestablish the couple's ability to engage in meaningful dialogue with one another, the counselor first suggested they first make a list of things they had in common and things they did not. Adding to the list of similarities and emphasizing their shared history and interests was essential. Since the couple enjoyed travel and fine food, the counselor suggested going on a 'date night' once a week to a relatively inexpensive, new restaurant, where they would have one another's undivided attention and could try a new type of cuisine or visit a new town.

The couple also received individual 'assignments.' It was suggested that Mr. G think about ways he defined his sense of worth outside of his work as an attorney. Ms. G was encouraged to list ways she defined herself outside of her role as a wife and mother. She was encouraged to list marketable skills she had, should she wish to go to work. Ms. G said she would consider registering with a temporary agency, to explore different career possibilities. She was also asked to make a list of things she might like to pursue as new hobbies, or hobbies she had enjoyed in the past, such as golfing and pottery. Having a stronger sense of independent self-worth, the counselor believed, would make both Mr. And Ms. G more effective in their marital roles.