Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is a strange product of the modern age -- a film based upon a popular children's toy of the 1980s. The sequel to the original megahit Transformers taps into the same nostalgia for the plastic creatures that could convert from robots into cars and back again, while seeks to draw a new audience of cinemagoers, craving fantastic spectacles and special effects.

However, the film is so loud, it is almost impossible to understand the dialogue -- the film's robots resemble humans, but almost no effort is made to give them a human dimension to make the viewer care about them, or care if they live or die. They have such names the Autobots, Decepticons and Otherbots, and their various alliances quickly blend together. The dialogue of the machines and their human counterparts alike is covered with background noise, and there is no pretence of plot development.

In their original incarnation as toys, the Transformers were not noted for having distinct characters. The toy was a gimmick, not an effort to create a particular 'world,' unlike such icons as GI Joe and Barbie, for example. This could have presented a more talented director than Michael Bay with an opportunity to create something completely new, without having to show fidelity to the original source. Instead, a random series of action movie cliches are strung together. The Transformers are simply identified as a race from a planet far, far, away. They speak with a hodge-podge of central casting accents, including New York, British, and 'street.' The human world is in peril, according to the repeated, alarmed statements of the humans. A major iconic monument is threatened, in this case the pyramids. The critical viewer's eyes naturally roll -- of course the world/world's treasures are in grave peril, just like in Independence Day and War of the Worlds. Of course serious scientists make dire pronouncements: but really, the film is an excuse for explosions -- and product tie-ins.

What makes Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen so truly, epically awful is that it does not even seem to try to be anything more than a commercial masquerading as a film, special effects masquerading as plot. All of the women are beautiful and statuesque; all of the robots are fierce, angry, and loud. The soundtrack blares in the background, just to make sure that the viewer does not forget to download it from iTunes. And of course, the hope is that children will buy the toys, or pester their parents to purchase the toys.

For loyal viewers, this is not their first experience with the Transformers film franchise -- technically, the film is a sequel, although it is uncertain if this is truly helpful in understanding the film. One film reviewer noted that the characters are merely stock figures, to encourage the viewers to see themselves as part of the pounding action on screen: "Shia LaBeouf is back as Sam, the precocious teen who gave hope to nerds everywhere in 2007's Transformers that they too could get the beautiful girl, if only they had the right alien species parked in their garage. Now he's headed off to college leaving behind said beautiful girl, Mikaela (Megan Fox), who spends her days working on cars and bikes by artfully draping herself across them in Daisy Dukes that make Jessica Simpson seem modest" (Sharkey 2009). Despite the fact that Mikaela is a mechanic (no need for Sam to spend any time showing interest in any stereotypically female pursuits like romantic candlelight dinners or chick flicks) she dresses in micro-shorts and sashays rather than reaches for a screwdriver.

The main character has another friend, a car/robot takes the form of a typical 'muscle car' Camero, who resists Sam's decision to go off to college, in which is supposed to be a mildly humorous sequence. Of course the car needn't worry -- the need to save the world quickly forces Sam to put away his books. Even Sam's college aspirations are mocked in this film. But in a film that is supposed to be entertaining, there are no humorous, funny lines in Revenge of the Fallen. Every word that comes out of each character's mouth sounds clumsy and staged in the Transformers sequel. Characters are basically just a replay of old stereotypes -- the geeky kid, the jock friend (in this case a car) -- and the film is unapologetically geared at a male audience so women seem even less human than the robots.