Communication Problems, Marital Satisfaction, and Divorce

Introduction and Statement of the Problem

Communication problems have long been perceived as a contributor to marital dissatisfaction and divorce. Thompson (2008) stated that some marriages are more difficult than others, but only communication problems make them untenable. Research, he says, has found that difficulties communicating are a major source of marital failure. Supporting this view, Caughlin and Huston (2006) stated that research literature has linked communication to dissatisfaction and/or divorce. Vangelisti (1994) indicated that it is the view of some counsellors that the primary problem in relationships is the inability to communicate constructively. Others feel that when the communication problem is addressed, the whole relationship improves. It is reasonable to conclude, therefore, that learning effective communication skills is a likely way to help curb this problem. One study cited by Thompson (2008) found that quality communication and money were among the two most important determinants of marital satisfaction. Maatta and Uusiautti (2013) have identified communicative strategies and metacommunication as important interaction strategies for the continuance of a relationship and coping with communication problems.

Walsh (as cited in Vangelisti, 1994, p. 109) recommended clarity, consistency, and predictability in patterns of interaction, open communication, effective problem solving, and conflict resolution processes as some of the most important components for healthy family functioning. When Navajo couples who self-identified as having strong marriages were interviewed on the question of what constitutes a strong marriage, maintaining communication was among the five themes identified (Skogrand et al., 2008). Finally, it will be helpful for couples to be able to recognize and quickly correct what Maatta and Uusiautti (2013) call the usual enemies of couple interaction — bad communication, destructive ideas about reasons for disagreements and problems, and lowered expectations toward the ability to solve disagreements.

This study is guided by two research questions: What role do communication issues play in marital problems? What role do communication issues play in resulting divorce?

It is predicted that communication problems will be related to marital problems and divorce among Trinidadian couples.

This study seeks to launch a scientific investigation and scholarly discussion on communication and marital problems. Though similar studies have been conducted in other countries, none has been found regarding Trinidadian society. Additionally, many studies cannot be generalized across all societies and cultures. For example, Skogrand et al. (2008) stated that researchers have concluded that one size does not fit all when it comes to relationship and marriage education, and there is a need to consider cultural differences as they relate to relationship and marriage education. The general consensus across the existing body of literature is that communication problems are linked to marital dissatisfaction and divorce. As such, the sole objective of this study will be to test these claims within the dynamics of Trinidadian society and, in the process, gain further insight and perspective on the issue.

This study has as its main focus the determination of the relationship between communication problems and marital problems and divorce. Marriages are no doubt difficult at times and face many challenges as well as conflicts. One only has to look at the number of marriages being dissolved to attest to this. How many of those marriages had communication problems as their major source of conflict? How many of those marriages could have been saved with effective communication? These are some of the questions this research will consider. Strong marriages produce strong families and strong homes, which by extension builds a strong society. This study bears great significance in identifying the extent of communication problems' contribution to marital problems and divorce. Recommendations and solutions to the problem will be proposed based on the findings.

Skogrand et al. (2008) stated that there is evidence that stable and happy marriages increase both child well-being and the social and emotional health of the couple. If this is so, then identifying hindrances to stable and happy marriages and recommending solutions to address them will help sustain these marriages, build up the family, and by extension help build a strong society.

Within the existing literature, communication has been defined in a number of ways. Adler and Rodman (1994) define communication as the process of creating meaning through symbolic interactions. Meanwhile, McIntosh, Davis, and Luecke (2008) define it as a complex activity which involves words, body language, voice tone and volume, the topic under discussion, the prejudgments that people bring to the topic, and the "communication history" between the participants in the discussion. Littlejohn (2002) states that "communication is one of the most pervasive, important and complex aspects of human life." McDermont (2008) agrees with the complexity of communication and points to the human ability to conceptualize and develop abstract ideas and engage in problem solving. Regardless of how communication is defined, it is certain that it is central to mankind's existence as well as to his relationships. For the purpose of this study, communication will be defined as an inescapable, irreversible, and dynamic human process, sometimes distorted by noise, in which meaning is generated and information is sent and received using varying channels.

Communication is not limited to verbal communication alone. Nonverbal communication — communication without words — plays an important role in the communication act. Wood (2007) states that nonverbal communication is more continuous than verbal communication and is also perceived as more believable. Nonverbal communication helps us to form impressions of others, define relationships, and regulate interactions (DeVito, 2009). It includes gestures, smiles, frowns, eye contact, body language, dress, space, time, and even silence. There are varying types of nonverbal communication, such as kinesics (body movement), haptics (touch), and olfactory (smell). When conducting this study, nonverbal communication will also be considered. The study will examine the types of nonverbal communication used by couples in sexual as well as nonsexual situations, as how couples communicate about sex holds great importance for any married couple and is likely to affect marital satisfaction.

As fundamental as communication is to human existence, there are instances when communication fails to take place or is ineffective, and in other instances messages are misinterpreted. When any of these situations occur in the context of close interpersonal relationships such as marriage, the likely result is conflict and relational difficulties. For this study, marriage is understood as the formal union of a man and a woman, legally recognized, by which they become husband and wife (Oxford Dictionary). This study will not consider same-sex marriages but will examine heterosexual marriages only. Divorce, for the purpose of this study, will be defined as the dissolution of a heterosexual marriage.

Literature Review: Communication Patterns and Marital Outcomes

The attribution theory as well as the relationship influence perspective will be utilized for the study. In a general sense, we all construct theories about the nature of people's behaviour. Carlson and Buskist (1997) explained that we attribute people's behaviour to either external (situational) or internal (dispositional) causes. Wood (2007) explained that an attribution is an explanation for why something happened or why someone acts a certain way, and that attributions have four dimensions. Locus attributes a person's behaviour to internal or external factors; stability explains actions as resulting from factors that will not change over time, or unstable factors that may differ at another time; specificity explains behaviour in terms of whether it has global implications applying in almost all situations or only under certain conditions; and responsibility relates to whether the action is within the person's control or beyond it. Wood (2007) further explained that our attributions for the actions of others affect our feelings about them and our relationship with them, and influence the meanings we attach to their communication.

This theory is applicable to the present study since it will be concerned with the extent to which marital problems and divorce can be attributed to communication problems — specifically, whether communication problems are attributed to internal or external factors, whether communication behaviours are stable (perhaps learned in childhood) or can change over time, and whether such behaviours apply in all situations or only select ones. The relationship influence model, which holds that the individual qualities brought to a relationship will affect the overall interpersonal tone of that relationship (Caughlin et al., 2006), can be seen as directly related to the internal and stable dimensions of attributions.

A basic part of a couple's communication is the ability to recognize problems in communication and interpretation and to ensure that messages are understood (Maatta & Uusiautti, 2013). Bloom, Hodges, and Cadwell (as cited in Vangelisti, 1994, p. 106) state that when undergoing counselling, couples identify communication — what they say and do not say to each other, how they deal with conflict, and whether they are able to understand each other's feelings — as the focal point of relationship difficulties.

Vangelisti (1994) launched a study to examine counsellors' views of couples' communication problems. The study, qualitative in nature, featured a random selection of fifty counsellors, with data collected via one-on-one interviews. Vangelisti (1994) reported that the communication problems most frequently highlighted by counsellors were: "does not take the other's perspective when listening, blames the other for negative occurrences, and criticizes or puts the other down." The reason most frequently highlighted for communication problems was a stable external cause — meaning the behaviour was taught to one or both partners during childhood. Stable internal reasons included "having unspoken expectations and beliefs that are often violated, failing to recognize the differences between unique needs of partners, and being self-centred by nature." Sixty-eight percent of counsellors felt that communication problems were symptomatic of other relational issues. One such issue identified is fear — fear of abandonment or being mistreated, fear of self, insecurity, and lack of confidence. Individuals' inability to accommodate change in expectations, beliefs, or roles was another central problem identified.

Poor or negative communication patterns usually take the form of demand and withdraw. This type of communication is characterized by the tendency of one partner to pursue and/or nag while the other avoids conflict and maintains distance from communication (Burrell, 2008). This communication pattern is ranked among the most destructive and least effective of interaction patterns used by couples (Papp, Kouros, & Cummings, 2009). Burrell's (2008) study, presented as a meta-analysis of several other studies, outlined as its purpose finding a relationship between demand/withdraw and various relational outcomes. Overall results showed a significant correlation between withdraw/demand and marital dissatisfaction, and evidence was found to suggest that marital relationships founded on repeated withdraw/demand are at high risk for marital dissatisfaction and dissolution.

One researcher found that wife-demand/husband-withdraw could be destructive to a relationship in the long term, yet another found that when the dynamic is reversed, satisfaction is actually increased — a finding ascribed to men's demanding behaviour being attributed to engagement in the relationship, which in the long run serves to increase satisfaction. Researchers suggest that the age of participants and the length of the relationship play a significant role in determining the extent of demand/withdraw. As the relationship transitions and time passes, partners tend to become more disillusioned, desire more change in the other, and conflict may arise. The alternative to demand-and-withdraw communication is mutually constructive communication, which encourages dialogue, respect, interest, energy, and problem solving. Burrell (2008) stated that gender has a great impact on demand/withdraw communication, since most studies found that women are more likely to be the demander and men the withdrawers.

Opposing this view, Caughlin et al. (2006) suggested that the issue should also be considered from the individual differences perspective as well as the relationship influence model. According to Caughlin et al. (2006), the gender perspective presents women as seeking intimacy more than men, due to disparities in socialization practices which lead women to be more attentive in relationships and men to find conflict more emotionally and physiologically unpleasant. The individual differences perspective considers variation in spouses' personal qualities — important, Caughlin et al. (2006) argue, because if this negative communication pattern is rooted in individual qualities, such behaviour is more difficult to change. The self-influence model focuses on attributes of individuals and their own behaviours; for example, the need for more autonomy is positively related to withdrawing behaviours, and the need for more closeness is positively related to demanding behaviours.

Their study used data from the PAIR project, a 13-year longitudinal study of marriage. Data were collected when the couples were newlyweds in face-to-face interviews and again 13 years later via telephone interview, with a total of four phases — though for their study only the first and last phases were used. Findings showed that neuroticism was positively related to demand/withdraw, thus supporting the relationship influence model.

Fowers (2001) can be seen as endorsing, to some extent, the individual differences perspective posited by Caughlin et al. (2006). Fowers (2001) stated that marital therapists have realized that persons find difficulty in applying communication skills, particularly in conflict, since doing so requires personal strengths such as self-restraint, courage, generosity, justice, and good judgement. Some persons lack these character strengths needed to apply communication skills. This view stresses the role of individual qualities in communication. Fowers (2001) is of the view that teaching communication skills alone is not enough to help couples solve communication problems, particularly if these individuals lack the personal qualities highlighted. Helping them cultivate these strengths will, in fact, help them improve their communication.

Fowers (2001) explained that the skill of non-defensive listening — focusing attention on what the other is saying without defending oneself — only becomes useful when coupled with self-restraint. In order to suppress one's defensiveness and attend carefully to one's partner's unhappiness with one's behaviour, self-restraint is a necessary quality. Editing, yet another communication skill, involves deciding carefully what to say and how to say it. According to Fowers (2001), judgement is necessary in order to edit one's communication effectively — judgement being the capacity to understand what is important in a situation and how to respond, and to differentiate between what is appropriate or helpful and what is harmful in communication at a particular time and in a particular relationship.

According to Papp et al. (2009), studies have linked demand/withdraw patterns to couple dysfunction and individual maladjustment, while relationship theorists have hypothesized a connection between relationship dysfunction and individual well-being, particularly depression. Their longitudinal study, which included 116 couples recruited through convenience sampling, asked participants to complete diary ratings of instances of marital conflict occurring at home. The demand/withdraw pattern was found in this sample at low frequencies; however, certain topics of marital conflict were linked to higher and lower likelihoods of withdraw/demand expressions. An association was found between withdraw/demand and spouses' symptoms of depression, thus showing a direct link between relationship dysfunction and partner well-being.

Caughlin and Vangelisti (1999), in exploring reasons for the demand/withdraw pattern, found that associations between desire for change and demand/withdraw were positive and did not particularly depend on topic salience. This finding refuted their earlier view that evidence pointing to an association between desire for change and demand/withdraw was based on topics which maximized the difference between spouses' desire for change. Caughlin et al. (1999) were of the view that, since couples do not only discuss topics involving desire for change, such topics may not be representative of couples' conflict issues broadly.

According to Maatta and Uusiautti (2013), central to successful couple interaction is the ability to interpret the other person's message correctly. Research is still seeking to determine whether happy and unhappy couples differ in their way of interpreting each other's messages. As such, they reviewed several studies on couple interaction with the purpose of gaining a comprehensive understanding of the situation. The review consisted of both quantitative and qualitative studies and combined the methods of systematic review and thematic synthesis. From the literature, Maatta and Uusiautti (2013) identified three dimensions of couple interaction — level, content, and accuracy of interaction. Level of interaction involves recurrence and length of contact, diversity in interaction methods and strategies, and social networks. Content involves quality and type of interaction and the ability to interpret each other's messages correctly, while accuracy involves the ability to express oneself clearly and interpret the other's message correctly.

It was found that communication in unhappy marriages tended to have long chains of negative exchanges. Unhappy couples experienced the influence of a message more negatively than was its purpose and used more negative expressions, which easily led to a cycle of negativity. With regards to nonverbal communication, findings showed that unhappy married couples differed from happy married couples in their level of nonverbal messages such as eye contact and touching. Women were found to smile and laugh more, complain, criticize, and disagree more, and use more positive nonverbal expressions than men. Men, however, used more excuses and negative nonverbal expressions and avoided eye contact more often than women. In general, women's nonverbal communication was found to appear more accurate, plentiful, and versatile than that of men. Overall findings showed that happy couples communicated more accurately than unhappy ones.

Conclusion

Communication remains central to what it means to be human; it sets us apart from others in the animal kingdom and we are unable to survive without it. It also remains crucial to the initiating and maintenance of relationships. Researchers have identified three key elements which influence satisfaction in long-term relationships: words, thoughts, and emotions. Our thoughts and emotions will be reflected in and communicated by our words — not omitting the nonverbal. Researchers have also found that reciprocal negativity fuels dissatisfaction and conflict, creating damage to our relationships. Since we were created as relational beings, we need relationships — be they romantic or platonic — and the average person will be unhappy without them. Thus it will always be worthwhile to explore and identify reasons for poor communication, its effects, and ways to improve it.