Grief, Resurrection, and Hope in Lament for a Son

Introduction: Suffering and Loss

To suffer is to live. Suffering makes up a large part of a person's life. In Nicholas Wolterstorff's Lament for a Son — a collection of reflections and anecdotes drawn from the author's experience with the premature loss of his son Eric — the author offers a way of dealing with loss that is both inspiring and deeply personal. What began as a tragic mountain climbing accident becomes, through Wolterstorff's writing, a voice for all those who mourn.

The Five Stages of Grief in Wolterstorff's Journey

Mourning is a common occurrence among the living. People die every day, and Kübler-Ross's five stages of grief outline the process of mourning while also helping to illuminate Wolterstorff's development after the loss of his son. The five stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression (or preparatory grieving), and acceptance.

The first stage, denial, is evident in the reactions of those around Wolterstorff as they learn of Eric's passing. When Wolterstorff himself first receives the news at 3:30 in the afternoon, he too experiences denial — the man on the phone had to tell him several times before he could grasp that Eric was gone.

In remembering Eric — his volunteer work, his loneliness, his personality — Wolterstorff also came to feel a kind of anger, even as he was reminded of the resurrection and the promise of being with Eric again one day. The loss seemed too much to bear, as reflected in his continued recollection of his son: "He was a gift to us for twenty-five years. When the gift was finally snatched away, I realized how great it was. Then I could not tell him" (Wolterstorff, 1987, p. 13). Yet some sense of hope remained. Later, he recalls objecting to the snuffing of the resurrection candle during his son's funeral — an act that can be understood as bargaining. He wants to keep alive the hope of one day being reunited with Eric, and so he prevents the candle from being extinguished.

Depression, the fourth stage, is visible in Wolterstorff's dreams of being on a battlefield, his mild solace in reading books, and his grieving in solitude, knowing that his suffering — like all suffering — is uniquely his own. In time, however, he begins to reach the fifth stage: acceptance. With acceptance comes the first signs of renewed joy. This shift begins when Wolterstorff comes to understand what Jesus meant, as described in the New Testament: "Not only is there a new day of peace coming. To those who mourn, the absence of that peace is disclosed already in the heart of God. Upon entering the company of the suffering, they discern the anguish of God" (Wolterstorff, 1987, p. 88). Seeing that God suffers — and that he will one day be reunited with Eric — Wolterstorff finds joy in living again, choosing to dwell in the light rather than the darkness. In this final stage, he understands that although life is painful and grief is unavoidable, both are part of life, and it is possible to move forward and find joy once more.

Conclusion: Finding Joy After Grief

Life will always have periods of suffering, grief, and mourning. However, God is with those who suffer — because God suffers as much as God loves. Wolterstorff learned this through his journey of grief, and it enabled him to endure the loss of his son. One day he will be reunited with Eric, and as the Bible affirms, all suffering will come to an end.

References

Kohlenberger, J. (2003). The evangelical parallel New Testament. New York: Oxford University Press.

Shelly, J., & Miller, A. (2006). Called to care. Downers Grove, IL: IVP Academic/InterVarsity Press.

Wolterstorff, N. (1987). Lament for a son. Grand Rapids, MI: Eerdmans.