Growing Up Over-Privileged: Advantages and Hidden Costs

Defining Over-Privilege

The concept of being an over-privileged child is simultaneously amusing and unsettling to me. To an outsider, being an over-privileged child may appear to be a life of advantages and comfort — a life free from the worries and concerns of "normal" everyday existence. I have no need to worry about affording the latest fashions, and I know I will not need to worry about paying bills in the future. There are certainly many benefits, but like any life condition, there are also disadvantages attached to the situation — disadvantages that may only become visible when the full context of being over-privileged is considered.

Writing about a genetic happenstance that many see as an unfair advantage — because it is unearned — has taken a great deal of thought. Writing about this subject will likely bring ridicule and accusations of self-pity or insincerity. After all, who wants to feel empathy for someone they think has it all? Given that, I will define why I refer to myself as over-privileged. The term is frequently used, associated with the very wealthy, and comes with many assumptions regarding what it means. However, the term is a clumsy one. To be privileged means that one has advantages and special rights. The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines it as not being subject to the usual rules or penalties due to some type of special circumstance. In my case, the special circumstances are a high level of social wealth and the social status that comes with that wealth.

High levels of wealth may be associated with privileges. For example, if I got into trouble with the law, I could afford the best lawyers to help resolve the situation. This gives the impression that I am not subject to the usual rules. In the same context, knowing people who wield power may also be beneficial — they may use influence to help me, influence I can only access due to my social standing, which is itself related to wealth. This creates privileges that some may view as unfair and that have the potential to produce disparate outcomes when comparing my situation to someone without the same wealth or social status.

However, this describes the term "privileged" in its ordinary sense. I certainly am privileged, and that cannot be denied. Yet I refer to myself as over-privileged because I see myself as exceeding that standard level. Unlike a normally privileged person, I do not have to ask for help — I have staff and helpers who seek out the assistance needed on my behalf. Beyond that, people of social standing would volunteer their help without being asked. I also have opportunities offered by extreme wealth that exempt me from many normal constraints. For example, if I want to travel abroad, I do not need to comply with a commercial airline's timetable; I can simply lease an aircraft and fly when I choose. By any estimation, such power and influence go beyond ordinary privilege, and it is that excess — facilitated by wealth and social status — that makes me over-privileged.

Advantages of an Over-Privileged Life

In defining the concept of being over-privileged, the many advantages become apparent. The primary one, of course, is a total absence of financial worry. I attended the best schools, had the best personal tutors available at home as needed, received the best medical care, and had traveled most of the world before I even finished school. I genuinely enjoyed life and the privileges it brought.

Many of those I went to school with had powerful parents — some in politics, others in the legal field. However, those peers were generally less affluent than the wider group I moved among, many of whom worked in finance and commerce. It is important to note that a large number of those who do work are doing so by choice and out of personal drive rather than necessity. The over-privilege I describe also means I can look after my family and friends without any concern for cost.

The Hidden Disadvantages

Even with all of those upsides and advantages, there are real disadvantages and downsides. My parents used their wealth and exercised the freedoms afforded by their over-privileged position. Their decisions — and those of their peers — led them to employ nannies and other highly qualified childcare specialists. Some may consider this a great benefit, but it produced a lesser connection with my parents than I would have desired, and the same is true for many of my peers.

This may create the impression that I feel sorry for myself, but I do not. I understand that there are also significant advantages to the way I was raised. Nevertheless, although I try to remedy the insufficiency in my relationship with my parents, it is difficult to build a close bond when we did not have a strong foundation of care and nurture at the onset of my life and development. I also fear the impact this will have on me as I mature and eventually have a family of my own. Having not been the recipient of close parenting, I must ask how I can provide it, given my lack of personal experience with that parenting style. I cannot know whether I am doing it well unless I bring in a childcare specialist — and if I do that, I risk repeating precisely what my parents did.

Perhaps the most difficult aspect of being over-privileged is the way in which everything becomes easy to obtain. This leaves me with a life of limited internal motivation. I am not driven by money to achieve specific goals, and rewards that can simply be purchased through financial resources are unlikely to inspire meaningful effort. This produces a type of boredom that is difficult to explain. Several of my peers in a similar position have turned to drugs and alcohol as a way of generating excitement in their lives, a path that leads to a life with little perceived meaning. I genuinely worry about their futures, as they are wasting their lives searching for meaning while literally risking their health in the process. These problems may appear superficial to outsiders; however, they are real and defined issues nonetheless. While I do not take drugs or drink heavily, I do feel the absence of my parents and wonder how I will bring lasting meaning to my life.

Conclusion

In the end, I felt as though I had everything, yet had nothing. I know that I am extraordinarily fortunate to be in the position of wealth and eventual responsibility that I inhabit. However, I am also affected in more than one way by the circumstances of that upbringing. People make sweeping and often inaccurate assumptions about my life, my attitudes, and my perceptions of people who are less privileged. The vast majority of the time, those presumptions are mostly or completely false. I know full well that I have no control over that reality, but it is still deeply frustrating to have people assume the worst without basis.