The downfall to this is that, as human beings, we tend to generalize our own thoughts and feelings onto those around us. Making it difficult for us to understand why someone else may have enjoyed a movie that we thought was absolutely horrendous. The same holds true in the expression of love and affection. Therefore, it is necessary that individuals in a relationship be shown that there are other ways to say, "I love you," "I need you," or "I appreciate you," besides using those specific words or sharing an intimate kiss.
Communication is the process of gathering meaning from the world around us, and using verbal and non-verbal messages to share this meaning with others. (Beebe, Beebe, & Redmond, 2005) More specifically, interpersonal communication can be defined as; "a distinctive, transactual form of human communication involving mutual influence, usually for the purpose of managing relationships" (Beebe et al., 2005, p. 6). Interpersonal communication is extremely complex and encompasses different themes and issues that affect many aspects of our daily lives. Of all these aspects, however, the area that is impacted the most is relationships, and more specifically, intimate relationships. This information, though not always applied, is, in fact well-known. What Chapman has so cleverly done is taken common knowledge and applied it in a way that it takes on new meaning. By taking the basic rules of language and communication, and applying it to the complex construct of love, he has opened up a whole new compendium of resources through which individuals and counselors alike are able to draw from when working toward interpersonal relationship improvement.
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He speaks instead of "emotional" love, which encompasses the affectionate and romantic kind frequently depicted in books, movies, and dreams. He also coins the term "love tank" which he explains everyone has. How full one's love tank is, is directly proportionate to how loved that person feels, which, in turn, instills a sense of meaning, self-esteem and well-being.
Chapman proposes that many relationships that are in trouble could be strengthened if only the individuals in the relationship would recognize and learn to speak their significant other's love language. This book is a welcomed relief from the all-to-often pessimistic views on relationships. It offers deep insight to individual needs for love and tips on how one might best meet them, and its individual as well as clinical application is not only worth while, but recommended.
References
Beebe S.A., Beebe S.J., Redmond M.V. (2005). Interpersonal Communication Relating
to Others (4th ed.) Boston: Pearson Education, Inc.
Bor, R., Mallandain, I., & Vetere A. (1998). What we say we do: results of the 1997 UK
association of family therapy members survey. Journal of Family Therapy, 20,
333-351.
Chapman, G. (2004). The Five Love Languages. Chicago, IL: Northfield Publishing.
James, W. (1892). The Principles of Psychology, Volume 1. New York: Henry Holt and Company.
Trommsdorff, G. & John H. (1992). Decoding affective communication in intimate relationships. European Journal of Social Psychology, 22, 41-54.
