Miami was where it all happened. I dated then. I guess you could say I had a life. Back then, if I were to be living under any rock, it had to be a very beautiful one, such as limestone, the kind of limestone that grew in small crevices on the road leading up to my grandfather's home on the island. I felt then that Prince Charming would come, eventually and when he did he wasn't going anywhere. After all, I am amazing; he must just not have received the memo quite yet. All of this was in the past and the time was now. I had been through enough doubt and feeling that I was some creature living under a rock. I was going to meet him and this situation would be resolved. Tonight was my coming out from under the rock.
Lucas. His name is Lucas Walker. We are in love, somewhere, in the back of my mind. I met him when I was 17, the summer before I became a freshman at Hippie University, the most granola university in the universe. He had the most beautiful smile. He had a radiant tan and wore a baseball cap that looked like it had belonged to his great-grandfather. He was a supervisor at a nannying camp where I spent my summer days working.
I had been away from the camp for a few days, God knows where. I returned bright and early to the shrieking children just in time to catch the latest camp gossip. Nicole, my erstwhile friend, had been there as well.
He is beautiful, how will I get him?" It is way too early to be so bubbly, and quite frankly, Nicole has never been much of a bubble.
Who? Did I really miss that much? Stuff always happens when I'm away." I shrug, as I walk beside Nicole, towards the check-in desk.
Lucas! We always thought he was super cute, but I really got to know him while you were gone."
Nicole! I have only loved him, for, hmm, ever!" I shrieked as the words flew out of my mouth. She had a smile the size of my ego, planted on her face. She really must have a few screws loose. Did everyone not know that I had the biggest crush on him? This is ridiculous. I wanted to slap the smile off her face and proceed on with my day.
I've always had a thing, somewhat of a phobia, about approaching the male species. Remember my ego? Well, it was huge and I didn't waste much of it on men that didn't want me enough to initiate conversation with me. The strange thing is, he did speak with me, and he did give me every indication that he was interested. He just didn't really make it much more.
Back then, I had what one would call a "winning streak." Pretty much any guy I sunk my teeth into, would fall head over heals...whether they wore heals or not. Lucas didn't appear to be one of those poor guys. He was unattainable and stunning. Being that I was Belle and I did have that one annoying phobia, amongst others, I spent the rest of the summer hanging out in the sun, making small talk where I could. Lucas would invite me out every so often. To the movies maybe or just over to hang out. Not that I ever did accept. For the first time, I was scared, uneasy and embarrassingly inexperienced. He was, by the way, a bit older and did have that dazzling bronze skin. I regret it to this day that I never went out with him. We would spend hours talking, but nothing more. It was always a bit intimidating, being that I, a beautiful girl, and Lucas, being of equal or quite possibly more beauty, wanted to spend time with me. I desired, so sincerely, to just...well, spend the rest of m! life with him.
Lucas and I would continue to speak casually through out the following school year; every once in awhile when I was in need of a soft voice that conveyed both sensitivity and longing. Nice combination....oh well. I would date here and there, break hearts and move on, get close to love and then escape but all while still wishing that Lucas was the one I was with. Everyone who was anyone, in my soap opera life, knew that I needed Lucas, knew that I longed for him on lonely nights, and maybe some not so lonely nights. So sue me. I found comfort in the fact that my ideal man existed...I lost control of my feelings and I never was too fond of that happening. Not that it happened all that often, because, actually, I don't think it ever did happen...at least not yet, on that level. I have never been a huge fan of loosing control, and even less of a fan of not getting what I want, when I wanted it. With Lucas it was different. The longing was true. He wasn't a possession or a conquest, more of a venture, into uncharted territory. During the rest of the day I languished at the pool and allowed my thoughts to drift.
The evening is perfect. He has the same smile and has become even more handsome and roguishly masculine. There is a glint in his eye and my heart is pounding, but a sense of assurance and calmness soon settles over me. There is no doubt in my mind and I can gauge with all the knowledge of my feminine intuition his obvious interest in me. We speak happily about those camp days and reminisce pleasantly enough. But behind the words and the light laughter I can sense the building of something bigger; something world shaking and real. The world of the rock begins to fade away until it is only a smudge on my personal horizon. All the while I am careful to keep myself in check. No use leaping ahead. Keep it light and casual. This was going to be long-term and I was going all the way. Lucas seems to have other ideas though, and his excitement and intensity are almost overwhelming. He is obviously deeply in love. Even before the first course was over he breaks the mood of light banter rand leaned intimately closer. He is almost insensitive to the delicacy and precariousness of my feelings.
I am so glad that you phoned. I need you. I have something really special and important to ask."
He leans back and looks at me as if searching for some hint or sight of understanding in my face and eyes. My heart is pounding even faster than before His face had a luminous handsome intensity and his eyes are fixed on me. I feel my defenses breaking down. I am ready to give myself to him as he leans in again. I can feel he warmth of his breath.
There is another person, one from my past, that I have not been able to let go of," Lucas declared. Is he joking? Am I dreaming? These were my first responses. But I am in shock. The mood changed and my calm assurance disappeared like mist in the fierce glance of the sun. I needed to wake up and fast. Beads of sweat are being born in every crevice of my body. There is a fire growing inside of me, only to be fueled by the beads of sweat. My hands are clammy, I reach for my glass of pinot noir and it slides unto the floor. I lean over to pick it up and take the candlelight with me. Is there a fire or is that just my insides again? This was supposed to be the first weekend of the rest of my life but instead, I felt as if I was being dumped. But wait, it doesn't count if we were never officially together right? Good, I am still 0 for hmm....6756408970896 on the dumping ratio. Wait, what was I thinking? You can't play love by numbers; you have to play it all by heart. Heart. That is what it is about! Heart and maybe face, which could use some saving right about now.
As these thoughts race through the mush up above, a tall, slender, modelesque gentleman walks over to Lucas and kisses him gently on the cheek. There is no way. Impossible. I always thought he worked at summer camp because he enjoyed the sporty atmosphere rather than the bonding with children.
This is Brandon, my lover." I look around to see if the steak knife is still on the table. "I wanted you two to meet. We are thinking about having a baby and we would like you to help us." The cotton in my mouth has all of a sudden dried up the beads of…