A Reflective Piece on Confidence

Life is filled with lessons that early on can lead to effects that last for decades. I remember when I was younger, I was told by a student in class when the teacher called on me, that she should not have asked me to participate in class because I had nothing to say.

I was always shy about public speaking and when I heard her say that, it really made me feel like I was voiceless in this world and whatever bothered me or made me angry, I kept inside because I felt no one would listen. This stems from early childhood with my family and their inability to really listen to me. I remember when I was 8 or 9 years old, I would say something to my family and they would not even acknowledge what I had said.

Even if I screamed, they would just say I'm misbehaving and send me to my room. I did not have anyone there to help me, to nurture me and tell me my voice mattered, that what I had to say counted. I think one gains confidence and self-esteem from the family he or she interacts with. Because I had these negative interactions with the people closest to me, I felt like I really did not have anything important to say. I took those feelings to school.

I had become a people pleaser and would let people take charge while I stayed in the background, quiet. I am not that way anymore, but I could see why that girl in class said what she did. She saw me as a quiet person, someone that really did not contribute anything to class discussion. That feeling of inadequacy changed from just a feeling to a fear.

I had become afraid to speak in public for fear I would be embarrassed and made fun of because I did not have the support system to make me feel like the effort would be worthwhile. I am reminded of this show I saw on television. I remember I saw a tiger cub walking away from its mother to explore.

The tiger club was hesitant at first, but with a few reassuring pats from the mother, it was able to move around and feel the confidence and reassurance needed to see and experience things on a level the tiger cub could not before. That is what I was lacking at the time. I needed the reassurance and confidence to do what felt uncomfortable or foreign. Because I did not have it, I chose to stay where I was most comfortable.

As a society, people try to seek reassurance and confidence in other ways when they cannot get it from family (Castillo, 1997). They take drugs, they lose weight, they buy new clothes. These are all done to make up for what they should have received in the home. When someone is different from the norm or stands out, this may feel particularly necessary because they receive harsher judgements from the group.

Humans are social creatures and to not feel included takes a toll not just on the spirit, but also on the.