Breaking a Social Norm --

Breaking a Social Norm -- Dress and Etiquette Codes of Different Restaurants In considering the norms common to everyday life that we take for granted, some of the most generally obeyed norms observed by all individuals within American culture are those that pertain to dining in public. Depending on their culture and habits, many Americans have very different customs as to what is appropriate to eat, when to eat, and how much to eat in private.

In restaurants, people are much more likely to obey the rules of the eating establishment and wider American society than their own family and cultural norms. For example, to walk into a Chinese restaurant that does not provide silverware and ask for a fork rather than the chopsticks that comes with the meal may seem uncouth, even for someone who would not hesitate to use a fork at home with take-out.

Even people with legitimate, severe allergies to seafood or peanuts are occasionally shy about making 'special requests' for fear of seeming overly particular or neurotic, although friends and family are likely to be well aware of their health issues. Vegetarians may draw sneers if they try to order a salad or grilled vegetables when dining at a steakhouse with a carnivore, and find themselves subject to scrutiny.

The ways we pick up on the rules of a dining establishment so quickly, whether it is casual or fancy, uptight or youthful, a place where we tip or do not tip (think of how much anger the tip buckets labeled 'college funds' at casual places make Americans angry who do not hesitate to tip for table service, while Europeans are not accustomed to tipping at all) is uncanny.

So I decided to violate the unspoken code of two restaurants, by going to a casual place in a fancy outfit, and to a fancy restaurant in jeans and a t-shirt. I would also try to suit my behavior to my clothing, not to the atmosphere, assuming that this would draw comment. I first visited a McDonald's located in the suburbs of Orange County on a weekend, dressed in my best clothes, which I had last worn to a wedding.

The place had a few families, and one or two solitary diners indoors. I ordered fries, a Quarter Pounder, and a vanilla shake. I asked for the burger medium rare, and the fries lightly salted. I also asked if the vanilla shake was a good vintage. The cashier simply giggled, thinking I was making a joke. I took a seat with my food, ate it with a knife and fork. I swished the shake in my mouth, as if testing the quality of the beverage. No one seemed to notice.

I was slightly disappointed, but I realized it was partly due to the fact that at casual dining establishments, many people are in a rush, absorbed with small children, and more tolerant of strange behavior of all kinds, from a child's playing with a Happy Meal toy, to a senior cutting up his or her food into tiny bites to eat the food more easily, to the poor, slightly unbalanced-looking man drinking a cup of coffee to pass the time who seemed to have no where else to go.

Going to one of the fancier dining establishments in Orange County was very different. Again, I was alone, but drew an arched eyebrow from the hostess. I wondered if my McDonald's experiment would have been more successful if I had gone with someone else, to make the presence of a well-dressed person more notable, given that couples dining is rare in fast food places (most people are solitary or part of families with small children). Dining alone is unusual at a higher-end restaurant.

Immediately, my jeans, sneakers and faded t-shirt drew whispered comment and stares from some diners. I was afraid I would not be admitted, but I had gone on a night when there were few diners, so I suppose the front-of-house staff though that a filled table was better than an empty table. Again, I ordered a burger, fries, and shake.

When the bread basket was placed in front of me while I waited for my order to come, I ate the bread like I do at home, spreading it with butter and making a sandwich of it, rather than breaking it in half. When my shake came, I slurped the straw, just like I do at home. People nearby did give me 'a look,' I noted, I think of disapproval or surprise.

Most of the restaurant was populated by older couples, all of whom were nicely dressed, and ordering wine and food from the higher end of the menu. When my burger came, I ate it with my hands. Then I put things to the true test: I ordered ketchup with my French fries. The waiter rolled his eyes a little bit, but said nothing.

I noted that some of the older couples who were less focused on one another looked at me now and then and shook their heads a bit; probably thinking I was a young kid who had never learned the rules of how to eat at the table. Going to the McDonald's dressed up, and acting like it was a fancy restaurant was kind of fun.

The food at the higher-end place was better, but I admit that I did not enjoy deliberately trying to be casual, as if I were eating in front of my television at home, at such a nice place. Although I like hamburgers, I also like better food. I like a sense of occasion, which is really the point of going to a nice place, I feel.

When I was a little kid, I had to be wrestled into my 'nice clothes' and shoes, but now I appreciate giving a meal a special significance with good manners. I was lucky.