Child Birth Order and Their Communication With Their Parents

¶ … birth order in children and how they communicate with their parents. Specifically, it will discuss why children talk to their parents in different ways because of their birth order. To get a good grasp of this the paper will explain the specific characteristics of the children. Many researchers believe that where we are born in a family will continually influence how we develop throughout our lives. Birth order certainly can create different behaviors in children, including how they communicate with their parents. Birth order is not the only influence on our personalities, but it is a compelling influence almost from the moment we are born.

Birth order is an important quality in the overall makeup of a child's personality and how they deal with the world. Where a child fits into the family can affect the rest of his or her life, and it can have a lot to do with the way they communicate with others, especially their parents. Each order of birth shares some general characteristics that make them unique, and help them blend with the rest of the family.

First Born - first born children receive the most attention from their new parents, at least until another child makes an appearance, and so they develop leadership tendencies early on. Their characteristics include "perfectionism, reliability, conscientious, list-makers, well-organized, critical, serious, scholarly, achievers, self-sacrificing, people-pleasers, conservative, supporter of law and order, believer in authority and ritual, legalistic, loyal, and self-reliant" (Editors). Firstborns are achievers, and may go on to higher aspirations than their siblings. They may become engineers, doctors, scientists, accountants, lawyers, or jobs that take precision and mental discipline (Editors). Firstborns exude confidence, and often go on to be leaders. In fact, "Fifty-two percent of United States presidents were firstborns (only four have been babies of their families)" (Editors). Firstborns can also influence the younger children in the family, and take on more adult chores as they grow old enough to help the parents take care of the other siblings.

Naturally, all of these characteristics influence the way firstborns communicate in the family. Firstborns are naturally inquisitive, and will ask their parents many questions as they grow older. Firstborns expect parents and siblings to express their opinions before the firstborn will, because they often have trouble talking about what they feel or need. They also want their parents to understand and approve of their goals, although they may not be able to ask for this approval (Isaacson and Radish). They often give nonverbal clues that parents may have to notice. They are often willing to please, and willingly do their parents' bidding, thereby alienating some of their younger siblings. They often have difficulty saying "no," especially to their parents. A firstborn child may relate more closely to the father than the mother Cunningham-Blanke).

Middle Child - the middle child can be the most difficult to compartmentalize and characterize, because they can develop quite contradictory characteristics. Some characteristics of the middle child include mediating or avoiding conflict, independent and extremely loyal, and frequently the child in the family who goes astray. They may be quiet and shy, or friendly and outgoing, impatient and easily frustrated or easygoing and laid back. They can be very competitive, or not at all, and they can be the catalyst that brings the family together, or the "black sheep" that tears it apart (Editors). Notably, the firstborn can heavily influence the middle child, who in turn can influence the younger child.

Middle children are natural mediators and peacemakers, so they learn to communicate on all sides of an argument. They are also very social, and tend to mix well with a lot of people, so they make good managers. Middle children want to help others, and they will mediate when their parents or their siblings are having a fight. They may seem critical, but they simply want to help their parents achieve "perfection." They like to hear their parents tell them they pay attention to details (Isaacson and Radish). Middle children will often give constructive criticism, even to parents, and tell them how to improve. Often, they do not express their emotions well, and parents may have to dig to connect to their children (Issacson). They also communicate better with friends rather than family, where they may feel they do not belong because they are overshadowed by younger or older siblings. They may be the most difficult for parents to understand and communicate with, and they usually identify more closely with the mother rather than the father.

Youngest Child, or Last Born - These children are usually charming and outgoing, personable, and great at manipulation. They tend to be affectionate, uncomplicated, and sometimes absent-minded. Their "space cadet" approach to life is often amusing and sometimes frustrating to others. They also tend to be more carefree, vivacious, and popular. They are people persons, who can also be rebellious, critical, temperamental, spoiled, impatient, and impetuous (Editors). These children tend to learn a lot from their brothers and sisters, and feel they get short shrift from the rest of the family. Their older siblings often baby them, but they are also used to being picked on and put down by the older brothers and sisters.

These children also have unique communications skills. They tend to be charming and manipulative with everyone, even their parents. Youngest children tend to want to keep relating when things get difficult, and they want to have open relationships with everyone around them. They are good at communication throughout their lives (Isaacson). They communicate with their parents by seeking attention and praise, but often with negative behaviors, such as being messy or "clowns."

Only Children - Only children share most all of the characteristics of the first born child, except simply add "super" to any of the characteristics, such as "super perfectionist." Only children are often treated like little adults by their parents, and feel they did not have much of a childhood. They can be considered selfish and self-centered, and often, only children always need some time for themselves throughout their lives. They also like to be the center of attention in a group of adults, and tend to choose friends who are much older or younger than themselves.