I was angry I couldn't do what I wanted to do, and my mother was angry that I was not doing what I was told. We did not have a meaningful dialogue, and I never asked why she wanted me home by a certain time. She never told me, either. Today, I would have asked her why she wanted me home earlier than I thought I should be home, and I would give her my reasons for wanting to stay out later. We did not use feedback effectively; we let our emotions rule instead. Finally, I'm remembering a conversation I had with a friend that totally broke down. We were just hanging out, talking about stuff, and I said something that he misconstrued. I didn't realize it at the time, and did not realize I had offended him. Later, he made a rude comment to me about something, and it made me stop and think, "What's up with him?" I realized that he was mad, but didn't know why, and I didn't ask....

That was a breakdown in communication and got in the way of our friendship for a while.
Again, neither of us used feedback effectively. He didn't tell me I'd offended him, and I didn't ask him why he was mad. It was a misunderstanding that hurt our friendship, and it really occurred because we didn't communicate effectively. I would use feedback today to ask him what I had done, and then apologize to him. I didn't mean to offend him, but he didn't know that, and it was damaging to our relationship and to his trust in me. Feedback could have cleared up the problem and left no hard feelings between us; or a lot less at least.

Good feedback is essential to all communication, whether it's business or personal, and knowing more about feedback has shown me how past communication problems could have been handled more effectively and with less pain and emotion.